Once again you have managed to pull me out of the bowels of the earth with all of your heartfelt comments, which I read and re-read many times through the night. Thank you.
Yes, I was asking all those "what if" questions and I was losing ground, then in your comments a theme emerged and I could see and feel hope once again.
Caleb's grandmother's name was Grace (my mother). She and Caleb had a special relationship- he in short adored her and they share a similar spunk and vitality for life. When company opened the drawer next to the sink that was obviously the one for silverware, they instead found a drawer full of fake bugs, flys trapped in ice cubes, dog puke, whoopie cushions , a dribble glass ( she used that one on Jan the first time I took him home); all sorts of goodies - but no silverware! The theme of Grace was comin through. My mother was a terrific grandmother..real hands on! She sat in the grass for hours with Caleb laughing with him as he tickled from all the ladybugs climbing up and down his arm. She armed all my sisters with loaded super-soakers then told the cousins and Caleb to open their eyes for their surprise! I realized last evening that she, along with all of you, is along for this ride as well... and she is watching over him too! Another mothers' love.
Caleb has high levels of sodium, which continues to make him lethargic and is a concern- but one that is being monitored. He has been eating oatmeal with me every morn and pureed foods every time he is alert enough to eat. His white count; still down and his bacteria count;dropping. We have so much to be grateful for today...he is better!
It is a beautiful day in Boston. I have tucked Caleb's Gracie teddy bear under his arm while he sleeps,I have turned on his heavenly music which Kai recorded,and I remind myself " Tis Grace that brought us safe this far; and Grace will lead us home" God Bless, mumsie
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Amen.
Our "dead" NEVER leave us you know - go GRACE!
Love,
Mom from CT
This grace is amazing! As glorious as this day is here in New England.
Sending more healing energy to Caleb and for Sharyn a Wendel Berry poem
The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
PC in Connecticut
I think a previous poster had it right. If it is possible to WILL someone back to health, we are going to do it.
I love the word "grace," which sounds as beautiful as what it means.
Sending love, prayers, wishes, everything.
Hi Sharyn, it's Grace. Last night i got home from work and i just burst into tears thinking of caleb in his vulnerable state and all you're going thru right now too. It was a long awaited cry though and i felt better after i washed off the streaming black mascara my friend ally noticed when she walked in. And when i awoke this morning i sensed that today's blog was going to be all about grace. I wasn't sure why and knew it wasn't going to be about me, so i was eager to log on. and here i found exactly what i was looking for. God bless you caleb, and all of your guardian angels.
You sound a lot like your mom! (just from reading the blog and all the food that has been flung from your hands)
Grace is a wonderful name and a wonderful way to feel at this time. Of course she is watching over all of you now and sending you her strength.
Get out and take a walk if only for a few minutes Sharyn. Let the sunlight hit your face and feel the warmth of Grace.
J
Dear Cabes' mom...((-;..sharyn....It's SEPTEMBER...remember LAST september???...any good Red-blooded Cape Cod Surfer has Saltwater-on-the-Brain(read SODIUM!!)....
LAST Year -- TODAY--we were "up to our Sandbars"...in Waaaaay Overhead Waves....soooo...tell the doctors that a little salt/sodium...MIGHT not be a bad thing....in Caleb's case....
we're alll wishing for a little September ACTION from Deep Water...tell Caleb we'll all save a few for him when he's back in the line-up!!!we're actually looking FORWARD to having HIM ...IN the line-up!! and we'll take pics. in the meantime!!...if any waves really DO show up!!!
Love and some salt-water to you..Sharyn....the mom...maybe we should "back off" on the Salt-water Surf messages we're sending to our surfing Pirate lad????
What a glorious Day to Live in New England....eh????thanks for yr words...as all-ways....light!ly....ch/dad...and the scatterlings of sunspirit
I have random strangers come into my work everyday and ask me about Caleb. Half of them have never even heard of him but they care so much, its great to see. It gives me faith in humans because there were many times i didnt think human passion existed anymore but now that has changed!! I look at Calebs picture everyday on my wall and then today i thought of a picture i have of a group of us in Elementary School and it makes me laugh. We were all so cute and innocent then!!!
Much love.
Zana
this was about my thousanth time logging on this morning (don't tell my boss)...
thank GOD for GRACE!!!
lb, dakota & i are as always with you & feeling you in every breath.
i went into the christmas tree shop this a.m. (for a lunchbox...they didn't have any)but they have GROOVY "piratie" kind of stuff...it's halloween!!!!!!
caleb love is everywhere... I AM!
xoxoxo
deirdre
Count me among the many who have been following your journey and eloquent words but haven't written. I was in Wellfleet with my family for our annual visit on July 4 -- I came to town on the 5th and saw the prayer circle. When I learned what had happened to Caleb my heart sank. We have been coming to Wellfleet almost every summer since I left there, (when I was more or less Caleb’s age!) Every summer when I come, I see familiar faces from afar that remind me of my wonderful years on the Cape -- faces of people who may not remember me, and in some cases, such as with the Potter boys, people who never knew me. I have seen those boys every year and have watched them grow up from a distance -- always seeing the resemblance to you and Jan in their faces. They have always been such a presence in town that even my two children know of them -- whether it was seeing them running and dive bombing in to Long Pond or skate boarding around town, or as in this summer, walking with Mumsie on Main Street, like a little Lindsay/Potter army saying “here we are!”. They have, in many ways, marked the passage of time for me as I come to the Cape summer after summer. You were so kind, many years ago, to tell me that I reminded you of our younger years on the Cape, and that I would always have a place there (and do you remember a ‘reunion’ night at Aesop’s a few years ago with lots of laughs and sillyness and for those of us who had spouses awaiting us, getting home waaaaaaay too late?)
I was at the Juice a few nights before the 4th and saw Caleb there -- I couldn’t take my eyes off of him just thinking about his resemblence to you and Jan, how grown up he was (even though I hadn't aged at all!) and all the Wellfleet memories swirling around my head -- I know that he must have been thinking “why is this creepy woman staring at me???”
You have allowed me to get to know you and your family through this blog, and it is quite a window to the love between all of you, your wonderful, positive spirit and the amazing power of Wellfleet. That extended family will always be a profound source of support for you, and I am writing to remind you that the circle goes farther than you can even imagine -- to all of us who are touched by this journey of yours, who understand the fierceness of a mother's love and who wish you continued strength and peace.
Sonia (from way back when...)
Sharyn, You and your family and your Wellfleet extended family bring tears to my eyes this morning. Grace, for sure. It was also my grandmother's "official" name (she was always called Gussie) and is the middle name of one of my daughters. So we all shed all our "Grace" on you and yours. It is the beginning of the New Year holiday for me tonight, and I will be adding Caleb and all of you in my prayers for the next year.
Amy
Feel her Grace....as we always do with our beloved grandmother..whom was a Grace as well- They are never far from us...Always with us, guiding us, loving us - and standing by..Just because you can't see it...it doesn't mean it isn't real- we are happy to hear of progress- wishing you love and sunshine today and everyday-
Love, Sassy-and your Farm Family
Sharyn,
Now I get it! Your “whoopie cushion” fascination is in your gene pool! So where was the silverware?? Is that how you stay so thin? Oh that’s right, your too fat now! Sorry! The apples certainly don’t fall far from the tree in hearing about your Mom Grace. Super soakers, whoopie cushions and dog puke... Did Grace wear red lipstick? Well, I’m so glad to hear the “fat lady” is singing today! And Sharyn, watch where you sit.... Grace is watching over you all!
Kevin
Sharyn,
I think you have a small army of guardian angels that we have all asked to keep watch over your clan. In the deep dark moments in the night listen very carefully and I expect you will hear the flutter of all those wings.
As I wake during my work driven panic attach at 3am I throw some positive thoughts your way and throughout the day my Wellfleet prayer rock is not far from reach.
Grace is a marvelous thing. Even more marvelous when we stop to observe and appreciate it.
This blog and experience is also not a one way street. I think we all get much from your reflections and thoughts and those of others.
Blessings come in many packages. Thanks for being one.
Jeff
Hi sharyn and crew.
This is great news, and on a day after a cleansing rain. It makes me smile with some sort of relief . I am so hopeful for the lad I just KNOW he is gonna pull through this difficult time. I will be waiting for him to come over and snatch one of the meatballs out of the sauce with his fingers as he has done so many times before.
and I will yell HEY! USE A FORK!!! like I have done so many times before.
XOXOXOOXX
FRANNY D.
“I know nothing, except what everyone knows – if there when Graces dances, I should dance.”
W. H. Auden
That's just what I thought, our Caleb always Gracefully courageous. When you are down and he is down we are here in full force in large numbers to cradle you until you feel safe and strong and even then we will be here. We all love the Potter/Lindsay clan and with your clans determination and all of ours we will fight with every prayer and all of our might for him to recover and surpass any obstacle that comes his way.
I will try not to write such a novel like I did the other day, but I am very happy to hear about the music you are listening to together, it really does wonders for the mind, it can calm and it can fill you with a certain sense of serenity. You are all in our thoughts and with this sunshine we send you the same radiant rays not of sunshine but of pure love and support because after the rain there is always rainbows. We will relish in the high of this roller coaster today and I will sing extra loud in the shower in hopes you can feel the love and happiness we all feel for you guys, that I feel for you guys. And do not forget Sharyn whenever I loose my mind it is nothing a good hot bubble bath, good music, and a glass (bottle) of wine can't help. With all the gathered strength I can send him and you over and over again I also send more lipstick kisses and warm tender hugs.
P.s I think I can say I am not the only one willing Caleb's white count and bacteria count to go down with as much fury as the sun pushes through the clouds to make our Cape Cod waters sparkle again and the foggy haze to lift that was blanketing our dear island. So remember you may be there but our skies are still the same skies so you are not far from us as we carry you close to our hearts and in many of my thoughts. Love, Rachael You Are A Spectacular Mumsie and we praise you for keeping us abreast of the situation.
Sodium??? That doesn't seem like a biggie...espiecially after all the other stuff.
The rain has subsided in Boston, and we are all on to having a beautiful day. Enjoy it!
Love, Peace, GREAT THOUGHTS!!!
Nicole M. :)
Fantastic-----all is right with the world once more. I knew we/you could do it. Sounds like you have a bit of a re-charge and if you want another "break" just let us know and we will take over.
I am off for a couple of days so keep a steady course. No more curved balls. You have my love and strength and good thoughts. Penny on St.John
PS.Amy stj-you have plenty of love to go around and I haven't missed any yet!
i was out in the water last night and off on the horizon it looked really dark and stormy, and i thought about you guys up in boston and turned around and there was one little break in the clouds with a really nice sunset coming through just around the city. I cant help but feel that it was a good sign, and i was happy to read today that things are going better.
tom from Hull
Oh, yay for Grace! Concerned, I checked this blog last night, having read the earlier entry....nothing since. I'll light more candles tonight than usual, I thought. I'll meditate longer. Those ideas didn't satisfy, so I went out into my gardens and started a new one, with plants that had just arrived, a black knight butterfly bush, red baron grass, purple poppies, and marjoram. It was raining again by the time I finished, and almost dark, but planting a garden with Caleb in mind felt just right. And after reading your blog today, all has fallen happily into place once again. Thanks for sharing the good news!
With love from Pam in VT :)
Sharyn,
Oh that young man is a powerful force to be reckoned with!!
And, as I sit here rocking my grandson to sleep, I breathe a collective sigh of relief (along with the countless legions of Calebs' supporters) and I ponder at the grace that "rains" down on all of us and marvel at the power within us to be a collective force for Caleb. Blessings and grace to you all.
Jackie in Schenectady, NY
Amen.
So glad to hear things are a little better this beutiful September morning! A bit windy here on the tip of the Cape, perfect for a nice sail. I love todays post, Everyone needs a "GRACE" in their life, my son has one too. I thank God for her every day. She is an amazing woman!
Stay well.
P-town girl
Like another, I too spent the day today planting mums, mums, mums and thinking of you all with each shovel full of earth, praying, praying for your relief for Caleb's relief...afraid to check the blog, yet determined to hear some good news. And here I sit, covered in dirt, muddy and sweaty and full of joy for you today. My garden looks beautiful, the day is beautiful and we are once again on top of the wave...Sharyn, you have shown and taught us about GRACE every single day on this site, and you my dear are so generous in sharing your GRACE with us.
With gratitude for the beauty that surrounds-
Audrey
P.S. I think Caleb is just gaining his momentum...that's why he's layin' low...
Sharyn,
Thank you for the hymn quote.
This hymn is the one that struck me when I first believed that God really does care for a "wretch" like me. A very interesting story about the man who wrote it.
May His grace continue to give you strength.
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!
Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, Who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.
When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.
so sharyn,
to make a long story, long..
I have the most vived memory of 40 years ago, and only being a small child..
We where living in a 18th century house and it was well occupied with friendly spirits.. my brother and i were somewhat scared with all that was going on that we couldn't understand (but being only 4 & 5 yrs. old ?)
So my memere'( french grandmother) took a bunch of metal hangers up to the attic one day and tied them together and strung some cord thru
the floorboards down below into our bedroom..
She would pull that cord every night after we went to bed causing the clanking, clanking of sounds that we were afraid of and then smile and tell us there was nothing to be afraid of, it is a blessing to have spirits surrounding you.
My brother and me finally realized "the game" a few months later and decided to pull something that i can imagine Caleb doing...
We opened the second story window, yelled for memere' and the moment she came running into the room we jumped, all i could hear was good grace... thank god there are hedges down below!!!
I think Grace and Memere' might be causing quite a stir, somewhere...
as always, sending peace, light and love xoxo
Great news! I am another one who should be in trouble at work but dont care...glad Caleb a little better and you a little sparkier!
love alison Manchester
Thats the spirit crazy lady. Keep that up and it will be just fine.
much love
judith
HALLELUJAH!!!
Sharyn -
Your courage is astounding. How you keep picking yourself up and finding the silver lining is amazing to me. So many of us out here, many moms, wonder if they could keep to the task as you have done without totally losing it. If we can send you some extra strength, consider it done. This has been many lessons we are all learning about stamina, faith, hope, healing - but most of all courage to face each day and deal with what we have to with dignity, grace, and a sense of humor. Sometimes it is a good idea to allow yourself a really bad day - cry, rage, wallow, throw things - then after it's done, back on track again to fight the good fight. Keep being and finding your inspiration!
so... he's got salty brain eh?
innat whatchu'd expect from an ole (young) salt?!?
humor sometimes is the best medicine...just ask yer maw.
love you, LB
Good Day..
I am so delighted to hear of Caleb's progress, it made me quite worried even after all the faith I have in him to know you were too wordless to comment on him.. but know still we don't expect to hear daily on him.. seriously your stories like that which you shared today are enuff to keep us going.. Your mother is a blessing, as are you!! I have always loved hearing stories of her, and in the back of my mind think that you are wonderfully alike!
I was excited to hear that Katy and Jennie are in Boston, having fun & taking care of things.. they have been strong pillars throughout this all to those of us who love Caleb, and Shaye! Not to mention Sky, and all the many who post their feelings, or those who pray in silence.. this is a beautiful thing indeed!! Bless you all, with love.. Clance
It all seems so simple at times. Of course it's grace; and of course it is Grace who is with you and Caleb. We choose our mothers before birth and those ties are always there, an endless stream...of grace.
Be well...Mom in CT
Hail mumsie, full of grace.....
This must be why we were told to
"Say Grace" before every meal. We must have had to be thankful that the ice cubes had no flies,no dog poop in your ice cream cone-something brother kevin did on green street, no whoopie in your pie, or drool on your glass. So let grace be amazing and your shoes dry in the sunshine.
xoxoxox sister kolleen
If its me ye see then cursed ye be, for a beard of yellow may cover me.
I spit in Davey Jones eye, I fought with death and refused to die, I tortured satan and made him cry! This tale be truth and not a lie.
I ve returned from the edge of the world, to claim the gold and take the girl!
I am the captain that everyone fears, Ill have ye cryin, put in tears, you'll see me soon, it won't be years...Don't even imagine Wellfleet without yer captain, ME, YELLOWBEARD!!!!!!!!!
-----------------------------------
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Matey.
Sharyn,
Remember the play dates we used to have at Gramma and Grampie's? Where every summer one of us would fall into the crick and Gramma would have to give us a bath and some ratty clothes or a towel to wear for the rest of the day? I remember we were all so careful not to fall in and then next thing you know- Caleb is leap frogging off the creek bed.
Caleb is full of life and full of spunkiness. I'm glad to hear he is doing better today.
Take care.
betsy
Beautiful news for a beautiful day!
I check in everyday, My thoughts and prayers are with you always!!
Michelle from Lowell
My Dear Sharyn,
I awake and am filled to the gills with enormous Gratutude for the inspired sharing of Love, touching stories, wit, charm, unmovable faith, hope, unabashed openness and abiding GRACE. Today, reading through the blog kept my eyes moist, and my sobbing audible. I am SO touched by the Love and warmth shared here by family, friends, strangers (not for long)...all yearning for a sense of community. I believe we've found it...and it is powerful in it's beauty, graciousness and goodness. There are not words to describe the feelings evoked by such deeds....Sharyn, my prayer is that you, Caleb, Jan, Kai, Max and the rest of your dear family feel surrounded daily by this essence of Love, nuturing and Grace, and realize that we are all ONE standing with you in this ever constant ebb and flow....AMEN.
In Love and Gratitude,
Melinda
there are many things that get me through the days lately, and one of them is the awareness that this whole town is holding caleb and all of his loved ones in the warmest embrace ever. I feel so completely honored to be a part of it, and try each minute to do my part, love, and be the person that is best suited to be happy and spread love in this world. Caleb helped to make me a better person just by caring and wanting what is best for me, and being one of the best, most treasured friends I have ever known...All will be well again. I have total faith in that statement. Caleb, you've got it buddy. You can do this. We are all here to hold you up while you do. sharyn, you are my inspiration in so many damn ways. Thank you. amystj
Amen to everything but especially to post from Melinda from Greenfield! And I have relished this beautiful day, knowing that the force of angels, led by Grace, are watching over Caleb, Sharyn et al.
Sending love, prayers, and strong thoughts,
alycia from sherborn
So much beauty and grace and hope and inspiration here. More support coming at you, from a cubicle in midtown NYC, where pirates are hard to come by.
You know, I spent one summer (2003, I think) working at Uncle Frank's and remember how happy I was, almost every morning, to see you and Caleb and the rest of your clan pile in before you headed out to the flora and fauna of Wellfleet. When you guys tumbled through the door, I felt like I was experiencing a force of nature. You'd all bring in a little sunshine and energy with you, even when a little bleary-eyed, and I really looked forward to seeing you every morning. You were great part of my morning routine, though I'm not sure I ever let on how much I did like seeing you - maybe it would have been weird? Frank also often said nice things about you guys, would mention some little thing or another. Damn, what a cool, together family, I remember thinking. You still are, even more. if that is possible.
I've read your whole blog, and know i'm not alone in taking your contemplations to heart. You've given a lot here, real words to live by. Peace.
Melissa
Your words are beautiful! Next time I sing "Amazing Grace" I may just shed a tear!
Every morning I check the blog before work and inform about 50+ people a day about caleb's conditions. Today I was bummed, being the bearer of bad-ish news. I was hopeful that tomorrows update would be better. It was lovely to fly home as fast as possible to re-check the blog and get uplifting news. Thanks so much for being you, Sharyn. And thanks to both you and Jan for all the love you've given caleb and the lads over their lives. So many people in Ptown today were for the first time letting me know what an amazing person Caleb is. It felt great to talk to people I've known for years that I never knew loved caleb too! As our community grows stronger with pure love, I realize that I am NOT a wash ashore... I steered my gallion full speed to Wellfleet and here I will stay!
Positive Thoughts & Blessings~ xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
The love and prayers are all around you. Get well.
Aarrrgghh
m
xoxo
Sharyn
There is a country song that sums up everything you said today. It is "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" and below is the beginning of the song.
"One day, shy and 8 years old
When grandma passed away
I was a broken hearted little boy
Blowing out that birthday cake
How i cried when the sky let go
With a cold lonesome rain
My mom smiled, said "Don't be sad child.
Grandma's watching you today."
Chorus
Cause there are holes in the floor of Heaven
And her tears are pouring down
That's how you know she's watching
Wishing she could be here now
Sometimes if you're lonely
Just remember she can see
There are holes in the floor of Heaven
And she's watching over you and me"
I truly believe this is Grace watching over Caleb.
With Grace in Heaven and all of us on Earth we WILL "will" Caleb back to full health!
Denise
Sharyn, Sharyn, Sharyn-
Sending you hugs and much GRACE!! xo
You are in my thoughts and prayers each day and it sounds like you are continuing to be your amazing self- keep up the good work!!
I wanted to share with you that when I cleaned my shack last week the guests had left a two page entry in the guest book detailing their vacation and they ended with a PS. We prayed for Caleb!!
My kind of guests!!
Today I saw a doctor in Orleans who asked me how Caleb was and remarked that although she never met him she sensed that he and his mom were such special spirits- sounds like she is on to something! She also remarked on what a special community Wellfleet is and how inspiring all the positive energy has been and that there are not many places like it in the world. How lucky are we all to be a part of that... My nana, one of my absolutely favorite people in the world, is also a Grace and also a spitfire. Interesting that so many of the Grace's in our world seem to have such grace....
Sending you extra hugs and kisses tonight. Each morning brings a new day and fresh start and may tomorrow be filled with a feeling of grace and hope and good things for Caleb.
love,
Kathleen
Sharyn,
You are an amazing woman and mom! You are right on...your mom is always with you all. I truly believe that our loved ones never leave us. For those of us that have gotten to know you through the blog, now know a little more of how you are this incredible mom...you had a good teacher! i believe that mothers are the greatest influence on the mothers we ourselves become. It sure sounds like there is a lot of great DNA in your family! So see, Caleb will be fine...nothing can beat that DNA! Know that our thoughts and prayers are always with you...and always keep the faith.
p.s. As always...a big ARRRRRRRRRR
to Caleb from Miami!
Thank you God for giving Caleb Grandma Gracie. Arrrrrrrh
Aweigh, away, a way - the waves - the ebb & flow of life - you align yourself with what is and that is inspirational... may you all rock gently on this tide...
all i can say is "WHEW!" and take a deep breath-may Caleb have lots of oatmeal and sleep peacefully with those he loves, around.
and rumi said,
"every night when you feel
the world is unjust
never ending GRACE
descends from the sky
to soothe your souls"
still holding you in our hearts in provincetown
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