I am peering down at Caleb, new scar exposed from fresh bandage to show and even bigger train track racing across his forehead, and I must say .. he looks so peaceful,self assured - with a sweet little smile planted on his lips. You would think by looking at him that he already knows what this life has in store for him. Today I am letting go and am attempting to stop orchestrating life. An effort at controlling the future is futile. Thank you for your words which helped to put me into proper allignment. Go with the Flo ...I have turned the boat into the current instead of trying to paddle against. I am confident that Caleb is confident- I have been projecting my fears onto him and tho at this time I feel like we are joined at the hip..Caleb still gets to decide for himself. He gets to choose how he will be and what he will be. He is good at finding the best feeling thought he can muster up at whatever point he is on his journey..he is masterful at this. He had an allergic reaction to shrimp when he was in high school. In the morn he came down with a balloon face and squinty eyes and I fully expected to be calling in sick for him --nope, Kai came down, fashioned a paper plate to look like a stylin Chinaman's hat and off they went - Caleb looking like he was off to the rice paddies. I will no longer put limitations on this guy! I am well - he is well, we are all where we are supposed to be at this very moment in space and time...I am starting each day blessing what I have - my family: those boys of mine are a National treasure, my health, my wrinkles which are my badges of courage, my home( no matter where it
is)and you on the other end of this key board. Love ya..Mumsie.
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29 comments:
Ah lovie,
As always you find your way!
El
You are absolutely amazing...
Your family had already established such a solid rhythm & understanding, and with all this it is evident that you will become that much more concrete and supportive.. thank you once again for your articulate way of sharing.. much love.
Dearest Sharyn.....Allow me to share this quote from a Master...
Life is a Miracle....
The Zen Master Ling Chi said that the miracle is not to be walking on burning charcoal or in the thin air or on the water:
The miracle is just to walk on earth.
You breath in.
You become aware of the fact that you are alive. You are still alive and you are walking on this beautiful planet…….The greatest of all miracles is to be alive.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
YOu are fine,you and each member of your family will find their way, I am sure.
Mari and I will be with Kim and Philippe in Maine for a bit. Will continue "working" on Caleb and sending you all our Love, thoughts and healing prayers..
Be well,
Melinda and Mari
When you all come home can I still email you everyday?? hahahah
XOXOX,settie
Sharyn, i remember that moment vividly. The second i saw caleb at school i felt embarresed for him but he had no worries what other people would think. And also as you felt, i knew he was the most couragous young man id ever meet. So funny the way your boys all crack fun of eachother all in good ways though. Scars are badass! Love you lots.Grace McFinch
i was swimming at longnook beach back in the early 70's and got caught in a riptide. i remembered what i was taught in junior livesaving class... go with the flow, don't try and fight it!!!
it was sooo scary at first to be sucked away from everything that seemed grounded, but i decided to close my eyes, put my head back, float, and let the current take me.
eventually the tide brought me back in.
Back from NH and glad to see things are going well. You are a strong woman and Caleb has such support from you, the boys, and his dad. Love the picture of your family in CR it is nice to see you all happy and together.
Blessings always. J
I can stop holding my breath now that I've seen your post and trust, as you do, that this is going to work out the way it is supposed to. So infectious this attitude towards life that Caleb seems to have always demonstrated, and that you obviously fostered as his Mom. Once again we are thanking YOU for setting our compasses aright and for reminding us how precious is the life we have, no matter how splintered the course appears. The written word is beautiful, lasting and connects so many. Thank you.
a South Shore Mom
Sharyn,
Your words bring tears to my eyes! Thank you and Caleb for reminding all of us to ride with the waves and enjoy the moment instead of trying to control it. Sharyn if you don't write a book about his journey will you at least email "us" daily!!!!???!!! lots of love to you and all your boys. Margie
Sharyn......I am as always amazed but all your strength...your poetic words.....the calm you put all of us- Not a second goes by when I am not thinking about all of you...and how lucky I am to know you- Rest and take care... give your amazing son a hug for us...and know..we are there with you fighting for sun filled days ..calm nights...and smooth sails..we love you - xox Sassy and the Fam.
ohh...one other thing - you should also be thankful for your kick ass cowboy boots...because they are goooooooD!
dearest mumsie...
i find oddly enough ...that one of the things that most sticks in my mind about your epistles is your comments regarding the wrinkles on your face...
ahhhhhh mumsie dearest...girl...don't ya know what we all are looking at and listening to are your eyes and your heart...no wrinkles there love...
your mail is soooooo beautiful and if you are acquiring wrinkles..rejoice...they express wisdom...feeling...love...lots of it....and human-ness...
life...your mail is full of it...such expansion and contraction...those old rumi bird wings..opening and closing...if it were all open or closed...ehhh!..stuck..
thank you for your straight out right from the heart sharing...
you folks are reaching sooooo many hearts and souls with this journey.
all love surround you..caleb..et al.
many many blessings
elyzabeth stow
Wow
Glad to see everything is ok! I was ready to pull our hole crew from Narragansett RI to help the cause. Today is another perfit day!
RC from
I wonder if at some point you will realize what a teacher you have been to those of us out here who have been praying for you and Caleb.
I had just sent a note to my boy, telling him to make sure that he doesn't quash his spirit, that he must listen to his inner voice. And then I checked in on Caleb's progress via the blog, only to find that you have arrived at a place of peace. I hope you can remain strong and take care of yourself as Caleb continues on his journey.
Mom in CT
yippee!!! tho the road is perhaps long, and the way winding, you will be comin' home before you know. thank you doctors, nurses,support staff, kids,dad and sharyn, for continually holding us and him in your hands like a precious baby bunny (aww..). we are a town FILLED with love today.
i was at the circle this AM and i felt like a tour guide for caleb..so many people were asking "who is this kid anyway?" JEEsus..how the hell do i even START to answer THAT one! instead of just the facts, i tell a little anticdote that just might frame him better to those who don't know.. i think there is a collective town book in the making like a modern ned lombard..'member that sharyn? when i helped him thru his JR paper at nauset? he did it on that little book, because ned was wellfleet, just like caleb is now. i love our collective history,
i love you all, every single person who reads and writes on this thing. peaceout oxoxo lisa
Sharyn...love and hugs. Keep up the trust and confidence and remember to take care of you too...although you seem to be doing well on that account. Be here now and see where the tide brings us is all we can do. amy st.j
Dear Sharyn, the Sage,
Hope you don't mind more words from Rumi:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi 1207-1273, written in 1230
Still holding you in our hearts in Provincetown
Sharyn, Keep smiling and sharing, you are leading the way and seem to me to have always been riding the current and riding like a champion. Love to you and your boys, Ali Andy and Tenaya...Manchester UK
Sharyn,
Just got back from Wellfleet where I spent the morning lending a hand at the giagantic yard sale that Ed, Allison and family put together to benefit Caleb's fund. It was really a hub bub of activity all morning with people dropping off items and purchasing in return. The donations were coming in fast and furious and for each bobble we wrapped and each donation put in the orange box with glitter and frou frou, a special wish for Caleb's recovery was sent his way. We handed out the blog to people so that they can check in on him from their various places on this planet and it was such a wonderful feeling to feel the love for your boy in such a palpable way. It's such great news to hear that he is in a peaceful and restful place now; and it's great to hear that you are receiving some of that peace from him. You are so right, go with, ride it out, it's the only option we have in this life.
Try to catch some air outside today, it is a most magnificant clear blue sky day. It's a September, back to school kind of day. Perhaps it will bring you more memories of Caleb and his school days...
-Audrey
Caleb is the strongest man we've ever known. He has been a hurcules of sorts since childhood and proves his strength throgh these past 6&1/2 weeks. This summer has been a roller-coaster ride of emotions, energy, hope and healing. We are on this ride to the very end, no matter what comes our way. With love and blessings~ Caleb's Maties xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
So glad you are in a better place today....we are all works in progress and your words help me realize how far I have to go!! The photo Sky posted of Costa Rica....what a blast thet trip was, I was reminded of Ryan and I getting lost in the jungle on the ATV coming back from getting antibiotics for all the kids that got that nasty lung infection...getting shit thrown at us by the howler monkeys and most importnatly running scared from the "terrorists" in the Bush!!! A tale to tell for a long time....before you know it Caleb will be back throwing small rocks across a dirt road into a can in some random third world country! love ya', Jodi
Hi Sharyn,
After another busy day here at the inn...I sat down and started flipping through the Cape Cod Life October issue and there is a really nice article about the Wellfleet Oyster Fest. There is also a really great photo of that son of yours shucking oysters. We'll keep it for you in case you don't get a copy. We are thinking of you all daily and with positive thoughts!
Patty and family
Dearest friend....
Frustrating not to be able to post on the blog, but I trust you are getting my emails, too. I am so moved by today's postings. Have been somewhat holding my breath for the past couple, not hearing any news (how addicted we all are now to the blog and your beautiful words!) but also knowing that "all's right with the world" and that Caleb is floating toward the surface where he will pop through one of these moments with a great big AArrr! I miss you here at home as if you didn't know that..... my strength and love joins yours,
Breathe Out,
Anne
Hi Sharyn,
It's Becky R, just wanted to let you know that I saved Pirate T-Shirts for you and Caleb from the run last Sunday, It was the first time I have actually been able to participate in an event, (walked around 3/4 of the course)
Your posts are amazing, thank you for helping us all focus on what is important in life.
XXOOO
Recbeck
It's a long road, but you are walking it every day.
But I know, as a mom, that it's hard to let go, to not want to orchestrate.
we are all where we are supposed to be at this very moment
These are words I need to remember too - you've helped me today.
Sharyn,
We are blessing you and Caleb each day also - thank you for sharing your journey with us. May you both be strong and healthy, happy and peaceful, and free from all suffering. With metta to you and all of your loved ones,
Joan
I am relieved to hear that Caleb is not in pain, and that you are going up, up hill on life's roller coaster.
One step at a time; one day at a time. It's a long journey, but Caleb will get there.
NY mom
I'm right smack in the middle of getting my MBA. I work and go to school from 8:00 to 5:00 on Saturdays. Juggling school and work is mostly a joy but sometimes a struggle. It's an amazing journey that isn't without its fears and complications. The bills are mounting, we could lose the house, the job keeps adding pressures, the homework grows as each semester passes and yet...and yet...it is what it is. Isn't that the truth? Sharyn, I read your blog every day. Every day. You remind me of what life is all about and for that, I am grateful.
Sharyn, you are incredible beyond words. Your sons truly are blessings. Please smile, as you have so many reasons to be happy!
Many prayers for you tonight...
Much love,
Caitlin
your post reminded me of the lullaby:
so close your eyes while mother sings of the wonderful sights that be.
and you shall see those beautiful things as you sail the misty sea.
where the old shoe rocked the fisherman three-winkin',blinkin', and nod.
sweet dreams mumsie
love kolleen
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