Thanks for all the new title suggestions - I think I'll remain just plain ole mumsie - but they did produce a good laugh. What a creative bunch you are! This is day two where we have continued to received good news and progress. Caleb was in his chair today when I arrived and since the Neuro team said I could allow family members to visit -- Kai and Max are again here with me. Caleb was throwing punches at them when they held palms up --this change is radical from where we were even three days ago when Caleb lay motionless and lifeless.
Caleb is scheduled for a ink procedure at oneo'clock to determine why the antibiotics are not reaching to the left frontal lobe of his brain and this, I am in hopes will be our last stumbling block..he can't afford another surgery in a vulnerable place and so we are going to concentrate on just making that area open by sheer willpower.....be with him on this one please!
The professional skateboarding teams: DVS and Element sent Caleb some cool autographed posters and their best wishes. We thank them for contacting us even tho they don't know Caleb( like lots of you who are with us). On the subject of skateboardig -- mumsie is going to give a lecture - don't worry - it will be gentle. For all of you with the best intentions who want to lecture about safety and helmets - forget it! This story is not about helmets--- this story is about being aware of where you are each and every waking moment of your life and being certain you are aligned with who you really are - not being alligned with yourself is what causes accidents- not the lack of helmets - I met a woman at Spaulding who has similar injuries who fell in a shower - are we all to wear helmets in the shower now? As I mentioned earlier, Caleb was in a lot of emotional pain at the time of his accident - the situation surrounding this emotional pain is incidental but what is not is that Caleb was suffering and not putting himself first, as so many of us do. Again, this does not require blame -it is only a gentle reminder to pay attention to our inner thoughts and desires, to make things right with ourselves, and in my case as a parent - to pay close attention to my children and help them when they are suffering, instead of walking the line and standing back as I did. I have learned the hard way that putting yourself first does not have to be in any way selfish. If you learn nothing else from this blog and from me it is this - live your life fully, take chances, be full of yourself..and for Gods' sake pay attention to what makes you happy. Thoughts are all we have - you can change each moment by changing your thought- choose to be happy, choose to be positive, choose to change - do things that make you vibrate in positiveness. The greatest gift Caleb has taught me was that from early on, he intended to be himself. That meant at times I did not like what I was hearing from him, but I could always count on his honesty. I always knew where we stood! Caleb is always just himself and being yourself ensures that you will be consistent, and that engenders trust. Being himself meant that he would jump off of houses, fall purposefully out of trees, tumble down dunes and that he would always do things his way. He would stick up for friends in spite of the fact that he would end up in court...I am not trying to convince you to parent as I do - you get to choose for yourself.- but I am saying that I will not be asking Kai or Max or Caleb to wear a helmet in the future. Caleb is in bed before my eyes and I still say I will embrace diversity. OK..I am finished and will sign off with the most important quote I have ever seen -"Rough it up good- don't let anything dangerous change your mind." Caleb Potter - written 2 weeks after having suffered tramatic brain injuries! Mumsie
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Back in the saddle
Oh my God - it was soooo wonderful to be back in Fleet for those two days - I feel energized and refreshed and so appreciative of where I live! Had dinner out at the Juice, my favorite place, and got to visit with my fat dog and fluffy cat and to see the boys in their element - Oh yea!!! Caleb now has beads up the wazoo thanks to so many of his generous friends--and I can't wait for his designs to spill out - he is very creative and now we have the materials to let him cut loose. Thank you!
- I feel confident that all will go well for Shaye in spite of the outcome on the 28th. I think the police have to take this approach for legal reasons , but I am convinced that they will do the right thing in the end --I am writing another letter to the chief to suggest that Shaye might just get community service and pay that off by helping Caleb with physical therapy. That would be so healing for the both of them. What is up with this chief title anyways! Perhaps we should all come up with titles for ourselves. (Don't even think about suggestions for me)
Carol was so terrific to take my place and mother Caleb while I was gone, it was the only way I was going to be able to leave his side. Nothing like family when life hits rock bottom. As sisters go - we have had our ups and downs but when I need her - she always has my backside. This speaks volumes about her.
So now for the update on Caleb--I came back to the happiest sight of all..Caleb looking at me and connecting for the first time in about 2 weeks. What a miracle all those prayers produced. He is alert and as I spoke to him he would nod his head allowing me to know that he understood everything I was saying. He kisses me again and oh that is heavenly! He is yanking away at his IV lines and is restless and back to looking more like Caleb. The relief in me is palpable!!! The ID dude is downright giggly over Caleb's improvements and I swear I am going to pack him up and move him to Fleet with us. We are out of the toilet and are back in the pool! Weeeeeeeee!
We remain grateful to all of you and hold you tight through this journey. Love, the mumsie. Good to be back on line - I have missed you so!
- I feel confident that all will go well for Shaye in spite of the outcome on the 28th. I think the police have to take this approach for legal reasons , but I am convinced that they will do the right thing in the end --I am writing another letter to the chief to suggest that Shaye might just get community service and pay that off by helping Caleb with physical therapy. That would be so healing for the both of them. What is up with this chief title anyways! Perhaps we should all come up with titles for ourselves. (Don't even think about suggestions for me)
Carol was so terrific to take my place and mother Caleb while I was gone, it was the only way I was going to be able to leave his side. Nothing like family when life hits rock bottom. As sisters go - we have had our ups and downs but when I need her - she always has my backside. This speaks volumes about her.
So now for the update on Caleb--I came back to the happiest sight of all..Caleb looking at me and connecting for the first time in about 2 weeks. What a miracle all those prayers produced. He is alert and as I spoke to him he would nod his head allowing me to know that he understood everything I was saying. He kisses me again and oh that is heavenly! He is yanking away at his IV lines and is restless and back to looking more like Caleb. The relief in me is palpable!!! The ID dude is downright giggly over Caleb's improvements and I swear I am going to pack him up and move him to Fleet with us. We are out of the toilet and are back in the pool! Weeeeeeeee!
We remain grateful to all of you and hold you tight through this journey. Love, the mumsie. Good to be back on line - I have missed you so!
Monday, August 27, 2007
27th ofAugust
I am anxious beyond words to be leaving Caleb - but my flight is out tonight and Carol, my sister, is here to watch guard. Believe me she is part bulldog/pitbull when she needs to be so he is in good hands. Infectious Disease just made the rounds- you learn to love some of these guys. This one, in Calebs' charge is a so into his job and it makes me aware of how in all walks of life we should be doing our very best at whatever our job is - it soooo matters.. be the best you can be, do the very best you can. And tho I spent many a day bitching about my job, now it seems that all I want is that normal routine. We are told that tho Caleb is clinically better - they still find he has enormous amounts of bacteria and so today they hit him with the big guns to give him a jump start. I am ambivalent, but trust this man. They need to watch for kidney damage so he will continue to be closely monitored. In my heart I feel he has turned the corner into health and well being and we move forward from here on out and do not look back. With that said I need some help finding a source of beads - big ones to string on elastic cord. I started helping Caleb to relieve boredom by having him work with beads and I am planning on having him make bracelets to give to the nurses. I am not above trying to influence or bribe! So I know some of you out there have sources - please let me know.
Tomorrow at two is Shayes' hearing..I have picked out my most official jewelry,black dress and high heels, and along with my Channel #5 red lipstick. I plan to dazzle the judge so much that he forgets why we are there! Keep in mind that I am 54 and we could probably still use some of your prayers along with all of this!
Can't hurt! See you all at the circle and I bring all of you who can't be there inside my heart. Love, Mumsie
Tomorrow at two is Shayes' hearing..I have picked out my most official jewelry,black dress and high heels, and along with my Channel #5 red lipstick. I plan to dazzle the judge so much that he forgets why we are there! Keep in mind that I am 54 and we could probably still use some of your prayers along with all of this!
Can't hurt! See you all at the circle and I bring all of you who can't be there inside my heart. Love, Mumsie
Sunday, August 26, 2007
It's a glorious Sunday
I lean over Caleb and kiss him several times on the bridge of the nose - this is something which always comforted all 3 of my boys when they were little. Caleb was a restless little lad and often when I would want him to quiet down I would click my fingernails together next to his ear and tell him he had bugs in there. ( The measures we mothers go to) Then and only then would he lie very still and I could rub my fingers inside his ear, cleaning out the bugs, which always put him to sleep. Funny how at age 25 the tactics still work.
I have been contemplating, as all of you have been, this wonderful connection which has bonded us together - Name the glued that has friends of all ages and strangers alike stuck on this journey with Caleb and with each other? Initially I think that we all might have feared an ending to Caleb and somehow one thought to the contrary, which grew, made us realize it was instead, a beginning. Caleb's story is universal, a tale full of hopes and dreams, a collective germination of willpower in a time of adversity and those of you on the path with us are the cream of the crop - true believers in the human spirit. I have only this to say - thank you for being there .
I will be returning to Fleet this Tuesday to be there with Shaye during his hearing for the accident. I look forward to seeing all of you at the circle. Perhaps you will light a candle if you can't be there.
Caleb remains as he was yesterday - improving and safe. His white blood cells continue to drop. I have seen more scans of brains this week then I care to see in a lifetime. I can honestly say that I will never be able to eat cauliflower again. Love to you all. Mumsie
I have been contemplating, as all of you have been, this wonderful connection which has bonded us together - Name the glued that has friends of all ages and strangers alike stuck on this journey with Caleb and with each other? Initially I think that we all might have feared an ending to Caleb and somehow one thought to the contrary, which grew, made us realize it was instead, a beginning. Caleb's story is universal, a tale full of hopes and dreams, a collective germination of willpower in a time of adversity and those of you on the path with us are the cream of the crop - true believers in the human spirit. I have only this to say - thank you for being there .
I will be returning to Fleet this Tuesday to be there with Shaye during his hearing for the accident. I look forward to seeing all of you at the circle. Perhaps you will light a candle if you can't be there.
Caleb remains as he was yesterday - improving and safe. His white blood cells continue to drop. I have seen more scans of brains this week then I care to see in a lifetime. I can honestly say that I will never be able to eat cauliflower again. Love to you all. Mumsie
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Survive
As I was walking along today on the brick sidewalks of Boston, I was reminded of the strong urge to live;survive, that is in all living things. I spotted a petunia, totally surrounded by hot bricks and mortar which had found it's way through one tiny little crack in order to reach sunlight and rain. It was bragging about it by showing off its' scarlet bloom. I believe I am witness to this miracle each day.
My most favorite Infectious disease dude was in today to let me know that Calebs' white blood count had dropped a dramatic 10 points from yesterday. This is magnificent news for us, coming much sooner than we expected. Caleb is still in danger at all times of contracting yet another infection, especially since he has so many lines running in and out, and that is why we donn the gowns and caps. I try to pass myself off as a surgeon as I walk down the hall. Hasn't worked yet!
So to celebrate this radical drop in numbers, I had a manicure and God if I didn't find myself checking out the veins of the Korean girl sitting across from me - Good for an IV line I found myself thinking.
Caleb still has a mystery collection of fluid in the frontal part of his brain and that will be the next thing which will be addressed - if it is old blood, it will absorb. If not- the unthinkable - surgery again in the same area. I cannot go there and if you wish to put your thoughts and energies into that area it would be good. He rests easily and last night we watched the Simpsons so that we would have some semblance of our real lives. A couple of people have requested an address which I believe goes something like this : Caleb Potter Mass General Hospital 55 Fruit St. Boston, Ma 02114. No need for a room number since we get moved so frequently. It is always nice to receive cards for him. I remain positive and grateful. Ever yours, mumsie
My most favorite Infectious disease dude was in today to let me know that Calebs' white blood count had dropped a dramatic 10 points from yesterday. This is magnificent news for us, coming much sooner than we expected. Caleb is still in danger at all times of contracting yet another infection, especially since he has so many lines running in and out, and that is why we donn the gowns and caps. I try to pass myself off as a surgeon as I walk down the hall. Hasn't worked yet!
So to celebrate this radical drop in numbers, I had a manicure and God if I didn't find myself checking out the veins of the Korean girl sitting across from me - Good for an IV line I found myself thinking.
Caleb still has a mystery collection of fluid in the frontal part of his brain and that will be the next thing which will be addressed - if it is old blood, it will absorb. If not- the unthinkable - surgery again in the same area. I cannot go there and if you wish to put your thoughts and energies into that area it would be good. He rests easily and last night we watched the Simpsons so that we would have some semblance of our real lives. A couple of people have requested an address which I believe goes something like this : Caleb Potter Mass General Hospital 55 Fruit St. Boston, Ma 02114. No need for a room number since we get moved so frequently. It is always nice to receive cards for him. I remain positive and grateful. Ever yours, mumsie
Let the beauty of what you love be what you do. -Rumi
Another Tuesday Event!
FULL MOON OPEN MIC
Tuesday August 28th from 7-9pm
At the Chatham Coffee Company
307 Orleans Road Rte 28
Northport Plaza
508-945-5005
Show up at 6:30 to draw a number
15 Slots available - No Cover - Audience welcome
DONATIONS WILL BE ACCEPTED TO BENEFIT CALEB POTTER AND MATT DILTS-WILLIAMS
Full Moon Open Mics are hosted by David Roth
Tuesday August 28th from 7-9pm
At the Chatham Coffee Company
307 Orleans Road Rte 28
Northport Plaza
508-945-5005
Show up at 6:30 to draw a number
15 Slots available - No Cover - Audience welcome
DONATIONS WILL BE ACCEPTED TO BENEFIT CALEB POTTER AND MATT DILTS-WILLIAMS
Full Moon Open Mics are hosted by David Roth
Friday, August 24, 2007
what will be!
Even the doctors eyes reveal that he does not know how this mystery kid does it! The IV. line went directly into the brain and now those powerful antibiotics are being pumped into the source of infection. What I didn't share with you yesterday was the long list of "what can go wrong" items spewing from the doctors mouth while we are nearly comatose and numb from listening. Did you ever see the Gary Larson cartoon where the dog's master is talking and all the dog hears is bla, bla, bla, Ginger? After awhile we are all hearing blah, blah, blah. It is too frightening what he is telling us and the anguish in my other two sons' eyes is now echoing the Doctors. Yellowbeard does not pay attention. His mind is somewhere else, concentrating on what will be - not what is. After hours of staring into space and blankly at each other the Doctor finally returns to tell us that he has never had that procedure go so well in all the years he has done this. Thank you Yellowbeard for staying with us and for keeping the flame glowing bright even when your own mother falters and flickers on low beam. This bacteria is strong, we are told and very contagous. For the next 3 weeks we will be dressed in gowns, plastic caps and gloves prior to entering the room and I am trying to convince the nurses that accessories are key here!
I want to thank the nurse from the Cape hospital, the children who hang pirate flags, old girlfriends, the women who feel from the heart, the fathers who follow along in silent strength, all of you who keep us going with wishes, hopes and messages of love. I read these aloud to whomever is here - and to the cleaning lady who now does not want to go on vacation because she wants to watch over Caleb. We laugh out loud and fight back tears and dare to dream of better days ahead because of you. I can tell you that when we return I will be looking forward to seeing all of you there along Main St. - smiling,knowing, peaceful faces - ones I recognize and many that I don't yet, joined for the sole purpose of recognizing that our children are our future - our hope. We stand by them all. ... For God's sake - please bring food - this boy will have the appetite of a tape worm! Mumsie is well - we are complete!
I want to thank the nurse from the Cape hospital, the children who hang pirate flags, old girlfriends, the women who feel from the heart, the fathers who follow along in silent strength, all of you who keep us going with wishes, hopes and messages of love. I read these aloud to whomever is here - and to the cleaning lady who now does not want to go on vacation because she wants to watch over Caleb. We laugh out loud and fight back tears and dare to dream of better days ahead because of you. I can tell you that when we return I will be looking forward to seeing all of you there along Main St. - smiling,knowing, peaceful faces - ones I recognize and many that I don't yet, joined for the sole purpose of recognizing that our children are our future - our hope. We stand by them all. ... For God's sake - please bring food - this boy will have the appetite of a tape worm! Mumsie is well - we are complete!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Where we are today
The Neuro team walking in which means we walk out. Kai ever so serious with ashen face, Max always quiet. Richard looking worried. Kai leaves Caleb's side last and gives him a bow with palms together, facing upward. Ethan has weight on his shoulders and my friend Donald holding me up in his thoughts. Jan is at the other end of the line waiting patiently - impatient. Caleb has another lumbar drain and is drained. Neuro will be back soon with white count and then another drain in the back of the head. We hover over him -all of us united in faith and hope . Most of the time we are solemn but then in a Caleb fashion something funny bubbles out to make us laugh- a release badly needed. We are waiting it out - the hours tick by. I feel feverish. Anxious, anxious, anxious. Kai looks across to me , each holding hands joined through Calebs' and he says " I can't wait to get this boy home to Fleet" and I now know and can picture that - we want all of you there as you have been through this journey . Fear is an illusion and we are looking away from the mirror and into the window. I apologize to whomever wrote that Jan seems to loom on the outside of this picture - he is always present for Caleb and is Caleb's pillar of strength. We are a family joined by love. Love, mumsie
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Just around the corner!
In addition to the YELLOWBEARD SCREENING on Friday and the AUCTION on Monday, there are a few more fundraiser announcements to be made:
The raffle of the two trees that the Farm (in Orleans) is holding will END on the 28th of August. So head on over to 40 Rock Harbor Road if you haven't had your chance to get your ticket(s) already. (See the earlier posting for details.)
Also on the 28th there will be a signing of a new book by Wellfleet writer Robert Finch entitled The Iambics of Newfoundland. The event will be on Tuesday at 8 pm and will be held in the meeting room of the Wellfleet Public Library.
Tuesday, August 28, 8 p.m.
Free admission, all proceeds from the sale of books to the Caleb Potter Benefit Fund
“A fantastic read” – The Globe & Mail (Canada’s national newspaper)
“A charming book” – Library Journal
“An exacting, delightful tour” – Publishers Weekly
And last, but seriously not least: That very same Tuesday will be the final Reggae Night of the summer at the Beachcomber in Wellfleet. However this won't be just any reggae night... You guessed it; It's a benefit for Caleb! So get yourself over there, bring all your friends and dance your heart out folks!
(CLICK TO ENLARGE)
Thank you for the ongoing support and attendance everyone! It means so much to have you there when you can be there. Your words, your presence, your love is what makes it all move forward.
And what was that you said Sharyn..? Ah yes..."FORWARD HO!"
The raffle of the two trees that the Farm (in Orleans) is holding will END on the 28th of August. So head on over to 40 Rock Harbor Road if you haven't had your chance to get your ticket(s) already. (See the earlier posting for details.)
Also on the 28th there will be a signing of a new book by Wellfleet writer Robert Finch entitled The Iambics of Newfoundland. The event will be on Tuesday at 8 pm and will be held in the meeting room of the Wellfleet Public Library.
Tuesday, August 28, 8 p.m.
Free admission, all proceeds from the sale of books to the Caleb Potter Benefit Fund
“A fantastic read” – The Globe & Mail (Canada’s national newspaper)
“A charming book” – Library Journal
“An exacting, delightful tour” – Publishers Weekly
And last, but seriously not least: That very same Tuesday will be the final Reggae Night of the summer at the Beachcomber in Wellfleet. However this won't be just any reggae night... You guessed it; It's a benefit for Caleb! So get yourself over there, bring all your friends and dance your heart out folks!
(CLICK TO ENLARGE)
Thank you for the ongoing support and attendance everyone! It means so much to have you there when you can be there. Your words, your presence, your love is what makes it all move forward.
And what was that you said Sharyn..? Ah yes..."FORWARD HO!"
Forward Ho!
Sorry about being off schedule a bit with my updates - I'm not exactly sitting around eating bon bons. So I believe my animal spirit just might be the horse - tho I haven't seen a single one up here I am always thinking about our similarities with the ability to sleep standing up. Here is the latest on Caleb and hopefully this will be the very last time I will be giving you disturbing news - from here on we go forward!!!!!
Caleb has a unique type of bacteria growing in his brain and spinal fluid. Leave it to him to always have to be different! This bugger is called Acinetobacter ; big name. Judging by my experience with big men I feel we will kick ass on this one. Big men are generally scary to encounter, but once you get past that,they are usually teddy bears inside. This acinetobacter, as we are told is "muy difficil" to get rid of and we have only two choices of antibiotics to fight with - the first is what he is presently on - the second can be damaging to the liver and not advisable ( only in extreme situations) I am beginning to feel as tho Kai, Max and I have somehow gotten ourselves into the programming of a Nintendo game and we are participating in a colossal fight for the "Lebster". Kai is the stealthy black clad ninja dude, arms and legs flying at the speed of light, sword as straight as 6 O'clock; intensely focused and Zen like never before. Max is the Southern Billy; bazookas in both hands and 2 more strapped to his massive thighs, ammo wrapped 10 times round his waist and neck..I am stabbing away with my cocktail forks ( a hold-over from the Stepford days) - going for the jugular and arteries of those who dare to get near. Do not fear our friends and followers-we will prevail - we will wear down and ultimately defeat the big bad "Bactor". Do you think maybe I need more sleep? I do! He is saying the course and I will be anxious to report to you in 24 hours of his remarkable recovery. I feel confident! I know that Cedar didn't want to make a big deal of this but I feel it is worthy of mentioning. Caleb was to be Cedars best man in his wedding this October. Cedar called and said they were putting the celebration off till next year because as Cedar put it " I have known Caleb was to be my best man longer than I knew who I was going to marry"! I am so touched by this. I am also proud to say that Caleb admitted a time when he and Cedar were more afraid of the "moms" then they were of the cops. Anne and I spent many a night chasing those two down.... We are fine - holding up in spite of it all and grateful as always for our close friends and our new friends who I promise we will meet at some point down the line. I wish I could address each of you with a personal message because each one is so precious to me. So kids - get out the big guns and join us! Love, mumsie
Caleb has a unique type of bacteria growing in his brain and spinal fluid. Leave it to him to always have to be different! This bugger is called Acinetobacter ; big name. Judging by my experience with big men I feel we will kick ass on this one. Big men are generally scary to encounter, but once you get past that,they are usually teddy bears inside. This acinetobacter, as we are told is "muy difficil" to get rid of and we have only two choices of antibiotics to fight with - the first is what he is presently on - the second can be damaging to the liver and not advisable ( only in extreme situations) I am beginning to feel as tho Kai, Max and I have somehow gotten ourselves into the programming of a Nintendo game and we are participating in a colossal fight for the "Lebster". Kai is the stealthy black clad ninja dude, arms and legs flying at the speed of light, sword as straight as 6 O'clock; intensely focused and Zen like never before. Max is the Southern Billy; bazookas in both hands and 2 more strapped to his massive thighs, ammo wrapped 10 times round his waist and neck..I am stabbing away with my cocktail forks ( a hold-over from the Stepford days) - going for the jugular and arteries of those who dare to get near. Do not fear our friends and followers-we will prevail - we will wear down and ultimately defeat the big bad "Bactor". Do you think maybe I need more sleep? I do! He is saying the course and I will be anxious to report to you in 24 hours of his remarkable recovery. I feel confident! I know that Cedar didn't want to make a big deal of this but I feel it is worthy of mentioning. Caleb was to be Cedars best man in his wedding this October. Cedar called and said they were putting the celebration off till next year because as Cedar put it " I have known Caleb was to be my best man longer than I knew who I was going to marry"! I am so touched by this. I am also proud to say that Caleb admitted a time when he and Cedar were more afraid of the "moms" then they were of the cops. Anne and I spent many a night chasing those two down.... We are fine - holding up in spite of it all and grateful as always for our close friends and our new friends who I promise we will meet at some point down the line. I wish I could address each of you with a personal message because each one is so precious to me. So kids - get out the big guns and join us! Love, mumsie
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Cat
by J. R. R. Tolkien
The fat cat on the mat
may seem to dream
of nice mice that suffice
for him, or cream;
but he free, maybe,
walks in thought
unbowed, proud, where loud
roared and fought
his kin, lean and slim,
or deep in den
in the East feasted on beasts
and tender men.
The giant lion with iron
claw in paw,
and huge ruthless tooth
in gory jaw;
the pard dark-starred,
fleet upon feet,
that oft soft from aloft
leaps upon his meat
where woods loom in gloom --
far now they be,
fierce and free,
and tamed is he;
but fat cat on the mat
kept as a pet
he does not forget.
Cat lives
There is a book titled "Animal Speaks". The premise is that when you repeatedly see the same animal and it speaks to you in some way - you can look up the animal, read about its' spirit - this correlates to you and what is going on with you at the time. Kai, Max and I have long known that Caleb's animal spirit is the fox - cunning, cleaver, a scrapper, a survivor. When it spots it's prey, instead of going at it - it will play, roll over and convince the other animal that it is no threat till it's close enough to go in for the kill. Caleb spots them all the time. I am beginning to think he is also part Tom cat as well.. he has so many lives! We are on the 4th as of last night..he was a breath away from leaving us- temperature steadily rising, burning to the touch, white blood count soaring, doctors looking grim and talking in the corner,gaunt, lifeless, family holding in breath. Once again he pulled together all his cunning to fight death away. Cat life number 4. Today he is stable -back in Neuro IC, temps down to normal and responding to commands. I don't know how and sometimes I don't know why he makes it through. I truly found myself praying for him to make it and then praying he would let go and end his pain.. this is raw! We are hangin in!
Upon reflecting on him all night long, I realize that Caleb makes me want to be not only a better mother but a better person as well. He is honest, where I tend to stretch the truth, he is happy to just be himself..I spent my energy for years on being someone I was not - they fashioned the Stepford wives from my personality. Kai says that Caleb's personality is the same when he is around old people or little children...he is just true to himself, kind to all, and he loves equally. Today I am going to spend my energy trying to right my wrongs and I invite you, in the spirit of Caleb to do the same. The word grudge does not exist in Caleb's vocabulary. Allow yourself to be a bit more like him today and see through his eyes.. life will look more splendid to you I am certain. Caleb is always asking more of us just by demonstrating who he is -
I have found a new place so that I can continue to stay by Caleb's side - yet another person has stepped up and is allowing a means for me to stay in Boston. I am so grateful to Dennis for giving me his place up to this point. He is stellar person - energetic,honest and generous, successful,handsome and smart- gives me faith in men again. He is the kind of guy a girl could easily fall for - but let's face it - I am 54 and I think he is maybe 35 and that is just a little too old for me!
We are well - holding it together and realizing that Caleb opens up all kinds of probabilities and possibilities as we trudge through our day. Life experience with him is never dull or certain..we ride the waves with him. We hit the bottom and it hurts like hell and we worry that our boards are broken forever. We are on top of the swell again and we are expanding and pulsing. There is no place or thought that is off limits to us - we choose life for him and for ourselves! Love, mumsie
Upon reflecting on him all night long, I realize that Caleb makes me want to be not only a better mother but a better person as well. He is honest, where I tend to stretch the truth, he is happy to just be himself..I spent my energy for years on being someone I was not - they fashioned the Stepford wives from my personality. Kai says that Caleb's personality is the same when he is around old people or little children...he is just true to himself, kind to all, and he loves equally. Today I am going to spend my energy trying to right my wrongs and I invite you, in the spirit of Caleb to do the same. The word grudge does not exist in Caleb's vocabulary. Allow yourself to be a bit more like him today and see through his eyes.. life will look more splendid to you I am certain. Caleb is always asking more of us just by demonstrating who he is -
I have found a new place so that I can continue to stay by Caleb's side - yet another person has stepped up and is allowing a means for me to stay in Boston. I am so grateful to Dennis for giving me his place up to this point. He is stellar person - energetic,honest and generous, successful,handsome and smart- gives me faith in men again. He is the kind of guy a girl could easily fall for - but let's face it - I am 54 and I think he is maybe 35 and that is just a little too old for me!
We are well - holding it together and realizing that Caleb opens up all kinds of probabilities and possibilities as we trudge through our day. Life experience with him is never dull or certain..we ride the waves with him. We hit the bottom and it hurts like hell and we worry that our boards are broken forever. We are on top of the swell again and we are expanding and pulsing. There is no place or thought that is off limits to us - we choose life for him and for ourselves! Love, mumsie
Monday, August 20, 2007
Benefit Auction August 27th!
Kick up your heels and head out on the town for the
CALEB POTTER BENEFIT AUCTION
Monday, August 27
at the Chequessett Yacht and Country Club
680 Chequessett Neck Road, Wellfleet
from 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
Silent auction at 6:00 pm, live auction at 8:00 pm, raffles throughout the night. Fine art, a Human Touch Massage Chair, handcrafted furniture, Red Sox collectibles, massages and much much more! All proceeds from the auctions and raffles go to the Caleb Potter Benefit Fund. Cash bar, raw bar, and live music.
To donate items or to lend a helping hand
(VOLUNTEERS ARE NEEDED),
call Morgan at 508.360.8177.
Please pass on the word!
Thank you!
P.S. CHECK OUT THE COMMENTS TO SEE WHAT SORT OF GOODS WILL BE AUCTIONED OFF! WHEWWEEE!
Yellowbeard on the big screen
YELLOWBEARD SHOWING THIS FRIDAY (August 24th)!
Come to the Wellfleet Public Library to watch Caleb's favorite movie, share in the arrrging, the line reciting and the laughter.
The movie will be shown in the Meeting Room at 7pm sharp! Entrance fee is $5 (donation).
Dress up or bring snacks if you like but most importantly bring yourself (and a friend?)
ARRRRRRG!
"The pirate Yellowbeard captured many other galleons, killing over five-hundred men in cold blood. He would tear the captains hearts out and swallow them whole. Often forcing his victims to eat their own lips, he was caught and imprisoned... for tax evasion."
Read about Yellowbeard on Wikipedia Here!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
The sun also rises
Jan and Sarah just left from their standard Sunday visit - the boys and I like Dad's choice.. she is warm, sincere and a genuine friend to him in a way I never was. If she only had a whoopie cushion I could consider her perfect! Caleb is flooded with the light of the sunset as we relax in our 12th floor room with a view of the Charles. He is not as alert as I would have him be but again I am reminded that this is a process and that I don't get to push the magic button to make it all go away. I am touched by all the heartfelt messages which get me through the day and by Kai and Shay's movie which made me remember why I decided to stay in Fleet as a young woman and raise my children there..this is a place to call home! My Caleb was transitioning, emotionally changing and learning to let go and trust himself at the time of his accident- he was in a very suspended state and and in a bit of pain and we had talked on several occasions about his situation..as a mother I always find myself walking that fine line between getting too involved and stepping back- not an easy road to traverse! I regret now not having done more to soothe him and help him through this. One never really knows what the next second can bring -so bring more to your seconds! Tonight I am more centered than I was today, I am trusting myself to remember that everything changes. Sadness turns to happiness, darkness turns to light, hate to love and sickness to health. For just one night I will hold the thought that the sun sets but it also rises or better put - the son sets, but also rises! I love you all dearly, Mumsie
Sunday Matinée
The links for an incredible three-part movie were delivered to my inbox yesterday.
Shaye Cavanaugh and Kai Potter compiled this collection of footage from the last few weeks in Wellfleet. The words and images are for Caleb but I'm sure they will touch your heart just as much as they will his.
**Please be aware that Part Two is RATED ARRRRR (R) for use of profanities and may not be suitable for some of our younger (or older) blog viewers.**
PART ONE:
PART TWO:
CLICK HERE (Rated Arrrrr)
PART THREE:
Enjoy the show!
Shaye Cavanaugh and Kai Potter compiled this collection of footage from the last few weeks in Wellfleet. The words and images are for Caleb but I'm sure they will touch your heart just as much as they will his.
**Please be aware that Part Two is RATED ARRRRR (R) for use of profanities and may not be suitable for some of our younger (or older) blog viewers.**
PART ONE:
PART TWO:
CLICK HERE (Rated Arrrrr)
PART THREE:
Enjoy the show!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Universal Highness
I am peering down at Caleb, new scar exposed from fresh bandage to show and even bigger train track racing across his forehead, and I must say .. he looks so peaceful,self assured - with a sweet little smile planted on his lips. You would think by looking at him that he already knows what this life has in store for him. Today I am letting go and am attempting to stop orchestrating life. An effort at controlling the future is futile. Thank you for your words which helped to put me into proper allignment. Go with the Flo ...I have turned the boat into the current instead of trying to paddle against. I am confident that Caleb is confident- I have been projecting my fears onto him and tho at this time I feel like we are joined at the hip..Caleb still gets to decide for himself. He gets to choose how he will be and what he will be. He is good at finding the best feeling thought he can muster up at whatever point he is on his journey..he is masterful at this. He had an allergic reaction to shrimp when he was in high school. In the morn he came down with a balloon face and squinty eyes and I fully expected to be calling in sick for him --nope, Kai came down, fashioned a paper plate to look like a stylin Chinaman's hat and off they went - Caleb looking like he was off to the rice paddies. I will no longer put limitations on this guy! I am well - he is well, we are all where we are supposed to be at this very moment in space and time...I am starting each day blessing what I have - my family: those boys of mine are a National treasure, my health, my wrinkles which are my badges of courage, my home( no matter where it
is)and you on the other end of this key board. Love ya..Mumsie.
is)and you on the other end of this key board. Love ya..Mumsie.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Rated Arrrrr
Dennis McCoy wanted to let all of you know that a few prints of this photo (you may remember it from the silent auction at Caleb's Wicked Jag) will be available at the South Wellfleet General Store.
The prints will be unframed 8x12 (or thereabouts) format.
A suggested minimum donation of $20 should be put in the Caleb donation container on the counter...honor system.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
believe
Caleb is resting easy - snoring from time to time. His father and I stand on opposite sides of the bed where minutes before, Kai and Max stood; a changing of the guards. From the looks of the most recent CAT scan, Caleb shows no signs of air on the brain which would suggest that the surgery was a success, the leakage sealed off. I rub his head and whisper shhuuuu over and over again; the mothers mantra. I don't know if it comforts him but it comforts me, and here one must do something to kill the time and calm the nerves while watching the big hand move milliseconds. I find that I fade in and out of consciousness with him - one minute he is a young boy of 2 running through the briars (the more direct route)to roust Phillipe at 6 am for a game of basketball in the cul-de-sac. He is getting aquainted with my mother. She tells him "time for nap" he smacks her and she smacks him right back and they become best of friends at that moment. He refers to her as Grandma who swats me. He is saying yets instead of lets and I know I should correct him but I find it way too charming. Then I drift to the Caleb prior to the 4th and he is swinging the front door open as if he were entering a saloon and greeting me with that Hey ma that he always announces with a big grin on his face, while making his way to the fridge and sharing the humorous stories he always has tucked in his tonsils waiting to burst out. I miss him, his brothers miss him, we all miss him. I know he is on his journey which I can only watch from afar. He is calculating his next step, making his way, charting a new course, following stars. I am tightrope walking trying to keep up, poised and ready, yet fearful that I might fall. Caleb is the most fearless warrior I have known and on a spiritual level I know he has chosen this path-it is his finest moment. What I don't know is who he will be when he gets to the other side. I want my old Caleb back but I know in the depths of my heart that Caleb gets to decide and I will love him all the more for it. Goodnight,God Bless,I love you , Mum
Monday Night Music!
There will be an ACOUSTIC CONCERT Monday August 20th from 7:30pm - 9:30pm
Wellfleet Congregational Church
Main Street, Wellfleet
Featuring the talents of Travis and Shook, the Kami Lyle Trio, the Parkington Sisters, the Steve Morgan, Tony Kahn, Peter Tighe Jazz Trio, Julie Wanamaker, Ruth Condon, Tad Price, PJ O’Connell, the Rip It Ups, and more! This event asks for a $10 donation at the door, as well as free will offerings.
All proceeds will go to the Caleb Potter Benefit Fund.
Wellfleet, Sweet Wellfleet
In an article recently published in the Daily Summit out in Colorado, Jeffrey Bergeron wrote "If a town could be judged by its collective kindness, Wellfleet could be designated the compassion capital of the East Coast."
Check out his article "A fallen pirate and a loving town" here
photos by November Sky Freyss-Cole
Check out his article "A fallen pirate and a loving town" here
photos by November Sky Freyss-Cole
SURF MOVIES @ Library tonight
Tonight (Thursday at 9pm) there will be surf movies being shown at the Wellfleet Public Library in the Meeeting Room. Come "Raise a Hoot for Caleb!"
(FREE - On our 9FOOT SCREEN!)
We'll be showing TRIPPIN' IN Costa Rica II and PLENTY of other Surf Footage. Requests welcome. Bring Friends...ESPECIALLY SURFING FRIENDS and BRING Movies: VHS or DVD...especially LOCAL Stuff and LOTS of HOOT!
Reporting back
The Bayside Benefit was an awesome success!! There were 100 people participating in the "Walk, Bike or Ride for Caleb" last weekend. The day was very inspiring, with many locals dressed in Pirate garb who know Caleb very well and others who have never met him but wanted to support the cause. It was one of those picture perfect mornings at Mayo Beach, no humiditiy and a slight breeze.
Becky Rosenberg from the Wellfleet Recreational department would like to thank the following people and busisnesses: Arianna Kimic for having such a great idea to have a sports or physical type benefit for Caleb, Hatches Produce for donating fruit to refresh the runners after the event!, The Wellfleet Police Department for keeping everyone safe, the Recreation Staff members who showed up at 7:00 to help her organize the event and all of the spirited participants that made the morning so special.
Check out the images below: (thanks Becky!)
Becky Rosenberg from the Wellfleet Recreational department would like to thank the following people and busisnesses: Arianna Kimic for having such a great idea to have a sports or physical type benefit for Caleb, Hatches Produce for donating fruit to refresh the runners after the event!, The Wellfleet Police Department for keeping everyone safe, the Recreation Staff members who showed up at 7:00 to help her organize the event and all of the spirited participants that made the morning so special.
Check out the images below: (thanks Becky!)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
comin through the fog
Kai and Max are standing guard at either end of Caleb, very proudfully watching over him. He has come through this storm. He was out of surgery at 5:00 -- the plastics team decided he had had enough and will address any cosmetic issue in the future after he has surfaced and determines that he needs it. The ENT team finished plugging holes around 12:30 and Neuro went on till 5- 5:30. He is in ICU and resting peacefully, coming in and out of a dream state; waking always to those faces he loves most. He looks angelic and not so badly worked over. Even in this reduced state, Caleb looks mighty to me! He has a fierce determination which will not be denied! I am exhausted and jubilant right now all balled into one ...and want to sign off with a hallelujah to all of you for standing by us today and always. It is beyond my wildest dream - a mother of 3 boys, locked in love - 3 heartbeats united tonight as tho they are one. I love you all - thank you and goodnight. Mum
surgery
Dear Ones, Caleb's surgery is now moved up to 7:45 this am. and I am grateful - the waiting is only adding to the all too many lines on my face. Richard just gave the Doc's the last words before he goes " Caleb is my shot at immortality - take good care of him." Richard has been Caleb's friend, father figure and mentor for a good many years now and they are soul mates - they even look alike! I am eternally greatfull to Richard for always being there for my son. The surgeons have told us that this will be a very long and complicated surgery which will require hours and hours of work - so probably we are looking at around midnight to wrap things up - I will let you all know ( my friends and now my extended family) as soon as I can. Look for tomorrow's happy news on this blog. I spent the night curled up next to the Leb in his bed with him patting my head on and off all night. I dozed off and woke to him making a smooching sound with his lips..we kissed and I sent him off with a passion of good wishes......and my heart tucked in his sleeve!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
yellowbeard is back
I am watching this mornings sun rise over the ivy clad rooftops of Beantown and we are once again flying high on that roller coaster called life..The vomiting subsided, the heart rate normal , the mighty Pirate has pulled through again. This is such an interesting journey - I feel at times as I did when my children were little - when will I ever sleep again? - did I brush my teeth today? Will I ever get a shower in? But such an exhilorating journey - full of compassion, heartbreak and hope. I am here to remind you that life does not get any better than this - would you have it any other way? I know people who sleepwalk through their lives -no ups;no downs- just leveled out boring I'd say! I will take this ride any day - when you feel low it can be very very low, but mornings like this when all feels right with the world again and your son lies peacefully sleeping...I'll buy a round of tickets and keep riding! Prior to Caleb's accident, I had just been talking to a dear friend about how stable my life felt at this point in time, how relatively easy things were going.. so be mindful that at any twist or turn in the road shit can happen and does! Be full of yourselves today - live fully! I had seriously thought that when I went through my separation that I had fulfilled my quota of hard times. I am trying to stress the fact that the universe has a way of cleaning up messy situations in life and pressing you to heal..I had some messy parts that I ignored hoping they would go away, but life just got messier and now I see that all the players that I need to reconcile with have come together on this one. So life is not always clean and tidy - it does get messy. Find yourself in that same spot? -go right at things - be courageous! Caleb's stability means that he will go first thing tomorrow for surgery that I am convinced will be the turning point for him in his recovery. His strength will have to be brought up to par - but that will be a piece of cake for this strapping young man. Kai and Max and I will be holding down the fort at this end and we will most certainly know that all of you are behind us..We are sailing out to calmer seas! I know that you will all be there for Caleb throughout the day - 1 pm. is his scheduled surgery - go to the beach,make a toast to the heavens and we will be seeing you on those very same shores! Love to you all, mumsie
Monday, August 13, 2007
Monday morn
Well- not a wink of sleep for Caleb or I all of last night- his body suddenly decided to not hold meds any longer and he has had for 12 hours now the most violent projectile vomiting which coming through a tube is no picnic! Whoops - had to run once again- he is getting weak and despondent with all of this. I feel like my nerves have fused to an electric current! I will not stay on long now - I can't- but I will take the time to say thank you once again for being there for us - and all the responses about housing will be looked into as soon as I can. A special thanks to those little urchins; Madeline,Abby and Kassidy - I can't wait to meet you - and all of you out there who we don't yet know. A continued thanks to my close friends for watching vigilantly over us - must go Love, mumsie In spite all of this , Wed. surgery is still a go! Pray for him please! Don't worry about me -through all of this Caleb insists on rubbing my head after each bout - so I am well taken care of.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Like Mother, Like Son
Got stuff?
The Kochen/McPartland family will be hosting a Communal Yard Sale Fundraiser for the Caleb Potter Benefit Fund
THIS SATURDAY August 18th
(rain date will be August 19th)
WHERE: 33 Cross Street (near the Wellfleet Public Library)
WHEN: from 10am - 3pm
Please show up and buy some goodies or drop of something to sell!
(If dropping off, please do so sometime before 9am on Saturday)
Feel free to contribute ANYTHING, including baked goods, art, and of course your mother's old shoes.
If you have questions, contact Allison at 349-1245.
Wicked Jag Photos
Thanks to Nate Johnson for these great photos of the highly successful CALEB'S WICKED JAG (August 1st)
Pheobe and Kendra work the door
Eric prepping the food
India and Amy get ready for the hungry crowds
Nicole and Corey: ARRRRRGGGH!
Caleb info on the mantel
The beautiful work of the Wellfleet Candy Company
Ladies enjoying the food before the dance party began
Salad anyone?
JTrees spins the tunes
Ella Mae dances up a storm
Checking out the auction goodies
Yellowbeard belt by Amy Ramsdell
Skateboard deck by Andy Jacobs
One night, many winners
Hanging out back
Brandon chows on some Flying Fish Pizza
Kai devours a chocolate pirate
Pheobe and Kendra work the door
Eric prepping the food
India and Amy get ready for the hungry crowds
Nicole and Corey: ARRRRRGGGH!
Caleb info on the mantel
The beautiful work of the Wellfleet Candy Company
Ladies enjoying the food before the dance party began
Salad anyone?
JTrees spins the tunes
Ella Mae dances up a storm
Checking out the auction goodies
Yellowbeard belt by Amy Ramsdell
Skateboard deck by Andy Jacobs
One night, many winners
Hanging out back
Brandon chows on some Flying Fish Pizza
Kai devours a chocolate pirate
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