Saturday, August 11, 2007
Sat. Morn
So while all of you were preparing for a Friday night on the town;" sportin" the new high heels and push up bra, Caleb put on his new bare all in the backside hospital gown and went down for yet another CAT scan at midnight..He has changed his style just a bit for now! It was hard to see Kai and Max leave yesterday but they are retuning for Tyler's wedding and to make sure the fat Spud dog gets his walk. They are the cement that keeps me grounded -Caleb is in constant pain now - serious pain and I see in his eye where he wants to give up for the first time - we won't let him - but understandably he must feel like he is only going backwards when he had such a positive outlook before this! He has not slept for two days now and I can see his thoughts racing. Anyone out there who has ever loved someone knows how nightmarish watching this is and knows how how utterly helpless you feel! As a sign of unity and support, I am now "sportin" the hospital gown myself. So here is the run-down.... Caleb goes into surgery on Wed. This is the big bang- Neuro, Plastics and ENT teams presiding, they will begin through the nose - patching leaks as they go and then they splay him open from ear to ear to continue patching and repairing bones.- why so descriptive? Because I want you to know that I am doing everything in my power of persuasion and ways ( well not "all" my ways ) to pull in the best team of Doctors that is possible - but I need those prayers for Caleb in a big way this week - that is where you come in! I need you - he needs you! As I lie here watching his chest rise and fall, I am reminded of a time long ago when I wished for all the greatness in life for him - as I watched his chest rise and fall. Together, lets bring him home! Love, Mum
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
48 comments:
dearest sharyn,
my heart aches for you and your boy today. there is nothing worse than seeing and feeling your child in pain. please hold on, he needs your strength to get through this. keep saying to yourself, "this too shall pass", it's hard to believe right now, but it will. keep all of those beautiful, silly and positive visions of him in your heart and mind, it will help both of you. we are praying hard and furious here for Caleb and of course for you. sending a long distance hug to you today.
-audrey
We are all rooting for Caleb, and are supporting you both in this difficult phase. It is normal to feel discouraged sometimes. Determination will return.
love,
Flo
Sharyn,
If I know you there will probably be too many Doctors there for Caleb's surgery. Your in a great place with the best Doctors in the country. The prayers are ongoing from people everywhere.
Hang tough!
Kevin
Dear Sharyn,
Tough days for sure and my heart goes out to you. Keep up your positive thoughts and visions of Caleb back on the flats. Prayers are with you constantly and of course for Caleb, Kai and Max. Margie
Caleb WILL come through ok. He's young, strong, and healthy, but most important, he has a supportive and loving family.The power of positive thought and prayer is strong, and he has plenty of that. We read your blog every day, and follow your ups and downs with our own hearts. You are an amazing woman with a great fam! We will pray extra hard this week for Caleb! Robin & Priscilla
My Dear Sharyn,
Again, I say, Caleb is BLessed to have YOU for his MOM! PLease know that we are with you in very way possible, and our every prayer is that you both be given the strength, courage, hope to keep moving forward. But what you are constantly showing us all, is your Grace under pressure. Sharyn, Grace comes from that Almight Source, so please remember my Dear that you two are being held in the Palm if His Hand, no matter what....My teenage daughter, Mari, and I are singing this at this very moment for your and Caleb.... AMAGZING GRACE how sweet the sound..That saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found, Was blind, but now I see; Through many dangers, toils, and snares.. I have already come; 'Tis GRACE that brought me safe thus far, And GRACE will lead me home..When we've been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun We've no less days to sing God's praise Than when we'd first begun.....And Grace will bring you home.
My Dear I will work on Caleb this am, I will focus on pain and sleep. Visualize him In God's Hand, no more perfect place to be. Visualize all of us surrounding you both with Love, Hug and Kisses (I'm Mexican....I can't help the hugs and kisses). WE are with you in Heart and Spirit, Be well...you are Never Alone. With Love and Gratitude, Melinda from Greenfield
Dearest Sharyn,
You will feel strength in the power of prayer & the power of all who know and love you and Caleb. Love & prayer can & does make miracles happen. Rest up for what's to come.
Let the team of doctors & nurses know how much we pray for them too. We are here for you in love & spirit.
Love, Susie
Hi Sharyn,
YOu mentioned Caleb's one beautiful,blue eye-i bought a black, wrought iron candlestick in New Hampshire Friday
with one beautiful, blue crystal "eye" in the base of it! Will stick a candle in it and light it every night. Thanks for your writings; my thoughts are with you, Jan, Caleb, and your extended family.
Cathie
Cathie
dear sharyn...tears and cheers are flowin' in Paine Hollow....I'm off to "save the world"with drums!!! in Eastham at 9am..It IS Saturday am ...dontcha know......back to Caleb's spot to save the world in Wellfleet at 11....w/drums again!!!! surprise??!!.will miss yr smilin' face in for coffee across the street.(would that we could sweep the last 5 weeks all away....but WE ALL GET TO SAIL THE WINDS WE ARE GIVEN....and every Gale has it's quieting down.....rest assured that yours will come)....sweet momma and sharyn we LOVE...the hugest of HUGS from here to there!!!
know that we're with you and YOU with us....as we ALL circle around for Caleb....and ....the rest of our precious world....sweet hugs from HOME .......love and Light!ly......ch..and the scatterlings of Sunspirit.....(another dad FOR Caleb and crew)
When Cody was in unbearable pain and could not have pain killers yet from a ruptured appendix and gangrene recently, I fed him much rescue remedy and massaged his feet to try to give him
something else to focus on. This went on just for a few hours.... so I can only begin to imagine what Caleb, you and your family must be going through! My heart and tears go out to you all! Keep the faith, he WILL pull through! (and so will you!) Much much love, Maryann
Dear Sharyn, I am at a loss for words, and you know that doesn't happen often, but I remembered this quote that has helped me in the past:
"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." Martin Luther
Love, Carrie
Dear Sharyn -
Through your writings we have all become one with you, your family, Caleb and all you are going through. Although we can't imagine your pain or Caleb's, we can hurt with you and hold your hand. I have been told crisis is best dealt with small bits at a time. I'm sure Caleb's operation is looming for you, but try to deal with just getting through today. Gather your strength,go outside, look up at the sun, feel the warmth on your face and say "today I can do this." Find something good in today, and leave something good behind as you face tomorrow. Know you are doing everything possible to do your best - it is very apparent in your writings - you will always be a model to all of us. As I go through my day and something troubles me, I tell myself to put it aside because it is nothing compared to what you have mustered strength to deal with for the last five weeks. Keep pounding the shore, roll back a little, then come at it again. You are the "mother sea" and will rock Csleb in your arms until he is healed again!
Sharyn, it's times like these you find out how strong you really are and you are a warrior, woman! I am touched by your spirit, humor and wisdom every time I read one of your posts. I have been shy about posting up until this point really, but no more. Your open and honest posts inspire me to communicate. As I said in my first comment (posted yesterday), I don't really know you but I care. I am sending you all the positive vibes I can. Take care of yourself and may the higher power (whoever or whatever that might be) watch over you guys during this difficult time. I will continue to say prayers for Caleb.
-Kara K. Duff
Bless you sharyn for being so strong through these times when caleb is suffering. Its a hard place to pull yourself out of. We will all be sending our love your way! Grace
Hi Sharyn,
Just have comfort in knowing that Caleb is the most resilliant man on Earth, and even though it may seem hard for him to recover, HE WILL!!! There is NO way that Caleb will stand more than a couple of months out of Fleet....He will be driving back in that rig of yours soon enough. We love you and will talk soon.
~Nicole, Judi, and Caleb.
Please give Caleb a GIANT KISS and HUG for us!!! Thanks!!!
Dear Sharyn,
I cannot imagine, as a Mom, what it must be like to see your dear, sweet boy in such pain. None of you deserve this. You just have to keep on "keepin' on." You and Caleb can do this. God bless you, Caleb, Kai, Max and the medical staff. I am so thankful that Caleb in in such a wonderful hospital. It's a long road, I know. We who have been praying and lighting candles (I'm a big candle lighter!) will continue. I think of you guys and hold you in my heart all day long.
Blessings,
Friend from CT
We are all behind you. Our thoughts are with him all the time.
Dear Sharyn,
Like other people you have not met, I've felt shy about leaving a post. I arrived in Wellfleet on July 14th for a week and have been captivated by this blog since I spent an entire vacation afternoon reading it and praying for all who are a part of it. I didn't know what I could offer for a comment, but now seems the time to try.
I want you to feel how many people are sending you, Caleb and your family love and healing each day. As many people write to you, there are countless others sending waves of prayer and light that will reach you all -- your family, your son, you and all his doctors and caretakers. We do not all write because words can be tricky, because you don't know us though we feel we know you and Caleb now. But we are here, and what we send you is real. We are in awe of what you and Caleb have done; we ache for you and cheer for you and love the stories that help us learn more of Caleb and your family. I picture you in your own hospital gown and want you to visualize thousands of people out there putting one on as well, because in our hearts, that's what we're wearing today.
Margo does not have access to a computer and wanted me to send this message along on her behalf: "My deeply felt wishes are with you dear Sharyn and Caleb, and I look forward to seeing both of you back in our beloved Wellfleet. I am going on a silent retreat for five days, and both of you will be in my heart."
My prayers are with you, and Caleb everyday.. I have been following Caleb's progress daily via this site. Remember prayer works miracles, and no prayer goes unheard. Peace be with you and your loved ones. I have asked the Dominican nuns, who are a cloistered group of nuns that pray twenty four hours a day to keep Caleb in their prayers.
Sharyn,
Fill up a sink with water to the brim. . . .put your head underwater and scream your fucking heart out. I just did.
xoxox,settie
THE HOUR GLASS
Mark the golden grains that pass brightly through this crystal glass. Measuring by their ceaseless fall, heaven's most precious gift of all.
Pauseless till the sand be done, see the silent current run.
Till it's onward treasure shed, when another hour is fled, It's task performed, it's travel past.
Like mortal man it rests at last.
Yet let some hand invert the frame and all it's powers return again.
For all the golden grains remain, To work their little hour again....
peace
Praying for you both -
we'll be thinking of you and holding you in our hearts this week...
hey you.. deirdre and i really want to come up sometime soon and cook for you all (only the finest from the old flying fish menu..remember the summer pasta and the chicken gorgonzola?) and give you some laughter and light and good wine..and then skeedaddle over to ellen lebow's for the night, so we ain't in your hair.
tell me when you are up for it.. and even IF you are..what ever is best for you all. we are leaving for cape breton on the 20th for 4 days.. but i will make time for you ANYTIME girlfriend (well, except for those 4 days..).
Town is really crowded and i killed a greenhead as big as my foot the other day..and man-o-man the back side is mungy..(and i'm not talkin' caleb's now- famous- from- the- blog backside!) I guess this is a pitiful attempt to tell you that nothin's really changed back here..except for the REMARKABLE community of all us folks in the world who are helping you and the boys by sending the love glue that binds us so tightly together. in a strange way, caleb has given all of us the gift of just loving each other. folks who were'nt talking before are hugging each other, all the bullshit just melts away when we all know just how precious life really is..
yesterday before my gig at the tavern, i went up to cannon hill to commune with the big old red pirate flag up there, and watch a very beautiful sunset..i even tried straightening out the flag, but i think ceder and ennie put itchy juice and barbed wire around the damn thing so i could'nt straighten her out! in my heart i know that the boy will be fine with some more time under his belt. i think of him and you all at least 50 times a day... if you want to connect with some edible delights one of these days, give me a shout at lbrown@c4.net...
breathe deep. i love you. lisa
Sharyn,
The question is: are you sporting your "bare-all-in-the-backside hospital gown when you are trying to persuade those great docs to work their magic on Caleb? If not, well, you surely know what to do—and by the way, it wil be even more effective with bright red lipstick...
We're pooling all our energies and banked karma here in Orleans and sending it up to you.
—Paula, Chris, Casey, Abby
Sharyn,
Out and about Town this AM for errands and all the fleetians I saw wanted to talk about you and Caleb. We can imagine how hard this week is for you but we all really believe that it will get better. Tell Caleb we all believe it. love, arlene
Dealing with pain is exhausting and stressful. I have had a couple of recent experiences with severe pain and illness that taught me some things that might be useful.
It is important, if you can communicate with him, to keep reassuring him that the pain is not dangerous (even if that isn't true).As you know from childbirth pain is worse when there is fear. It is easier to deal with pain if you can respond to it as an extreme sensation, not as something that is life-threatening. It is also okay not to fight it. If you are the kind of person that Caleb is, you want to fight to rally back, but fighting this is like fighting the ocean, you can't win and will just exhaust yourself. What I learned was that there is a difference between trying to fight pain away and willing it away. I can't really explain the difference except that surrendering to it and then willing it away gave me a sense of more control. I am not a new age type at all but I guess the second option was more meditative.
He also needs to be reassured that, if he can just hang on, the surgery will stop the pain. And also, don't hesitate...and I am sure you won't...to demand every kind of option possible for pain management. There are pain specialists in hospitals. If you haven't already got one, find one.
Good luck. I know this is really awful. Remind him about the beach...the image of Lecounts on a perfect mung free day has got me through my darkest hours.
Suz
Dear Sharyn...once again..... for today...on my way into Eastham I realized that some folks might not know the quote I've had on my boatshop wall since we all got back from the islands in 1983 or earlier perhaps....."You can not change the wind.....but you CAN adjust yr sails!"
hang tight....put on yr "safety harness" just in case the boat takes a BIG one.....it might help you keep your "footing" ....and not "go over the side"....but hey! that's what the merlot is for sometimes!!!! (-;
after great movies last night I'VE DECIDED TO DO A HOOT-RAISER.....Surf Movies For Caleb....(a repeat showing when he/you're back in town!!) Thursday August 16th....after 9pm....we may hold off till the circlers have circled at town Hall but/and we can take requests and show GREAT surf footage til Midnight and beyond..... Seb F. found me a new Costa Rican Adventure ....TRIPPIN' In Costa Rica II....don't know if there is footage from Nosara....but we'll be looking for it!!!!We just need to RAISE our Collective HOOT - Level around here....so PASS THE WORD.... sky-o will be back to denmark unfortunately(for her, too!!) but there should be a few surfers around that'll show up to HOOT for Caleb.... the surf HOOTS go along with the AAAAAARRRGGGHHHH's ....dontcha know???!!!....and here's lookin' forward to the day we can all paddle back out into the line-up ....together....we love you....light!ly....ch....another dad...and his scatterlings of sunspirit
Hi Sharyn,
We think about you every day and continue to pray for God's grace and peace for you, Caleb and your sons. Even though it's been twenty years this month (I think( since I've seen you (remember our Boston shopping trip?), this entire experience makes my heart ache for you and helps me to remember what a great friend you are!! You Lindsay farmers are a tough bunch and you know how to survive, thrive and triumph. I am reminded of Carol's ordeal as well.
Continue to keep the faith, baby. I wish I could be there to give you a great big hug but words will have to do. Prayers will continue until Caleb is back on his feet and your life returns to some semblance of normalcy. Love ya much, Sue, Christa, Kimme, and Jeff
Shayrn,
Like the winds off the ocean, the thoughts and prayers and healing meditations of all who are with Caleb and and are constant, always there surrounding and lifting.
Lack of sleep is as draining as pain. He will get through this, the haze will clear, the pain will subside. It won't be easy but it will be.
Jeff
I pray for Caleb and you every day! I know it makes it easier to push through every day to have a mother like you. He abseloutley has the drive to make it to the through and then some!! He dosen't get it from any stranger!!!!!
Love, prayers and positive thoughts
Angeie
Dear Sharyn-
Caleb and all of you are always in our thoughts and prayers and we're doing our best to send all of the positive energy your way, your strength is amazing!
there is so much love and support for you guys, plus i've been making sure that all of santa barbara sends Caleb their prayers too - shwillin' beers and cheers for Caleb!
Kian
Sharyn,
Hopefully this finds you well today, tomorrow..
Caleb is everywhere..pirates, in my dreams, in my cards, & I dug out a TON of old pictures, and will be sending some very soon.
Caleb, I want to thank you for all this, while it has been very unfortunate especially for you, you have manifested so many little miracles around the world.. when I was in Wellfleet I felt the best I had there in a long while, I think people really kinda started to be a little bit more grateful, & forgiving, and I know my own life has blossomed a lot with all this.. you have taught us so much this past month. Eyes, and hearts have opened.
Sharyn, I hope for your sake, you aren't naked under that gown..cause you'll have a lot of extra visitors stoppin in to check you out!!
Love ya much!
P.S.
Sharyn~ the details are hard-ish to hear but good, with prayer it is always best to know what we need to visualize healing, knowing his ailments it makes it easier to ask for strength where it is most beneficiary. Tonight I will whisper to him to ease himself into a good nights sleep..
My (and our family) thoughts and prayers have been with you everyday. A present comes your way to soften the aches and pains of being a mother. No medicine is better than the wonderful children related times you have had that come to mind to fill the void of this hard task you are doing. A pirate accompanies the brew to watch over Caleb. Your strength and determination will get Caleb though this healing voyage.
Roberta
Dear Sharyn,
We are all here for you...we'll be praying for Caleb's current pain to subside and for a very successful operation on Wednesday. I'm positive the doctors will do an excellent job and Caleb will be feeling much better very soon.
Our hearts have been with you during this very difficult week. You are truly an inspiration to all of us for your immense strength and for your ability to share each day with us.
Love, Monica and Linda
dear yellowbeard,
the storm has not yet passed.
one last showdown as if to test you once again.
the storm has no clue what it has come up against.
the storm will soon learn that this is a fight it can not win.
you send it on its way with the strength we know you have.
this shall be your finest victory.
hold coarse yellowbeard hold coarse
I know a women that had the same type of menengtis that caleb has. She said the headachs were unbearable. But she also said as the infection disapated, so did the pain. Hang in there lebs, the pian will go away. we pray for you both all day every day..
luv weeks
Sharyn, this is very, very tough news... like so many others here, I wish I had some words to offer that would comfort you. Watching your child suffer is just about the worst experience there is. I know this. My entire family is praying for yours, and hoping for the tide to turn for Caleb very soon. Please remember to take care of you.
Jerry G
Sharyn,
You probably don't remember me, but we were pregnant together, Caleb & Jamie. My sister just turned me on to this site... I am truly moved by all here.
Having gone through a two week journey from complete life support for my daughters first two weeks of life, I have felt what it is like to be on the edge with your precious child. And I know how strong a mothers love is, and the power of prayer.
I hope you are comforted, once again, as all who surround me have steadfastily prayed for Caleb, Kai, Max, Jan & Mumsy.
Will continue to do so.
Love from afar.
Maggie
Our prayers have been with Caleb as we came to town this week. This is our 14th year on the Cape and we have not been anywhere in the world where there has been more evidence of outright love and devotion to a person and to a family. Thanks for posting the signs asking for positive thoughts and prayers. Prayer always works.
my family and i have been summering in wellfleet for many, many years. although i do not know you and your family, i just would like you to know that i have been praying for both caleb and for yourself. you seem like an incredible woman and i hope that you can remain strong. love and prayers.
Sharyn,
I can't dive into that pit in my stomach that is holding in my pain for you.
I think of it as something I have siphoned off of from you to help you with your burden.
When that dive seems imminent, I hold my spine straighter and breathe deeply and let my tears out and try to help it all go through 'us'.
I sleep with my babies and hold them close for you. They are warm and safe and all is well...I kiss them and hold you here with us and try as hard as I can to send this to you, this feeling...so that you can somehow know how everything will be okay and feel like this again.
You are a beautiful light in this world and have graced us with sharing it and making us all the better for it.
peace and love and light my friend.
I can't stop thinking about how great Caleb will feel when this current faze has passed!
Sending warmest thoughts, tightest hugs and all of my positive energy your way.
Don't worry, fat spud will be walked. Jeff, Scro, and fat Tim Bob got that taken care of.
Sharyn & Jan too ... We remember when Caleb was born - You gave him such a wonderful entry into life - he is a combination of you both with such spunk and determination. Our girls remember babysitting when he was a baby and toddler- he was early with everything and so determined and so full of life. Michelle and Aime could never keep up with him!! We know how serious this current situation is with Caleb - and we want you to know we are thinking of you all every day. Caleb still has that same determintion and spunk. It's in his genes! He is in the best of hospitals and getting the best care possible. His drive and determination will pull him along. Please know we are thinking about you all every day and we hope Caleb's pain deminishes and surgery goes well Wednesday. We hope you can get some rest. You will need your strength too. Our love, thoughts and prayers to you and Jan and the boys.
Love, J & J
Dear One,
I have just read the blog and tears are streaming! What an outpouring of SINCERE caring and love this whole event has engendered in us. But as comforting as it is to know that there is so much support for you and for Caleb and for all the family, the ache in my heart is for you having to endure this roller-coaster and to see your firstborn struggle so. YOU MUST NOT LET HIM GIVE UP! Tell him I SAID SO! Through the pain, help him to envision himself whole and hardy, silly and loving, working and playing, holding Jenny, hugging Max and Kai, arms around his Dad, sitting by your side in deep communion. Just keep sending him those images of himself, all the while thanking Spirit for the healing that is taking place. I feel far from you today, for I would so love to put my arms around you and hold you and give you my strength. So that is what I must envision is in truth happening as I type this.
SO MUCH LOVE,
Anne
Post a Comment