The clean sky of fall is above us as everyone preambles the streets of Boston. Jackets and gloves are starting to appear on the bodies I pass and the feeling of hunkering down is in the air. At home about this time, I would be ordering my three cord of wood and enticing Max, Kai and Caleb to help stack in exchange for beers and dinner.
Caleb's move to Spaulding is looming on the horizon, scheduled from one day to the next in a holding pattern till they are certain he is in good shape for the journey - one block away. His liver is showing signs of stress from the deluge of antibiotics and he is scheduled for a test this morn to see if any damage has been done. Aside from that, he is eagerly eating three meals a day, gives me morning kisses and good night hugs and is seemingly in good spirits. The attempt at speaking is presenting us with many comforts and challenges.. he is so clear at times and then frustrated at others when I don't "get" what he needs to say...but as each day passes, he becomes more capable of spewing out those legendary stories he usually plies us with. The drain in the head remains, but that too is on hold till we see CAT scan results. By all appearances, he is becoming more and more like the Caleb we remember.
The days here are long, my lipstick tubes; running short and my gratitude remains steadfast..
"Hospital land" is filled with contrasts...Caleb is peaceful - I am a wreck, Caleb eats, I am empty. Nightfall brings clouds of sorrow and is compensated with friendship. But each day I wake to the ever growing feeling of hope. In the wee hours of dawn I roll over, open my eyes and bless the day for giving me another opportunity to exercise compassion -
It is, I believe, the only reason to ever get up.
Love and blessings - mumsie
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46 comments:
Wow, Sharyn, how powerful. Your post made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and my eyes tear. Yes, compassion for each other is where we find the meaning of life. I am not a deeply religious person, but I do think that if there is a God, he or she is found in the love and compassion and kindness we show to and feel for one another.
So glad that Caleb is getting stronger. Although I did not know him before the accident, I am getting every day a better picture of the man he has been and will be.
Amy
Dear Sharyn,
We are always here listening and holding you all in our hearts. Reading your words daily has reminded me to have compassion for each person i come into contact with during the day and to be grateful for the little things like the sunny bunch of sunflowers that someone put on Calebs spot on town hall. When I stand in the doorway at Abiyoyo on these beautiful September day and feel the change in the air I pray for the day when Caleb will be lounging on the lawn having lunch with the family. xo and much love and prays for you all , CARRIE
beautiful prose, sharyn - don't forget - today is "speak like a pirate" day, so don your eye patches and give out a loud ARRRGGGHHH.............
It must feel like home is really distant right now but it isn't its right around the bend. It sounds like Caleb is in a good spot right now and is in a good position to build up his immune system and get stronger. I'm so happy that he has the strength to speak. I love Boston in the Autumn when the air feels crisp and the sun is out. I hope it can feel a bit like home in a way. Katie sends her love too. We miss you all. How does Caleb always remain in good spirits? I have no doubt that if he were the captin of the Endurance, he wouldn't have lost a single man on board either. It was good spirits that kept them alive.
Love,
Michael and Katie
AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH! "We love you" isn't pirate talk so I'll just say, "You're treasured!"
Arrrrgh!!! How she be? Tis one fine day mateys.. That thar be what a lass like to hear... our Cap'n on tha mend.. Rrright now he be one landlubber, but soon we must get his righteous ass back t' tha Mother Lands of Fleet.. to come a' swashbucklin, and teachin us sprogs how to pirate! Aye, Aye!! Aye Mumsie~my hearty, you breathe, live n' walk this here path of compassion! Blessed be..
Grogs up mateys!!! sloppy x's n o's too.. yer lass of the high seas~ Clancy.
Not only are you compassionate but you ease suffering. Watch out or you will end up a Saint!So good to hear Caleb is better everyday! Love, Susanna
Crisp, clear, a time of transition. September begins to let go of the buttery blaze of summer in favor of the orange, red and gold of autumn. The leaves, the pumpkins, the time of Thanksgiving. Namaste
Lesa
So full of grace. You are "walking the walk" Sharyn. Nobody can say what they'd do in your situation unless they are there. You are in it up to you neck and you have proven your strength, strength that no one knows for sure whether they have it or not until they are tested.
You, Sharyn, have proven yourself as a mother. Strong beyond description, compassionate beyond human terms, soft as down but solid as granite.
All that know you are proud. Those that don't are in awe of the woman you are.
We love you!
Hey there Lady,
Sounds like you need a serious vacation. Could Max, Jan, or Jennie possibly watch Caleb for a night or two!!?!?? Maybe you could head to the Mountains in Vermont/New Hampshire soon to watch the amazing color changes of Fall. Serenity-Peace.......Much needed!!!
You know, if I were in your cituation, I wouldn't want to leave my Caleb either, but if you are draining yourself of energy there, you will be no use to him anyway. We definately don't want you in the Hospital too. No colapsing from exhaustion...You said that you you are almost out of your Channel Red....Would you like us to get you some more??? Even the little things in life make a grand difference in our happiness....And I would LOVE to add to your good spirits. Let me know.
If you would ever like to email back and forth for whatever reason....feel free. Chris and I are(minerhouse@verizon.net).
And.....I am unbelievably relieved to hear of Mr.Caleb's amazing progress. Please tell him that WE said "Hello"!!!
Love Ya,
~Nicole Miner and the Miner Fam.
I just got this e-mail and tho I know so many women that fit the bill, I thought of you, Sharyn, and your spirit. And tho you're probably tired and worried sick of worrying, I hope you can at least sit back, close your eyes and picture yourself back in the saddle, screaming, "WOO HOO!" We'll be ready for you.
Love you,
Trudy
Happy IVGLDSW Day!
Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman's Day, so please send this message to someone you think fits this description.
Please do not send it back to me as I have already received it from a Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman! And remember this motto to live by: Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body; but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened. - Cora Harvey Armstrong -
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies. (Unknown)
The hardest years in life are those betwe en ten and seventy. - Helen Hayes (at 73) -
Old age ain't no place for sissies . - Bette Davis -
If you can't be a good example--then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. - Catherine -
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. - Roseanne Barr -
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. - Eleanor Roosevelt -
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt; then call me over!
sharyn,
You words are so filled with compassin and love...So glad to hear of Caleb's progress. Always in my prayers Margie
Just beautiful Sharyn, every mother wishes they had you gift for putting your feelings to text. You are one powerful, strong woman, but, I think you need a wine break. A nice evening off, good bottle of wine, and some much needed relaxation. You have been thru so much, with Caleb doing better (THANK GOD) consider taking a little time for yourself. I know it's hard to leave him, but, it will help you in the long run. Have a great day, peace and love to you all.
Dana & Mike said; Glad to hear that Caleb is improving day by day, was in Wellfleet last week and saw all of the signs for Caleb's recovery - it was very uplifting and I said some prayers for all of you. May Caleb be back in Fleet soon!!! Dana & Mike, Diamond Point, NY
I run an internet broadcast to customers all over the globe. This morning, my presenter from India had to cancel because his son was in an accident. I don't know how serious it is. Another reminder of how life can be wonderful and terrible at the same time.
I checked in to your blog to see how you and Caleb are doing. Your blog has been powerful for so many mothers of boys out here in cyberland because we all know that "there but for the grace of god go we". It is no small task to get them to adulthood alive and well. Having children opens us all up to great joy and great sorrow. We have to embrace all of it to truly be alive.
Take care of yourself in some small way today. I know you will probably have to see that line out of his head, and him back at Spaulding before you will be able to really take a break.
When I lived in Boston, I used to swim at the Women's Y in Cambridge. Great pool. I can't remember about saunas and steam rooms -- I was always in a rush to get back to clients. Whatever you like to do, find a way to take an hour to re-create yourself.
Pat
YEAH EVERYONE!
IT'S TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY !!!!
SO STEP IT AAAAARRRRRRRRP
A NOTCH FOR CALEB!
Sharyn, you could put together such a beautiful book.
love,
abby
Dear Sharyn,
This is a quote, and a comment from a book called Transitions that Julia Cameron wrote. I open the book randomly every day, just to help me stay a little more grounded, with life, and this is what I see this morning..
"We tend to think of the rational
as a higher order, but it is the emotional that makes our lives.
One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment." M. Shain
Sometimes change is sudden and catastrophic. Life as we know it is abruptly overturned. We have an earthquake of the heart so severe that the landscape will never look the same. In times of chaos, the soul finds its ground in the eternal. It turns instinctively towards god, even if it uses other names. An acute listening takes hold as the soul attunes itself to hear more deeply. This deeper listening is an automatic response as natural as breathing....
as always, peace, light and love....
Sharyn you sound tired. Your post is full of positives, yet when I was done reading it I was left sad and empty. YOU MUST take care of yourself so that you have the strength to take care of Caleb.
PLEASE hand over the reigns to Jan, Max, or Kai for a couple of days and come home. It is the pick me up you truly need.
Take care of you.
J
Sharyn
I once knew a woman who had a stroke and had lost touch with her command of language. But slowly as her brain began to heal - the words can back to her. I think it is just amazing that Caleb has some verbal abilities and hopefully these will improve as time goes on.
At the moment your verbal abilities are so keen and on the mark. A mothers compassion you so beautifully express - your writing is clear and from the heart. You can speak for Caleb until he is able to communicate for himself - you can continue to teach us how to show compassion to one another.
Love, prayers and healing hope to you on this glorious day in New England
Patty
The news just keeps getting better!
Sharyn, you are what a mother should be. The world would be impressed if only they had the priviledge to meet you! Much love to you
Today was National Talk Like a Pirate Day....seriously! I expect Caleb and the gang to go all out for this glorious day!
Kisses, smooches, hugs, embraces, dreams, and wishes all for you
I had another dream last night where I was hanging out with caleb, and telling him all about the things that have been going on around here since he had been away...each dream that I have he is more and more well and "caleb-like"! You have to fill all that emptyness up with the good feeling that all is going to be right again soon...however long soon may be.
on another note, I FINALLY got myself a house plant. She is a little african violet, which I named Violet. seemed fitting. Thought you would like to know. I miss you lots....wanna cackle with you soon. Give that pirate lad my love and tell him he is visiting me in my dreams on a regular basis and we are laughing and having a good old time. Love, amy stj
It is Talk like a Pirate day today....so Yar it up you scallywags!! I knows you gots it in ye........
My friend grew up in Wellfleet and exposed me to this "Caleb Potter Epidemic" that's seems to be sweeping across the nation!
I want to express how moved I am by everyone involved in this. Sharyn, you are purely an amazing mother and friend to all. I wish the world had more of you!
I was checking out the pictures that were posted of the Potter family, and I have to be honest here...YOU ARE ONE GOOD LOOKIN' GROUP OF PEOPLE!!! Whoa! I'm not originally from the Cape so I don't know all the secrets, but I think the majority of tourists visit to check out all the hotties! (*wink*wink*)
The beautiful month of September is coming in full force and I hope everyone is taking in the gifts it has to offer. When you wake up in the morning, be sure to spend an extra 5 minutes laying in your bed, staring out the window in to the gorgeous Autumn sky. Peace and love!
Caleb's good news makes my day the ultimate! Could we ask for anything better?
To comment on the last post, I AGREE 100%! The women who get Max, Kai, and Caleb are some lucky ladies! Sharyn, you have some dreamy boys to watch after!
Sending all my love out to the world today
Sharyn,
Check this out...the perfect thing for you and Caleb to communicate with:
http://carcino.gen.nz/images/index.php/04980e0b/0e296006
Combined with body language and eye contact, what else could either of you need?
Love
Paula
P.S.
it's a keyboard for pirates :)
Sharyn, I expect that despite the need for you to be where you are and doing what you are doing, the rhythm of your body and the seasons wants you to be home ordering up the word and getting ready for the change in seasons. A conflict? While MGH is a great place of healing it is an artificial environment especially for one who is in tuned with her garden and the sea. Boston is a great city and fun to be in but it is not your home and its like living out of a suitcase. Tiring and wearing. I expect that this conflict is also within Caleb who from all I've heard is an outdoors guy and for 2 1/2 months has been inside.
I know we wish we could all come up with that one line solution but we know it isn't for the time being.
But you do need to take car of yourself.
I am a firm believer in forcing myself to be more in balance with nature during time of stress. Though is is not Wellfleet I hope you are walking along the waterfront and taking in the air. Could you manage a day away on the Boston shuttle to the Cape. I know air is the quickest but on the open water is the best to rejuvinate the soul.
Sharyn, as someone who only know you from your words, I wish you peace. I wish you peace on all levels.
Jeff
P.P.S.
I should have said it's an arrrrrrrrrgonomic keyboard for pirates:
Blast! Being on the West Coast means late posts. But pirates do not care for time zones, aaarrrrrrrrrrrgh! I'm still reading every day, Sharyn, and I'm not alone in saying that... even with distance, even with other things going on, everyone is still watching and thinking actively for Caleb. There is more joy in the world for this.
Love
Casey
This post was especially moving - the final paragraph in particular. It was a good reminder that Caleb's family, his mother especially, needs just as much strength and as many prayers as Caleb does. This is a group effort, a Potter-family-effort, and it is obvious that you all work together as a unit. Each of you needs our support so that in turn each of you is there to help the others, and to help Caleb. We are thinking of each and every one of you. When you are feeling weak, draw strength from us, knowing that we are there for you.
Sharyn, I don't know you but commented on one of your entries last week (Becky from Deerfield Beach, Florida). After your entry today I feel again compelled to write you. I follow your story like a religion and pray for you all daily! I'm a mother of 3 boys and have always loved my children, but following your story and reading about your courage has taken my love for my kids to a different level. I don't have nearly your literary talent, so bare with me please! I shared Caleb's story with my secretary who is from Truro(small world). It turns out she was in Wellfleet all last week for a wedding. She came back to describe what that town is doing for Caleb in such a way that I had chills! I'm sure that you have heard! I wish there was something more that I could do then pray for you all, but when I saw your blog today I had a brain storm! If you are low on the red lipstick PLEASE let me send you some more! I've always looked like a clown when I put on lipstick and from the pictures I've seen of you -you wear it VERY well! I'll throw some snacks in for you too! Please know that your words are touching MANY people and we are ALL pulling for you and Caleb and your family! By the way - I just bought my FIRST pirate t-shirt! I wear it for Caleb!
Hey Babe!
another quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she can be until she gets in some hot water!"
Breathe in, breathe out, feel, allow, watch, smile.
I'm coming to the Cape this weekend and am eager to see the Caleb shrine; hope it's not dismantled before then!
Good always to hear good news.
Maryann Stow
Dearest Sharyn- Please consider a day of rest! I know you feel compelled to stay by your son's side, and I can totally understand that! However, if you are stressed, you are surrounding him with stress as well. Maybe a trip home to spend in your beautiful garden and have dinner with Max, take Spud for a walk around Dyers and throw compost at the cluck-clucks! Being in Wellfleet is good for the spirit! I beleive it will put a smile both on your face and in your heart! I'm not saying that day needs to be today or tomorrow, but perhaps within the week. A walk along the ocean or a picnic on the dunes is the best thing for an overstressed body. We all appriciate your commitment to Caleb, but you MUST take care of yourself so you'll have the strength to take care of Caleb. My compassion for you...endless. It would be lovely to sip vino on your patio and crack stupid jokes to make you laugh. Please consider coming home to gather yourself to return to Caleb 100%! Caleb's liver is resilient, I've seen that boy getting his jag on! With eleven weeks without beer, I hope it can get over its antibiotics. Also, is Caleb taking probiotics?! Most doctors don't even know what acidopholis is, and there are SERIOUS diseases that can take place without it! Also, pop some arnica is his mouth a couple times a day. Natural healing as nature intended. You are an afflatus to your community. THANK YOU!!!!!!
Alleviation & Blessings~ Home xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
You mentioned Chanel lipstick, but what shade of red??? I'll bet if you post it and where to send it you'll end up with a lifetime supply!! Why not? People like to feel they can do something even if it's just a tube of lipstick from Macy's. Blessings to all of you ...
Hi sharyn it's grace. So many ups and downs is a hard way to live life. were used to tackling an issue and pushing it aside as quickly as we can to move on to the next great moment and then back to the beginning. You havn't had a break from this lifestyle except everytime you "blog on" it seems you can release some of your exuberant energy to the world. Bless you for your courage, and thank you for your words. Xo
Sharyn, when your lipstick runs out you can: go nude; suck on a cherry popscicle, buy wax lips; call Kevin for a make-up delivery along with the champagne; tell the nurses you'll get cranky if you don't get your lipstick fix - they'll find some fast; call a friend who has lots -ME!
As always, thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.
Love and Frosted Apricot Kisses from Denise
Dearest Sharyn,
I was in yoga class this morning and we talked about the three qualities/ways of being that are all you need to transcend the trials you may be facing- not just in your yoga practice, but also in daily life. They are: 1)FRIENDLINESS 2)COMPASSION 3)INDIFFERENCE.
Well, we all know that you have the first one nailed. And the second one, also a no-brainer. But the third one, indifference, may seem impossible in your situation with Caleb. However, I encourage you to try it.
By indifference, I don't mean not caring. I mean non-attatchment to any outcome, even if only for a couple of minutes. If you can find a quiet moment and sit with your eyes closed, try to let go of all of the feelings that are draining your energy. Feel the stress, worry, anger, exhaustion, frustration, etc., and then try to detatch yourself from those feelings. If for only a moment, try to detatch yourself from any strong feelings about Caleb's outcome. Feel indifference for Caleb's well-being, knowing that it is out of your hands.
Feel the love within yourself and let that fill you up. Realize that the best thing you can do for yourself and for everyone else is to recognize the love you have for yourself, stand in it, and let that reflect onto others. This is the best way for you to help Caleb.
Your strength amazes me. We all know that you will emerge from this situation even more radiant that ever. They say that you have to hit bottom to find the trap door that will open you into a world of beauty never before possible. Have you hit yet?
With Love from Colorado, Shellie.
P.S.-The winner of the 'Speak Like a Pirate Day' contest: Kate Clancy!!!!! Spoken like a true wench, matey, congratulations! Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!
Well, today I walked into the school I teach in and said "hello" to a student and he "arghed" back at me. Knowing that he has Asperger's Autism, I said "oh well-arghed back" and moved on. Then I found out the significance of the ARGH--I thought it was Caleb's spirit speaking through a different medium where I live...Who knew?? Sharyn, it is your spirit that amazes us and is tiring you a bit, with no wonder.. You are a wonder and we all want to stay healthy for yourself first, and others after that..you would be beautiful without lipstick but we all need our fixes, right??? Caleb, even though you maybe weren't speaking though my little friend, you keep on doing whatever it is your doing...it works!!! Love from ST.P,MN
It is so hard for a country girl to spend so much time in a city, a stressful environment in the best of times. To be stuck in a city hospital for months, loving, worrying, holding back tears, putting on the brave face (red lipstick and all), weathering one crisis after another.....adds a whole new layer of stress on an already overloaded psyche. I know better than to say go home, I know that leaving Caleb even for a day or two would probably not be helpful,(you are too much of a Mom for that) but do try to do something sweet for yourself. Treat yourself to a massage or a large box of chocolates, a bottle of champagne, and a hot bath all at once....something to help you rejuvenate. Take all of the compassionate advice that everyone has given you on this page and find something to do to help yourself. Very important, necessary, even.
We are all blessed to be sharing this space with you, and you have given all of us so much. I for one am very grateful and I wish you peace every day. Things will get better in their own time. You need to take good care for yourself and your dear family.
peg from PA
My lovely Sharyn,
It is so good to hear all the great news about our dearest Caleb. We are so happy to here he is getting better day by day; we pray for Caleb every day. My family have been praying for him as well, my brother is a miracle minister that travel around the world to preach, I have ask him to help Caleb is his prayers, which he has been for a while now.
Sharyn, you compassion for your children is so unique and expendable that the words that your are nourishing him with are so strong that will bless Caleb with so much love and compassion will help his recovery sweetie. Hang in there!
~ Caleb is loved by so many great friends and their prayers will fulfill his heart and make him feel better very soon. We thank god for answering our prayers for Caleb.
We pray for Caleb almost every day and where ever we have gigs we ask people to be silence for a moment in Caleb’s name. We have been as busy as always in the summer but, we never stopped thinking about Caleb and tried to add comment for Caleb; was not really successful with it – Thanks, Sky for your help :).
We love you Caleb very much and we know that we have faith that you will be just fine. All your family and friends love and especially god! - We are very happy to hear all the wonderful news from the Blog from your mom etc.
We have smiles in our faces here everyday that we go to your blog and see the good news and some days that we don’t have a moment to read it, we feel very sad that we cannot read your news – Computer we have at home is not the greatest and where Dave conduct business on every day with big file contribute to the jammed but, we will check your blog more frequently since Dave gigs are slowing down, summer is the band busiest time.
We love you very much Sharyn and the boys, please do keep contact us for anything –
We do know that no once can go visit, we will wait until we can see Caleb.
Many blessings to you Caleb and your family!
Nicole, Dave and Vanessa
Sharyn,
Booooooooo!! Where’s the new writer from yesterday? You already know not really… Jennie was wonderful yesterday! You stand on the shoulders of giants with your tremendous ability to write. I know it has been mentioned many previous times but myself and I am sure a lot of other people are going to kick your %@* if you don’t make use of this wonderful way you have with words here when you get back.
I decided to buy stock in Chanel today. I feel a spike in the stock price coming.... Sharyn why don’t you open a Beads and Lipstick Kiosk at Caleb’s doorway. Why not? You could sell snow to the Eskimos!
We all look forward to having you and Caleb back in Wellfleet! You’ll have to keep clothes hangers inserted in all your clothes you wear so we can hang you up at the end of every night with all the invites out you’ll undoubtedly have! I can hear it now, the weather man will be telling of record warmth hitting the Lower Cape when you guys get here.... Gee! What a coincidence...
Kevin
wow.. had to look up "afflatus" - doesn't quite mean what it sounds like, now does it......tee hee
Sharyn, I keep thinking that I really need to write to you and Caleb offline... there are so many things you've described that directly hit home for me because of my own family's experience, which I've mentioned ad nauseum on this blog before. For now I just want to offer you some reassurance... being very familiar with expressive aphasia... if the docs are talking to you about 'collateralization' and telling you that the process can take a long time, but often leads to complete or near complete recovery in the end, you can believe them. I can attest.
To Caleb - what you're going through right now is VERY frustrating but please have patience (be patient with OTHER people!) and put the work into it. You're going to be talking everybody's ears off very soon.
Please don't take this as weird; I hope it's not overstepping a boundary but if you would ever like to vent or compare notes or whatever, please feel free to e-mail me at (spelling this out to avoid auto-spammers) ajerrold at yahoo dot com.
I'll be in 'Fleet this weekend... getting my Pirate Flag ready!
Peace-
Jerry G
Sharyn,
If you don't take this writing suggestion seriously (for the future) it would be a crying shame!!
I hope the money raised has been helping caleb keep his home in south Wellfleet. He loves his apartment and the lady keeping it warm for him. Thanks again, Jennie, for the blog entry yesterday. Caleb is blessed in many ways!
I said on the other blog and will repeat that a pier setting or indoors would be good. This weather will not last forever and the wish to gather will continue for some time so why the need to remain on town hall "lawn" with thousands running around everywhere during Oysterfest???????
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