Dear Sky,
How many times have I told you to always do your very best, but only to the point where you don't outshine me - tisk tisk - your blog entry was spectacular! (Is there any wonder why Sky always calls me bad mom)?
I too look forward to the other bloggers - we have quite a line up already. This affords me a break and I think you will gain some insight into our lives and our community as seen through eyes, other than mine.
I want to backtrack a bit and clear up two things - one is that when I say Caleb is walking, I mean tiny little, perhaps only 3 steps kinda walking. I forget that you cannot visualize what he is doing unless I am very descriptive..the important thing is that all limbs have movement and the possibilities are endless.
The second is that back a few blogs, Nicole commented on how well Jan and I do together in this process of parenting.. I want for all of you to know that we too are a dysfunctional family just like any other family out there. I am, in this process of healing with Caleb, trying to heal myself and I wish to address truth. The function of a family member, as I see it, is to be a sounding board, to love unconditionally and to have as your bottom line the secure feeling that no matter how low things are - family will stand beside you, hold you up and see you clearly and perhaps differently than anyone else will. We too as a family have had our troubles. Not a single one of us is without our faults ( tho granted, I have very few) and we have had a lot of bumps and bruises along the way. When Caleb was hurt, along with our hurt came the clear realization that we were a real family. I am so proud of my two sons who are loving big and of Jan who is wearing his heart on his sleeve, of Aunt Carol who has ever-ready batteries just like that bunny. And now I have an even bigger family out there who just does not quit--thank you.
Today begins a long journey for the Lebster. He is up to the task. The schedule is arduous. He now has to feed himself, dress himself, wash himself, get up and walk when he is exhausted. He is forced and he is force!
Kai says to me at dinner as we are unsuccessfully trying to piece together the fog of the days following Caleb's accident, that he believes he read somewhere that the triangle is the strongest architectural shape; therefore Caleb must get better. Caleb, Kai and Max-the three sides to our triangle - there is no other way. I say--
Adversity forces one of two choices...you either quit or you grow. I can't wait to measure all of us on the beam in the kitchen once again. Love, mumsie
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48 comments:
Beautiful words of wisdom Ms. Sharyn! Family no matter how distant, or different is what makes us, us. I feel very fortunate to be a part of ours! You and Jan have done a fine job in teaching your children to be good people. Hard working, kind, and above all Fleetians!!
Good work Caleb.. stay strong, and keep pushing. As always you outshine us, and keep us on edge with your latest progress, & determination!
Love you all..xo..Clance
There are strength in numbers. Whether you are married, single, related, or just friends you are a family.
Stay strong Sharyn, and get outside to behold the sunlight on your face. This is once again the bottom of the hill, but I feel the climb will be easier this time around.
To New Beginnings! J
Go Caleb, go!
So happy to hear of Caleb's progress. And your words on family are something we can all use for sure (there are quite a few of us that read your blog faithfully from all over).
Glad to hear all is on the up and up. You guys are an amazing family to be able to withstand all that you have gon through these past few months!
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way
Lauren in CT
Sharyn, you are an amazing being!
Take good care of yourself, and take some time now for re-charging your own batteries.
Dorianne (from a long time ago at The Norseman)
Having never met any of the potter/linsey clan...but am another summer cape codder who has been moved by this story...thanks for the frankness and honesty regarding all families...you are very fortunate to have so many members of your family...some whom you may not have met yet!!! Good luck to Caleb and each day will get better and better...I thought this poem was fitting for the new segment of his journey...
Don't Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with it's twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse,
That you must not quit.
...Edgar A. Guest
A cheering fan and fellow mom in md
Sharyn Wrote: "Not a single one of us is without our faults ( tho granted, I have very few)"
Hey, you're just like me!! ;-)
Cortney
So glad to hear that Caleb is moving onwards and upwards. I am sure that having that triangle and that dysfunctional family are what gives him the strength to persevere.
Amy
perfect description of carol - she's absolutely amazing as a woman, a teacher, a partner, a sister, and aunt, and a friend.
Greeting Sharyn, Caleb, and Family,
Beautiful words on this beautiful day. Family is the greatest gift anyone can have. I come from a very large family. Sometimes it takes work to keep everybody happy, but, at the end of the day we all know we have each other. I now have the great gift of teaching my daughter in laws the joys of family. We are all disfunctional too, but it keeps things interesting...wouldn't have it any other way. Thing will move very quickly in rehab.My dad suffer a major stroke, and once we got to rehab it was amazing. He too had to learn everything all over again. There were days that I just wanted to do everything for him because it hurt so much to see him struggle, but can't do that. After 5 weeks he was back home, functioning almost normal. He lived another 9 wonderful years..going to the cape for a month in June and a month in Sept.
Have faith, you will be amazed at Caleb's progress. You are all in my thoughts daily.
Peace and love from Pa.
Such wonderful new and words again- I am so thrilled for you all- I can "hear" the relief in your "voice." I feel lucky to be able to read and be so moved by your family and your story!
Sharyn - wonderful blog, as usual. My thoughts on dysfunctional families - those that set themselves up so high and mighty as a "functional family", rather than a "dysfunctional family", are full of what makes the grass grow green. (i know, if i were a true wellfleetian, i would've said the word.) That's what makes us good, kind, caring, empathetic people is knowing we're all a little dysfunctional - it's how we learned - those other kinds are the ones who judge everyone.
This post brings tears to my eyes, for not all families can find their way together in crisis. Thank God yours has and may it be an example to us all.
I'll be at Brigham and Womens' in October for testing prior to what I hope is my long-awaited kidney transplant. Maybe Caleb will be up for visitors by then? We can all compare scars...
love Gina
Dear Sharyn, Caleb et al.....Boy is it good to be back home...Learning, growing, evolving can be very hard, hard work. GROWTH is experiential, there's no way around it....thou I think we are constantly looking for the "weak link" to barge on through and take the short cut. While we might prefer the lecture method, we MUST do the work to really accomplish growth...free will creatures we are. How lucky we are to be alive, to feel, experience, grow, ..do the soupy shuffle, and grow again! WOW!
I am so grateful that Caleb has moved ahead over the last week, and is now ready for the next segment of his journey, and you all, his so very precious family..whatever form that takes. Sharyn your words resonate for me on so many levels, but in particular one...BALANCE. WE are always looking for those elements that bring us back to center....center is where we can take everything in and make sense of it...regardless if it's good or bad, happy or sad. There is no judgement there, only that which makes us whole and balanced. From there we do our best and brightest work, always.
I worked on Caleb while out in Boulder, and he is improving on so many levels...I give Thanks..While I luv our East Coast and all it's beauty, I was in awe of the Beauty of Boulder Falls, Estes Park (the Elk) Rocky Mountain Park, those magnificent peaks (14,000 +) where I was just yesterday. I stopped yesterday and spent a moment in the company of that extreme beauty and majesty, and held us all in Light and Love, for who we are, where we have come from, and where we are yet to go......with the Grace that always carries us.
Blessings,
Con
Todo Carino,
Melinda
Go, Caleb, go!
Sharyn, I can't agree with you more on your description of family.
As individuals we all have some level of dysfunctionalty that gets melded into the family. Those families that "work" are those that do work at it, learn from each other, help each other grow, have the back side covered and in times of true challenge become glued together as one.
I don't doubt that your family has its colorful sides to it, but it has also shown that "glue side" that will get you all through this. Your family will be ever changed by this experience in a most positive way.
Caleb, keep plugging. Micro steps will eventually become sprints.
Walking, huh?
Does this give us the permission to sign Leb up for the 5K at Oysterfest?
Power to 'ya Sharyn!
Peace and love.
Oh come on Sharyn, like I could ever outshine you! ...or would even want to for that matter! It was so nice to write yesterday and share a bit of myself with all of you but I must say I was eagerly looking forward to your words today. Like all the others out here in blogger land, I too have become seriously addicted!
Caleb, we're so proud of the hard work you're putting in with those physical therapists. I'm glad they're pushing you around a bit and forcing you to do all of those boring "take care of yourself" activities! You'll be back in action in no time!
I have been talking with one of the staff members here at my school about different things you could do to get your body going again. He had a stroke some years ago and woke up completely paralyzed on the whole right side of his body. He was in the hospital for 10 weeks during which he did certain things on top of the treatment they offered to aid his body in the healing process. He has recovered so well that I didn't even know that he had been through the stroke until he asked me about how you were doing.
What helped him so much was first of all a POSITIVE AND DETERMINED MINDSET (you've got that one covered!) and secondly, something called ROLFING.
The Wikipedia says, "Rolfing is a system of soft tissue manipulation, with the objective of realigning the body structurally and harmonizing its fundamental movement patterns in relation to gravity. Practitioners of Rolfing believe it to enhance vitality and well-being, and claim that after sessions, many clients stand up straighter, gain in height, and that soft-tissue bodily asymmetries tend to disappear. Rolfing is in some ways similar to deep tissue massage, however, practitioners stress that Rolfing's attention to the balance of the body in gravity sets the practice apart."
There are many people practicing this in Boston. Sharyn, I'll pass more info your way!
Lots of love to you both and to everyone else out there in this magical web!
xo Sky
Once again tears to my eyes. the measuring pole in your home is one i havn't thought of in ages. thank you for the visual of such fun and laughter when people signed there names so artisticly. I didn't grow much in height since i last visited that pole but over the years i've realized growing comes from within and so does the strenth to get thru these times. thinking of you and leb as i watch the sunset tonite.Love you. grace
Okay Caleb you're on!!!!
I for one am very relieved to know he has impoved enough to be at Spaulding. All systems are a "go" and it sounds as 'tho he is ready for some activity. You Sharyn, perhaps, can breath more easily and get some strength back. Hives???Good grief. It's all the worry,etc you have been holding in for so long. Hope they go away soon,soon. I send you lots of good and happy thoughts not to mention love and best wishes. Give 'em hell Caleb!!!!!!!!!!Penny on St.John
//
??
Yesterday, I went out with Jodi B et al on the boat to Billingsgate. The air was deliciously clear and crisp, the water sparkled and foamed in our wake. We saw grey seals, a sunfish, a boat load of feeder fish, and frolicked on the flats. It was a perfect first fall day, and it helped me to re-invent myself again...over and over. Oh how I am sure that Caleb is missing exactly this...the flats, the surf, the smell of a beautiful warm fall day... afterwards I cooked a meal for my wonderful friends Ceder, Ennie, Anne and Ann M and our little family, and, as per usual, sat around the requisite fire tellin' tales until late. It was such an intimate and poignant slice of time. Tales of Caleb, tales of the Bills, tall tales, short and fat tales...what an interesting weave we are of each other. And how collectively we revel in our dysfunctions! Even though the day felt perfect, I certainly do not! All we can do is stumble toward ecstasy. And Caleb is taking his baby steps too. good on ya matey!
On another note, for anyone interested in helping move the prayer circle three feet to the cannon, please come by the circle on Friday at 4 PM. Thank you all.
From: Suzanne in Truro
The Potter boys are an amazing threesome. One of my clearest memories of them is probably 20 years old. I was in Stop and Shop, muttering and complaining, when as I turned down yet another aisle, three dandylion-headed boys came somersaulting down the aisle toward me, past me and on into the next aisle. I had to smile and it made my day. Triangles are strong because two of the sides always support the third. My love and support go to all three brothers. Keep supporting Caleb's "side" and he will in turn, support yours.
Show me a functional family, or one that purports to being one, and I will show you real DYSFUNCTION--some dysfunction is fine because it give the members something to strive for and work on together..that being said, the thought of Caleb's new adventure, arduous that it might be, is well, a new adventure that he will face with the usual determination. I worked with a bright young child with cerebral palsy many years ago. Her PT got her out of her wheelchair and she held on to her walker to practice walking. I saw the utter determination in her mind to will her leg to move, slowly from her hip down, one and a time. She was sweating--what is so non-thoughtworthy for us, was a task of extreme focus...I will never get that picture out of my mind. I know that Caleb will have that same focus, and be just as exhausted, but will work really hard! Good luck to him and his supportive family and caregivers! Judi/St.P
I think it might be the arch that is the strongest but maybe it's the triangle. If it's the arch then kai and Max can be at the ends and Lebster can be in the middle at the top- you, Mumsie can watch!!
Sharyn - You sound so much better and keep up the great work and don't lose that beautiful smile. I think I said something a while back, like "When things go wrong and they sometimes will, don't quit!" Now I see that someone has sent you the whole poem. GREAT!
Caleb - I know you won't quit and we look forward to seeing you in the future, driving down our road with your surfboard on the back of your truck. So, I hope you've read that whole poem and, "Don't Quit"! We think of you daily and wish you continuing wellness as you 'trudge uphill'! Just think of it as being a sand dune, after spending an afternoon surfing.....
you always made it to the top.....
Love and Hugs - Natale & Peter
"Hello" to one of my favorite Ladies,
Well, to start, yes, Sky did do an AMAZING job on yesterday's blog, huh? Quite insightful into the true meaning of Wellfleet.
I want to tell you that I am so greatful to be Caleb's friend, and to have your whole family in my life. I am so happy to have stumbled upon Wellfleet, and greatful that I was able to marry one of the Fleetian boys-The most genuine men I know. I may not be even half as close to you as Lizzy, Sky, Lily, Ryan, Jill, or any of the other Fleetian girls, but I find myself lucky to have found you in my life at all. You are a true inspiration to me, Sharyn. I know that you always downplay yourself on the blog, and always say that you are no superhero or anything, but I know for a fact that many people look at you as just that,"SUPERMOM/SUPERWOMAN"...LOL!!!You would definately think of yourself differently if you were looking from the outside-in at yourself, and seeing how wonderful you truely are/your family is. You say that you are a disfunctional family like any other...Well, you definately put a new spin on disfunction. Your family is the most genuine, close-net, loving, giving family that I have EVER met. And Kai said it perfect when he mentioned that all three boys were part of a strong triangle. They are definately all individuals, but all bonded together as one perfect unit.
Look at how well your boys have turned out, Sharyn:
Kai- The layed back, good-hearted, talented, artsy, intalectual surfer with a green thumb.
Max- A well rounded, genuine, happy, hard worker...Who is very handsome I might add...hehehe!!! ;)
And CALEB- I won't even go there...If I start going off about Caleb I'll fill the whole page!!!
No mother I know has raised ALL of her childen to be so great. It sayes a great deal about you, Lady. A GREAT deal!!!
Oh, and...Hahahahaha....You're in for it on Wed....Hehehe...Chris has came up with some quite interesting Judi-Lebber stories to share with EVERYONE...Are you sure you're ready? Man those two are pair...Can't wait to see what he actually writes....:P
And...Well...now that I have rambled on again...Blah, Blah, Blah....It was nice talking to you, and as always...We hope to see you soon.
Nicole and the Miner Fam!!! :)
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
-Helen Keller
All the love in the whole world is sent to you guys today and all the days to come!
Hate to turn the attention elsewhere but I have a few questions...
1) What's Disco Night like at the Lighthouse?
2) What do you wear to such an event?
3) Is it crowded?
4) Is it only 21+?
Any extra comments...?
Sharyn-
Does Spaulding carry oysters? If not, you better come up with a way to get him to Oysterfest! Just joking with you babe!
Love
dys-func'tion n.- abnormal functioning
ab-nor'mal a.- not normal
nor'mal a.-1. usual; natural
2. average
Well, who the heck wants to be usual or average????? Congratulations on being a family that is superior!
Caleb, today it's 3 steps which are far better than no steps at all, and tomorrow...well it's always one foot in front of the other. Keep on keeping on...
Peace to you all tonight-
Audrey
Sharyn,
Now I didn't think you had any faults! Could you please provide me with a list of what your faults are for my review....
Caleb could have been in Star Wars... "May the Force be with You." He has great genes! He'll do it!
Sharyn, as much as you may have felt dysfunctioal as a family, I think that becomes a relative term these days. The older I get the more I realize that unfortunately it seems to happen in a lot of families in some form. Some people just handle problems much better than others. I think when you all get back to Wellfleet your going to have to raise the beam in your kitchen at least a few feet!
Kevin
You either quit or you grow, YES!
I knew the sort of steps Caleb is taking, how arduous, how tiny the ground covered....my daughter was 21, and after emergency surgery, had little blood left in her, and staples up and down her belly, but she walked her walks every day....a few feet at first, tiny shuffling steps that made her look like a tiny ancient person, bent over, such a struggle....each day those steps and the ground covered will get a little longer for Caleb, and he will be the old Caleb only much much stronger. I am so glad for him, and everyone who loves him.
Love,
Pam in VT
Sharyn'
Always good to hear from you - so glad to hear Caleb is working hard. Stay strong Sharyn and Caleb, each day will be just one inch closer to home. Prayers sent up to all of you. Margie
'all limbs have movement and the possibilities are endless. "
That was so great to read ! Gail
Wanted to respond to Sky's entry on rolfing since I'm a rolfing veteran and staunch advocate. Check out Diana Phillips in Newton, (www.bostonrolfer.com) who treated me last year, and who is an amazingly spiritual person.
Alycia
Dear Sharyn, Things go in steps. Remember, as our children grew? Caleb is a catalyst for love. My biggest fear right now is the threat of the big nasty infection returning. Barring that, then he is on his journey back to the Fleet!!! Good things are worth waiting for, always!!!!!!! Caleb, KICK ASS!!! love, Andrea
As I pack my boxes for my move to Wellfleet, I find Sky's insights into Wellfleet relationships and town dynamics to be both enlightening and reassuring. And, Sharyn, today's post--about what it means to be a family--was spot on! As always, thanks for the "window" and the "mirror".
Go, Caleb, go! Every step, no matter how small the distance covered, is great progress.
NY mom
Sharyn,
Sky was awesome but we missed you! You and the family have a long but beautiful road ahead of you. Together you can beat anything...and with us behind you, you can't lose! We continue to keep you all in our thoughts and prayers.
tc
p.s. A big ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
to Caleb! Rock On Caleb!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Potters, Lindsays, and Aunt Carol,
It's great to hear that Caleb is at Spauding. His strong Willlll has brought him there. Family, holds together through thick and thin.
Your all shooting stars in my book.
so stay the course and know that we are here waiting for you.
Good night wishes will come true just dare believe.
love from us all
ON THE TURN
The "turn," the moving meditation done by Mevlevi dervishes, originated with Rumi. The story goes that he was walking in the goldsmithing section of Konya when he heard a beautiful music in their hammering. He began turning in harmony with it, an ecstatic dance of surrender and yet with great centered discipline. He arrived at a place where ego dissolves and a resonance with universal soul comes in. Dervish literally means "doorway".
When what is communicated moves from presence to presence, darshan occurs, with language inside the seeing. When the gravitational pull gets even stronger, the two become one turning that is molecular and galactic and a spiritual remembering of the presence at the center of the universe. Turning is an image of how the dervish becomes an empty place where human and divine can meet. To approach the whole the part must become mad, by conventional standards at least. These ecstatic holy people, called matzubs in the sufi tradition, redifine this sort of madness as TRUE HEALTH.
Translation by Coleman Barks
as always, peace, thoughts and love
My beloved Grandmother,(who we called Nanny) was married to Grampa for 74 years. Nanny and Grampa had many ups and downs as would be usual in almost 100 years of life , but they were tough and tenacious. They loved, they fought, they raised successful (each in their own way) children, and those children raised us. What I learned from her was that life is full of joy beyond measure, sorrow that seems unrelenting and just plain craziness in between. As she put it :Alone, we would fall, but together we can hold each other up. That is what it means to be a family. Not all families can provide that support, and sometimes you don't realize you have it until adversity strikes. But have it you do, in your sons,extended family, and community , town and cyber.
Caleb, know that with every baby step, we are there to hold you up, that our strength is your strength, and that with this family behind you, you can not fail.
As always with much hope,
peg from PA
OMG Sharyn, if your family is disfuntional what does that make mine? Anyone who has seen Sharyn walking to town with her boys lined up in the little red wagon or dressed in the most awesome homemade costumes for the Halloween parade (her kids costumes were better than anything in the Macy's Parade or the red carpet anywhere) knows that this Mom was doing her best, always. Caleb is getting better, that's the important thing and he didn't do it alone either.
Family Comes Together
Family comes together
For always and forever
In sickness and in health
In poverty or in wealth
Family comes together
For always and forever
Without any reason
Anytime or any season
Family comes together
For always and forever
In death or in life
In happiness or in strife
Family comes together
For always and forever
In anger or in kindness
Whether all seeing or in blindness
Family comes together
For always and forever
Whether for work or for play
They somehow find a way
For family to come together
Because families are forever
Glaedr the poet
Sue
Hurray for the return of Rumi....and "On the Turn"...thank you thank you "anonymous"...welcome back!!
and family......
Family is LOVE...
Love is Family....
and all the territory in between....
perhaps it is our greatest Lens through which to learn our Life Lessons.....
LOve is the "lens" for Family....."family is the "lens" for LOVE......
and the lessons just keep on coming!!!!
"be good family".....we are all FAMILY....good morning, folks
good morning to the whole Potter/Lindsay clan/circle/swirl/blog family ...
love light!ly...and family....;-D ....ch/dad
Sharyn- thought of you this morning as I am checking weekly sketchbook assignments. The kids were asked to draw their own superhero- what are their powers? Flipping through flying, fire- breathing, invisible, spider/superman-wolverine type creatures (many of which reminded of Ken and Kai's young imaginations); I finally see a drawing of an average looking woman. The student's superhero was his aunt, who he thought of as his mom,and her powers were simply constant love and strength. Is there a better way to start the day? I think not. You are all in my heart every day. RB
every time I come here which is every day you make salty tears fall out of my eyeballs and usually I laugh a little too.
Today I want to do a little cheer for Caleb, short skirt and all.It's going to be painfull work getting those sexy legs back so he'll need lots of encouragement...
Caleb and anyone else who needs a lift today... visualize a hot blonde girl in a mini skirt and tight sweater jumping and claping and bouncing, cheering your name over and over!
love and kisses,your little cheerleader
Sending my energy to CALEB from 2 thousand miles away...
and for Sharyn,Jan,Kai,Max.
I have been posting every day as anonymous, but after ch/dad thanked me for "The Turn" I felt I should identify myself. I am ever present in spirit to all of you, this incredible community, and place I call HOME.. I miss it so.. d LaFrance.
More Rumi for Caleb's day....
Dance, when your broken open.
Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance, when your perfectly free.
as always, peace, thoughts and love
A quick correction, the prayer circle move will take place this friday at 5:30 pm. thanks everyone!
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