Thursday, August 23, 2007
Where we are today
The Neuro team walking in which means we walk out. Kai ever so serious with ashen face, Max always quiet. Richard looking worried. Kai leaves Caleb's side last and gives him a bow with palms together, facing upward. Ethan has weight on his shoulders and my friend Donald holding me up in his thoughts. Jan is at the other end of the line waiting patiently - impatient. Caleb has another lumbar drain and is drained. Neuro will be back soon with white count and then another drain in the back of the head. We hover over him -all of us united in faith and hope . Most of the time we are solemn but then in a Caleb fashion something funny bubbles out to make us laugh- a release badly needed. We are waiting it out - the hours tick by. I feel feverish. Anxious, anxious, anxious. Kai looks across to me , each holding hands joined through Calebs' and he says " I can't wait to get this boy home to Fleet" and I now know and can picture that - we want all of you there as you have been through this journey . Fear is an illusion and we are looking away from the mirror and into the window. I apologize to whomever wrote that Jan seems to loom on the outside of this picture - he is always present for Caleb and is Caleb's pillar of strength. We are a family joined by love. Love, mumsie
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52 comments:
i am loving every one of you with every ounce of my heart in this very moment. now.
I was working at Kia Ora yesterday and met a nice older man who was kindly wanting to know who this Caleb Potter fellow was. I opened my lips to begin my answer, and found I had no voice with which to speak, and tears streamed down my cheeks with a furious rush. I took a deep breath and apologized, and the man took my hand and held it for a moment, looked into my eyes and said "sweetheart, he will be alright...I can see it in your eyes and feel it in your hands. Have faith." Yet another reminder to us all that we must be patient and go along for the ride on caleb's journey back to wellness....Sendin love to you all....amy st.john
p.s. Homeopathic arnica can't hurt...and might help with all the swelling and inflamation. Also, Bach Flower Rescue Remedy...
sky said it so beautifully...I too, am sending love, hope and peace to each and every one of you along with a giant bear hug that encompasses you all. hold on tight.
My spouse and I are with you and your family as you join hands with Caleb. Our hands rest firm in all of yours. Invisible as they might be, I can assure you, we are with you.
Dear Sharyn, Jan & Boys,
My two-year old daughter sits at my side whenever I bring up your blog. Today she looked at Caleb's picture at the top, pointed, and said "Mummy, Pi-wate." "Grrrrrrr." I think she sums it up nicely. Love to Caleb and you all...
Dear Sharyn, Caleb, Kai, Jan, and Max, We love you, we love you all. Love is a thread that connects us all so we are never alone. Our hearts beat as one. Caleb is a bright white light, a catalyst for love itself. You are a wonderful loving family who is part of an even bigger family of all of us out here. Hang tough, Andrea, Geoff, Zoe, and Ben
This IS what docs do best ...really. And it is so much worse for all of you, Caleb's dear family, than it is for him right now. Hang on. Susie
i catch myself holding my breath. "stop that sky!", i whisper in my own ear. we have to let it in and out. smoothly. calmly. evenly. let it flow.
Captain Yellowbeard, WE ARE WITH YOU!
love, sky
...with candles lit in the "caleb corner" of my room here in denmark (with photos, a treasure chest, rescue remedy and all!)
We will continue to hold you in our thoughts.
hey good folks,
thinkin bout you all every day, picturing that daily trek to the hospital, the highs, the lows, tryin to be in step with you all the way, feelin scared, feelin hopeful, letting go, hangin on, a roller coaster ride for all who love, and that is what i feel right now...
peace, in all its many forms,
stack
I am waiting and thinking and breathing along with you all- you are in my thoughts.
Hello Sharyn. Wishing, hoping, praying, and waiting with you. I share one of my favorite sayings: "Women are like tea bags, you don't know how strong they are until they are put into hot water." It is in rough times like these that God tests our strengths, and our weaknesses. Though it at times seems unthinkable, things happen for reasons, and eventually this will all have meaning. Keep on keepin' on and have faith that this will all makes sense, even when it hurts this bad. We are all with you, feeling you through this blog with each word, and through each beat of your hearts. Waiting with you, and scared with you, wondering what will be. Your family is amazing, you are amazing, Caleb is amazing. We love and miss you all around here. Things just aren't the same. Our hearts are straining - nervous and carrying this tremendous weight of anticipation. We love you and are there with you in spirit. We hope you, Leb, Jan, Kai and Max can feel us tonight, we come in numbers, with nothing but our strength to fight this crazy battle with you and the fam. Please hear our prayers, and feel our hearts beat along with yours tonight.
Jan, Sharyn, Max, Kai, Richard, Wellfleet, all the bloggers,
have faith in your faith
peace, love, light and healing to you all
Patty
My favorite Aunt died in her 60's of cancer. She was a very vibrant and gracious lady. She called me a few days before she died to see how I was doing. That's the kind of person she was...always thinking of others. Her one regret was that she would not get back to the Cape before she died. I reminded her that Wellfleet has always been our paradise. Neither of us could imagine any better model for heaven than Wellfleet on a perfect summer day. No matter what happens, I believe Caleb will make it home. Of course I hope, like all who are following his progress - that for the moment it will be the earthly one. -Suzanne
Dear .....all....
GB and I just sat down and read the blog for Late afternoon and all the added comments....
Caleb's Hospital crew....and allllllll the rest of you.....US....are awesome.... I mean waaaaaaay awesome....from sea to shining sea ...and across most of 'em....awesome....
as anne so aptly and sweetly put it...."this , folks is what it's all about.....This is IT!"
...of course, that is figuring in...all the life stories of each and every one of us....and all the folks that have affected each of us...and you..have affected ...in turn..and all the folks that we don't even know by sight....yet....it's an incredible WEB that we all represent/are living....and...just like when we're doing a looooong OMMMM in the circle.....sometimes it feels like ...sorta like ...hmmmm... I might be the only one taking a breath....or singing real low...or real high...but ya just gotta have faith that the rest of the circle is gonna fill it in.....
and you know what???? The circle fills it in.....whatever we need....whatever Caleb needs....whatever Jan, kai, max,richard ....jennie...sharyn.... need... is somewhere within our CIRCLE....or connected to it...
Keep the Faith....keep breathing out.....AND in.....rescue remedy....arnica.....hugs...tears....circles....candles....tears....it ALLLLLLLLLLL counts...we ALLLL count....and it IS LOVE that causes the rain to fall and the tides to rise....in a HUGE manner of speaking...and we're all learning about the parts that don't involve...."speaking"....hang in there...keep breathing and believe....The universe will provide the ooooomph....We all get to Breathe it....in...and out......in......and out....and PUSH a big chunk of it ....toward Boston.....we love you over there....light!ly....ch and GB in the Hollow....
ps....I got a coupla bags of candles... I'm gonna stop by cumbies and grab a couple of lighters (we've been a little short lately!!!(-;) and I'm gonna head on into town hall....cuz... I can't imagine being anywhere ELSE , tonight....and besides...some folks aren't so near to town Hall....and...we love you ALL...out there....Fleetians Love...we REALLY DO..... Love.....
Have a sweet evening..and let's push a piece of it all...to Caleb and his mateys...
Cannot say anything that hasn't already been said better. Just that we are all still with you every day in our hearts and minds in this agonizing time.
I was so impressed that the nurse from Cape Cod Hospital wrote. That was really sweet.
Love,
Flo
Dear Sharyn,
Breathe in,visualize the word 'faith'.....
breathe out, visualize the word 'fear'......
holding you in our hearts in provincetown
Dear Lindsay/Potters,
We your extended family rock you lovingly in our arms,hold you close within our hearts and whisper sweet words of strength into your ears.
Carol O
it has all been said so beautifully,please know there are many too shy to write, but are pulling for you caleb and thinking of you all every day - sharyn, your bare knuckles truth is down to the bone and as a mother you wrench my heart and speak the truth every single day....
truro mom
Sharyn you are right...We are with you all! Keep the faith!
You all continue to be in our thoughts and prayers! Arrrrrrr!
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
I think everything has been said here, but, just had to add......stay strong, we are all with you and yor family tonight. Hugs and sweet kisses to all of you. Our prayers are being heard I know they are. Peace and love....goodnight.
I forgot to put that the poem above was e.e. cummings
I think it's meant as a love poem, but I always thought it could be about a mother and child.
What a beautiful bunch of people. Thinking of your Caleb tonight, as always.
Jan is the quiet one. He feels no less than you or her . . . just differently. He is strong/weak in his way as we in ours. Jan is the quiet one that loves his sons his way . . . more than anything else in his life. He needs your prayers.
p.m.
There are oceans of love for you Caleb, and your wonderful family.
To you all, Caleb, wonderful family, and your many close friends,
Faith, Hope and Love for tonight and beyond....and for tomorrow we pray for a new day of positive horizons. Arrrrrrr!!!!!
The Holden Inn Clan
Sharyn,
Prayer is powerful and know Caleb is in my prayers every waking minute. Margie
Dearest Sharyn and family,
We are carrying your burdens on our shoulders, too! I hope that makes it a little lighter. Prayers and healing thoughts continue again as you pass through these dark hours onto bigger, brighter times. You have been through so much in such a short period of time. You're a beast! Truly a tower of strength. Where you can find the capacity to write so creatively and joke so naturally in the midst of a moving roller coaster is totally beyond me! Grace and Roland must have done one heck of a job raising you because you were created for this! (Do you still sew? Does anyone here know what a great seamstress she is? Ask her how many times she was at the Ohio State Fair modeling her creations on the runway!) Love you much, my farmer friend, Keep the faith, Sue and kids
Sharyn, Jan, Kai and Max,
Please know I am sending you thoughts of love, strength and peace as you stand by your dear Caleb.
Hang tough you all. Bring our pirate home to fleet. Love you all.
Jerre, Barb, Clint, wendy, selina
I am just returning from dinner at Mac's Shack with Shaye as our waiter. I drove by prayer circle on the way home to see the crowd still there with a ton of candles lit. I stopped and embraced Chuck on the town lawn and felt the love of the generations and families that keep this town SO special. I laughed with Ennie as I told her I was drinking to numb myself and she pointed to the flask of rum in her pocket.
I now sit in a quiet house while Zack and Ella Mae sleep upstairs and I am crying while typing more than I have since July 4th. . . feeling scared but not wanting to admit it to anyone. I know we all have our moments of fear and this is mine. I prayed to my best friend Brian tonight who passed 4 years ago and begged him to show Caleb the way home. I have faith in Brian. . . I can't wait to see Caleb.
XOXOXO,
settie
Sharyn, Jan, Kai and Max,
We're ALL still with you and Caleb in this moment,
and in this moment,
and in every moment--
still here, still loving you, still
--El
Hi there,
You are all with me everyday!!!Caleb, Kai, Max, Jan, and Sharyn! I never new that knowing your family would be like this.
That boy is a miracle....I've thought that (at least) since the forth, no question! You're in my thoughts and heart!!!
Love, Kate red
Dearest Sharyn, My prayers are with you and the boys to have God wrap arms around you for peace and love. Know you are loved by all, Susie S.
It's 5:55 A.M. and the first thing I did this morning was check the blog. I pray you have good news today, let the sunshine, and bring a ray of hope. Praying for you all, with the rest of the nation.
We have all become "part of your family" The support and love that I see when I am reading is just awesome. It has been a tough road, but, Caleb and your family has brought total strangers together, that is such a rare gift in this society. I am honored to be part of this support system. God Bless, prayers will keep on coming.
There is a silent side of Wellfleet just as touched and concerned. We never miss a word, reading as tears run down our cheeks. We think of you and your family often. We too are adding our prayers of comfort and peace.
Dear Sharyn,
I can visualize Caleb's Grand Homecoming. The streets will be lined with hundreds of people, pirate flags waving, music playing as we watch Caleb and all of you ride by. The cheering will be deafening and endless. I can not wait for this day.
All my love to all of you,
monica
Positive thoughts of health, recovery and peace continue to be sent your way.
Jeff
Keep on pushin'.. breathe, hold the faith in your hearts.. I am glad despite all this pain Caleb encounters, that you all are together, Caleb's blood, dear friends, and a team of nurses/docs that hold Caleb in their best interest. We are here/there by your sides.. teary, hopeful, anxious, with our hearts full of light & love..
XO.. with candles lit for the Bill.
We wrap our spiritual arms around you all each day, all day.
I wish for a way to give you a moment's rest, to take your fears away and give you peace, yet I know that to each of you there now, every second that you close your eyes is precious time lost watching over Caleb.
When you can close your eyes, picture our big circle, out on the town lawn, in the evening with the glow of candles all around, you in the middle, with Caleb.
That is the moment we're waiting for, when you can all come home to this little slice of heaven we call home.
We love you all.
praying and sending love, wishing there was more we can do for all of you who stand vigil over the pirate. knowing he is in the best hands... ann m
Hello Caleb's Mum,
I've been following your posts for nearly a week now....I typed in Caleb's name when my husband and I returned home to Vermont from a vacation in Wellfleet last Saturday. I had to know who Caleb is, this young man who has generated the hugest outpouring of community love and support that I have ever seen in my 48 years. There are prayers for him here, and a great many "Arrrrs" being thrown about in our home. Last night, out of the blue, my husband who doesn't tell jokes asked, "Do you know what kind of socks pirates wear?" ARRRRRRRgyle!! Caleb is in our thoughts and hearts here, every day and night.
When we first arrived in Wellfleet on August 11, I commented to my husband on the pictures of the handsome young man in store windows, with notes that pleaded, "Pray for Caleb Potter." There were banners for him everywhere, invitations to fundraising efforts....I put money in one of the jars in a store for him, without knowing anything about what was wrong....I was (and am) just so deeply moved by your community's spirit.
We also noticed the black pirate flags everywhere, and wondered what that was all about. One day, after a lovely afternoon at Indian Neck, we were driving back to our cabin when someone passed us in a car.....with a skeleton dressed as a pirate riding in the passenger seat! I shook my head and laughed, "What is UP in this town?!"
Now I know. As a mother who nearly lost my own 25-year-old just a few short years ago, right before her 21st birthday, I know you and feel you in my heart, I feel your body and spirit as you watch and wait and love.
Peace. There are souls in Central Vermont pulling for your boy, and your whole family,
Pam K
"For the most part, fear is nothing but an illusion. When you share it with someone else, it tends to disappear."
-Marilyn Barrick
Psychologist
This one showed up waaaaaaaay at the end of the 59 comments on FORWARD HO!... I know that settie has likely seen it....but/and ...it speaks to us all....and I'm sure that her sharings....have helped us all and herself to "move on" from that FEAR...we toss it into the "circle" and somehow ...somehow....somehow .....the Whole Circle absorbs ...and processes that FEAR and it becomes less virulent...and perhaps even helps the Healing Process...love to all of us....and across the Bay to the Medical Castle to the N' East...light!ly....ch
the lizards say "you gatta tell me who Caleb Potter is."
tim bob replies: "he's a kid about whom pushy tourists can't seem to ask enough insensitive questions"
they say "oh" and put a buck in the cup.
"One love, one heart, let's get together and feel alright..." b.m.
My thoughts and heart are with you all, day and night. When I get afraid or nervious or anxious I either clean the house or work in the yard......my house is so clean I have to wear sun glasses....I've used every yard tool I have...I've mowed(too fresquently), pruned, chain sawed, weed wacked, edged, dead headed, weeded...walked in circles and started all over again!! I too, like Settie was very afraid the other night...I expressed that fear through mountains of tears at the prayer circles the other night and came out on the other side with strong faith that Caleb will pull through this, just like all the other obstacles he's encountered. Tim put it so well, "It's just another day." And it goes on.....love to you all, jodi
p.s. I think I'll go outside and use some miracle gro' so I have more work to do! And ...perhaps buy a box of wonderful Pillsbury pie crust and make a ba-loo-berry pie!
oooops....like Jodi, My compass must be spinnin'....that Medical castle with the Doctor/nurse princes/princesses of Light and Healing are to the NorthWEST......Sky is to the N'east....NOW I got it straight!!!sorta.....light!ly...and with hugs....all 'round....ch
Carrie and Neil are holding you all in our thoughts every day, all the time. Any energy we have we send to you. I'm glad that you all are able to be with one another, because there's a tremendous amount of love among you guys. Know that there are so many folks, all over, willing to do whatever to takes to be there with you and sending you their love, too.
The Fleetians fighting the nasty bugs? Haven't we been doing that for years?
Dear Caleb, We have never met, but I feel like I have known you for some time now. You see I have a son, his name is Noah. He is with out a doubt "my little pirate"! I see so much of your ambition, zest for life and courage in him every day. I don't think I ever really noticed it until I started keeping track of you and your family on a daily bases. When I read your mothers thoughts and feel her love for you in her words, it really touches my heart and soul. When I look at my Noah I now see that "pirate look" and embrase it more now than I ever have before! My husband bought him a new pirate flag yesterday and I put it up in his room over his bed in honor of you! Every time I see it, it will serve as a reminder of how brave and unstoppable boys can be...expecially you Caleb! You are in our hearts and thoughts on a daily bases and we are cheering you on from afar! Our hands are grasping yours and our arms are always around you! Keep that handsome chin of yours up and know that you are an insperation and a force to be reckoned with!
With much love and admeration,
Christa, Capt.Jack & Noah Jones
Wilmington, NC
PS... A Pirates Life For Us! Argggg! :)
Hey Sharyn, I think of you every day and send prayers and good thoughts your way. I miss your great energy and smile. I've been out of my house all summer and away from access to a computer. Been a strange summer but I don't have to tell you that! I so wish that there was a way to help more in this journey of yours and Caleb's. Hang in there, soak up all the energy coming your way. Can't wait until you and your family can all be home!!! I love you! Laura B.
Hi Sharyn, it's Grace, friday morning. Wanted to share with you that i dreamt last night that Caleb was telling a funny story to friends as i approached him sitting in one of those veranda swings with a blanket over him, He jumped up , threw his arms around me and said he was ok and and well.
As i told him to sit down and rest, he replied "i'm fine." That's all i recall of that moment but sharyn you were there too. And yes, you were a horse. A very cute, petite, loving pony to be exact. you were there when i awoke(in my dream) to get a drink of water. and you also tucked me back in, kissed my forehead gently and trootted away into the night. Thank you for being there for me alwys and not only do i think of you all in my dreams, you're in my every thought of everyday. XO
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