For anyone with current information about Barbara Jordon - please e-mail me. Barb was part of the famous women's crew who worked at the Lighthouse Restaurant for years and has made a giant impression on me. I think everyone worked at the Lighthouse for Joe, Bobbie and Laura at one time or another but Barb is the one who stood out for me. Always "bustin" your chops and giving you the Barb grin the whole time. She is such a big part of Fleet. We are all praying for Barbara's family and Barb, you are in my thoughts for the day - all day. Please someone- update me.
So I admit it - I was walking to Spaulding this morning with a drizzle of rain on my head and a downpour in my heart and I was feeling really sorry for myself. I was having one of those one way dialogues which went something like this --" Caleb is getting stronger physically but he is showing increased signs of stress in the brain - seeing things, talking nonsense . Is he going to be a strong giant lump with no brain? What is going to happen to my family? Kai (a 3.9 grade average student) is seriously contemplating dropping out of school to be with Caleb. Max holds everything in and has such weight on his shoulders and already wrestles with his own demons - how will he fare with this ( and I'm not even there to walk him through this) . Jan and I are divorced for a reason and tensions are building - how will we traverse these choppy waters?
All of these questions pouring, pouring through my already saturated head.
To convince myself that all was well, I started grilling Caleb on words. He has difficulty projecting so we were practicing being loud! Water bottle I said. He followed with some jumbled word which brought me down even more. Then he looked at me and said it louder " agua bottle - that's Spanish for water - you know that!" There is a God in heaven!
The longevity of this is indeed getting to me and the fears which rise up and question me at all hours of the night cannot be answered yet ...and still I am hopeful. I believe in the power of love and I believe in Caleb.
I had to laugh out loud while reading the blog comment about the negativity coming from the Town Hall. ( which I feel will just dissipate if ignored). I am reminded of a story Jan loves to tell about his great uncles - another team of three Potter brothers- who got pissed off and burned down the Town Hall in Maine....Please don't let History repeat itself!
Caleb and I are loving out loud from Spaulding to you - wherever you be! Mumsie.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
37 comments:
O Sharyn, You made me laugh. New Town Hall anyone? Don't make those Potter boys mad, remember what happened in Maine! Caleb is speaking Spanglish? At least it's not Creole you would never figure it out. I think a little confusion is to be expected, sounds like a bump in the road to me. Much love, Lily's Mom
we all believe, sharyn, and that is what will carry us through. love is the strongest power i know and there is an endless supply being sent to you. love love love rb
Potters causing mischief?....NO, Really??? Hahaha, yeah that sound like a Potter story. :) And, I DO agree that we just need to ignore the negativity that is seeping out of Town Hall. It's nonsense!
Please, don't get down on yourself, Sharyn. That will cause you nothing but more sadness. When our Daughter passed last year, we were SOOOO upset that it caused both Chris and I stomach issues, and you being sick is that LAST thing that your Family needs. Stay strong, and I have NO DOUBT in my mind that you will overcome all of this....
Caleb WILL be A-O.K.!!!
Kai is BRILLIANT and will stay in school. And, if he doesn't, he will find his way back eventually.
And Max is a stong little bugger...Don't worry about him. I have "total faith" in that one.
Stay strong, breath, and just take it all in for now. ALL WILL GET BETTER!!!
~Nicole Miner
My sister in law had a severe brain injury from falling out of a moving vehicle. It did take time, confusion will set in, some obstacles are tougher than others, but the brain, love & the human spirit are an amazing trio. She is well, and living life to the fullest. With all Caleb has going for him, including the power of prayer... I think brighter days are ahead.
Barbara Jordan?? What happened?? Is there another blog that needs me??
Hey Sharyn, I'm afraid that Barbara didn't make it. She was in all of our thoughts and prayers but her injuries were too severe.She lived life to the fullist and took many chances. Barbara loved adventure and excitment, and on many occaision, I was along for the ride!! We will truely miss her. I say this with a heavy heart and a face full of tears. WE LOVE YOU BARB !!!!
Hi Sharyn. Please keep in mind that what you are doing is completely selfless. There surely are many mothers out there who would not stop working and vacate the comfort of their home for as long as it takes for their child to heal. I would imagine they may visit...but still. Of course you will have these days where you are down and out. The fact of the matter is that you are doing what ALL mothers should do, and that is say "---- it" to ALL else and take care of their family. It is the difference between selfish and selfless. This shows nothing but what is first and foremost to you and if all mothers were like this, the world would be a better place. I will agree, feeling sorry for yourself does not feel good at all, but it is simply a way of output for all of the emotions that you feel every day since this all went down, the whirlwind. Keep faith in knowing that the reason we worry about the future is we see it as MUCH less resolved than it in fact will be. That feeling of not knowing and anticipation is nerve wracking and scary. Stay strong and keep on believing that the battle will be conquered in the best way you guys can fight it. After every dark night there is a brighter day.It is the way of the world.Your family will make it through.Don't fret! You have all the essential ingredients for success. Love you and am always thinking of you!!!
Corey
Hey Ms. Lyndsy!!
It is always good to be honest about your feelings, as it helps to move on, & always benefits the soul. I think that Caleb translating water to agua is a good sign, while it is pretty much universally know, it should still be acknowledged that his brain is staying active, and creative. "Good, good" as you would say!! Love you much!
Caleb I love you much brother.. I am doing Friday Night Jigs in your honor, heavily anticipating the day you will too join us all in squeels of laughter!
To all the well wishers, have a great weekend, and to the people in Fleet be well, & have a freekin' blast at The Oyster Fest.. jag it up, and rock out! Oh & get well Barbara!!
Love you all..Xo. Clance
Hi Sharyn
Don't be concerned about little odd things like "agua". My weird visions turned out to be changed by a minor prescription alteration. I'm sure those wonder worker 'docs' at MGH can figure it out.
We know each other slightly - you're young enough to be my daughter.
Tell Kevin for me - "Enough-already-- we know that you own a liquor store"
Sharyn, so sorry about Barbara - those kinds of losses always make whatever else we're going through that much harder.
Corey's words were absolutely brilliant - she said it all.
Sharyn,
I'm off to spend the weekend with my little chickens (who are not so little anymore!) and we will all be loving you and ALL of yours out loud, too. Your internal dialogue seems completely normal and justifiable from out here...please don't beat yourself up for having doubts and feeling low. You are beautifully human and stumbling along the path on occasion is an inevitable part of that. We're all ridiculously fragile and steely at the same time. Your love for your boys is radiating out into the world in fabulous ripples and will assuredly come back to you in triplicate....
and just so YOU know -
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)
from e.e. cummings and me,
Susan
I've been out of touch for a while. What happened to Barbara???
An ex Fleetian who used to hang with Barbara.... What happened???
Today's fifth comment says she didn't make it but had a full adventure filled life but it is anonymous so...
Motorcycle accident
I come to you to share as a Mom-a woman with Wellfeet connections-but more importantly the mother of a boy that triumphed over two separate accidents that left him on the fringe of life. Fast forward to today-five years past and my son thriving-yet the emotions of anguish and joy can be recalled in each of your words as if we're sharing our stories face to face. We are never stronger as mothers than when our cubs are threatened. We tap into a part of our souls that we had experienced only glimpses of. The survival instinct sets in and we're off! Trust in your incredible instincts-surround yourself with the wonderful family-friends-and community that love you and Caleb-as you are. The lows bring highs-the highs bring lows. Lean on the people around you and don't be afraid to suck every little bit of strength from all- and use it however you need to! I hope you don't feel I've been preaching to the choir! Just know that you're not alone in this experience. You're an inspiration to us all. Hang on-that day is coming when you'll bring that sweet boy of yours home to Wellfleet. Here's to Caleb! Sending love and support, Kay
Hello Sharyn
I am a part-time Wellfleet resident and
I have been following this blog all summer. Today I felt compelled to post a reply in response to your fears about Caleb's intellectual future. Please know that I am not preaching here, but merely commiserating. I know it sounds like a platitude, but you can't worry about what might have been, even though you can't help thinking about it. I have a son with brain damage and I found it was never profitable to ponder how he might have played baseball or how he might have been thrilled to get his drivers license or any of the other typical milestones in a boy's life. You have clearly got the determination to keep on keeping on, and you will just continue to do so. Your attitude throughout this trauma has been inspirational. To suddenly become the pillar in such a devastating situation must be overwhelming, but you have handled it with grace and humor.
Maggie
Barbara and Michael were in a bad motrocycle accident, she had severe head injuries- it is sad and horrible because he has lost his soulmate and being charged for the accident - keep her family and him in your thoughts-
the accident happened in NH, wet roads, leaves, lost control of the bike, sad sad sad
My prayers go out to Barbara and Michael. God be with them both. Send your light and love to Michael. Wrap your strong arms around Barbara. Send compassionate loving people to Michael's side. Let him feel that he is not alone. Namaste
Lesa
hi sharyn,
the brain is such a complicated and wonderous thing all at the same time. it has motors, rotors, places for memories, things we want to forget, and things we will always remember.. Caleb speaking spanish is a great thing!!
I will tell you (hopefully) a short story.
my pepere'(grandfather) was diagnosed with alzheimers many years back, i am not comparing a brain illness to a brain injury, but it all effects the same..
after many years of home care we made the heart wrenching choice of a nursing home..
my pepere' hadn't spoken for months, but one day visting at the nursing home , we talked to the "powers that be" into letting us bring our dog in. pepere' was always smitten with her..
as soon as he saw her, he just started this whole conversation in fluent french!!!!
i laughed and cried and smiled.
i realized then, that we all just need a little trigger sometimes to express words and memory..
happy to hear that caleb is yelling AGUA"""""
as always, sending you peace, thoughts and love
Hi Sharyn,
Caleb has come soooo far. We continue to think of Caleb, you and all of your family. You have certainly had your ups and downs. But like you said in an earlier blogs. Humor WIll get you through!!! We look forward to seeing you all back in Fleet soon.
The Young Family
Ok, in honor of Barbara, as I always knew her. She was a straight shooter - Barbara NEVER sugar coated ANYTHING. She was REAL, and that's one of the reasons we loved her. I am so sad to have lost her. BUT, she lived hard, she died hard. Yes, wet roads, wet leaves but left out of the story here, was alcohol and no helmets. I also know that she had a heart of gold, and if she could prevent this happening to someone else - she would. So, as Barbara would - tell it like it is. She wouldnt have it any other way.
Your right about that.
Hello my sharyn...I had a dream about you last night and a bunch of us were at your house, and it was messy and we were partying and you were laughing at us and trying to get us to help you too clean up at the same time.....I gave you the biggest hug ever and we both ended up in tears after the hug...then I woke up. Max was there, but not caleb or kai...but they were someplace nearby. I want you to know that you have the strength within you to get through this. If ever there was anything I was more sure of, it is that. I don't tend to find wimpy roll models lady. As for caleb...he has made it this far and all we can do is wait and see. I too have so many fears...some of them so selfish that I try not to even recognize them....will I ever have my friend back the way he once was? That is the first time I have written that one down. I hold such hope in my heart for all of you. As always, I'm thinking of you today and everyday. love, amystj
First of all, Sharyn, you need to just let go.....you have no control over what everyone will do in reaction to Caleb's situation. His brain cannot be hurried, no matter how frustrating it must be for you. Your other sons will find the right path for themselves. You can't do that for them. And your relationship with Jan is forever, on one level, because you are the parents. You'll both find a way to deal with each other and deal together for Caleb's sake, because that's more important than the petty things that might annoy you both about each other. You've been on such a long road, and now that the crisis part appears to be over, the road is longer, narrower, more frightening, but you will let go and let it all unfold......
Dear Sharyn,
The night the Wellfleet Town Hall burned down, I was wearing my favorite coat that my mother had sewn. It was wool with a racoon collar. Well, as we stood in front of the stores with the whole town, a piece of paper from all the books in the library must have stuck on my coat and the next thing I knew my collar, coat and hair was burning up! Funny how memories get triggered. I send my love to you all. LOL Susie
Wellfleet 10
My comment was addressed only to India for purpose of humor only. I realize many read this and my only agenda is to support the Potter/Lindsay family here...Sorry if I offended you...
Kevin
dear Sharyn, I think it would be good for you and Caleb to come home for the week-end. Just relax at home and go back up late monday morning. You could drive down Saturday and see the foliage on rt 3.
Interesting idea.
to Kevin-
I don't know how, or even if you did, offend someone, but personally I love your posts. They make me laugh everytime.
Cortney
Sharyn,
Those fall rains can certainly dampen the spirit when it already feeling burdened. It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself for a while. You have every right to, every right to be pissed at what has been going down. It’s ok!!
As one parent to another I can only say that Kai and Max will find their ways.
You've helped them develop a core sense of self and family and friends. Like Caleb and you they are struggling to find where they fit into this event that has changed you all. It’s a process only they can accomplish and I know they have the support of so many people.
For Caleb’s recovery, it really hasn’t been such a long time for such a serious injury. It wasn’t all that long ago that he was struggling for his life. On the outside he probably looks more recovered than he is on the inside. The stress you are seeing is also part of the healing process and the brain recovers as it heals. The physical trauma, the residual swelling has to subside. I personally know this and have seen remarkable recovery once this has occurred. That trauma can also make people see things and talk nonsense. Those neurons are rerouting them selves and sometimes hit a traffic jam. I know that we can all say these things and to have patience when we are in the cheap seats, but there is some truth to it.
I am also confident that you and Jan will traverse these rough waters.
While this damp cooler weather is upon us, bask in the warmth of the ‘fleet community that seems as much like family as well as this community that has found you. You are not alone, Caleb is not alone, nor is Kai and Max.
Take a breath and let some energy flow to you. So much has been flowing from you that you need to give space for it to flow in.
My thought and prayers and healing light continues to be sent your way, compounded by the good thoughts of all those who visit this blog or just carry you in their thoughts throughout the day.
I send you thoughts of peace, of calm or healing for your weary soul.
Hi Sharyn-
Ok, first I gotta say, that boy of yours is so friggin funny, you both had me laughing out loud...what a great feeling to be laughing instead of holding my breath or shedding a tear for you all.
Secondly, let it all out my dear, the fear, the frustrations, the anger, the uncertainty...I suspect you are experiencing a bit of post traumatic stress and the best medicine for that is to keep talking, keep telling your story, keep telling us when it gets overwhelming, we are here to catch you when you fall...and the beauty of it, is that we can all join in on the "pity party for one" (as I like to call them when I am low), and make it a great bash.
A little story for you- early in June I was dealing with a pretty stressful issue in my life, and knew I had to make a change, had to make some decisions, or else I was going to loose my mind. Well, while in P-Town for a Sat. afternoon with a very dear childhood friend, who listened to me complain all morning about my situation, we entered a card shop and this card practically jumped off the wire twirly rack it was on and it said:
"LEAP and the net will appear", I took it as a sign and my decision was made...I let go of the fear...
Let us be your net...
Audrey
COURTNEY'S QUEST
I will cherish each moment of my life.
I will value this gift bestowed upon me.
In this world I will overcome what barriers there may be,
which hinder my quest for growth and self-improvement.
I will take life one day at a time, one step at a time.
I walk with renewed faith.
I believe there is hope.
In every change that I experience in life,
there will be times when I wonder if I can endure.
But I learn that by facing each difficulty one by one.
It's when I don't deal with a situation,
that it sometimes comes back to confront me again.
Changes are sometimes very painful,
but they teach us that we can endure and that we can become stronger.
-Mike, CNA, M4 ICU, 9/29/07
I found this poem on the blog "supportforcourtney".com Someone had mentioned about her situation on your blogger...she was a young girl who went into cardiac arrest in Sept. and is now at Spalding...if you go to her webpage you can find much info...anyways one of her nurse assistance wrote this poem...I imagine the people who work in the hospital taking care of people like Caleb and this young girl Courtney are in some way guardian angels who were put on this earth to provide unconditional healing for those that need it...just like your wonderful community of Wellfleet and all of us strangers have rallied to send unconditional healing to your family...Sharyn I will say this again as I do everytime I comment...it seems your words are so profound and have so much feeling at times, it prompts me to reach out to you having never met you I can still say from reading your words and the words of all your family and friends that you are an awesome unselfish human being who loves her children unconditionally and are so fortunate to have such a wonderful honest relationship with them...Caleb's story is a true miracle and even on those dark dreary days, take solace in the huge steps and distance he has come since July, rejoice in the fact he can talk to you and still has his ability to feel emotion etc. I do not think a person can go through something so traumatic and not come out of it completely different....that includes the patient and the loved ones surrounding the patient. I believe in 1 step forward 2 steps back and just like a baby learning to walk, the rest will come into place...Days of saddness are to be expected as are days of what could have been, but you can only go forward and think of all the days that will be!! May the stars shine down on you tonight and always, may you find peace that you never new you had because you had the courage to face a huge tragedy head on and because of YOU...Caleb will come home to Wellfleet someday soon. Godbless
A thankful mom in MD
Oh, Sharyn--I have absolutely no way to comprehend how hard this is for you and yours. I wish I could say something profound and pithy and perfect, but I don't know what to write.
I want to tell you how much admiration and respect I have for you. You and your beautiful boys are brilliance and strength and power personified. Please never feel alone, and trust those who love you enough to let them hold you up when you are tired.
There's a quote I love--
"When you can't run anymore, you crawl, and when you can't do that, you find someone to carry you."
love,
Mia
Kevin,
I think someone was just teasing you to be funny...funny like you!
Keep the humor coming! (please)
So many trials and tribulations over such a [relatively] short period of time are bound to to leave you questioning. It is inevitable that these what if's will surface in the dead of night when we wake up alone and all of our defenses are stripped away. Dreary days can bring dreary thoughts to the strongest soul as well. The stress of this situation is bound to be depressing to even as lively a spirit as yours... Allow yourself to feel it all ; it is all part of the whole. Wondering about the future is not a fruitless occupation, it helps us plan and prepare for any and all eventualities. Caleb's brain is rewiring itself; there will be glitches along with the progress he is making. He is young and strong, and still himself. His is a long road left to travel, bumps and all. He is fortunate to have you riding alongside, both of you growing in strength with every mile.
You wouldn't be human if you did not worry.
As always, with hope,
peg from PA
Dear Sharyn and all,
The ship is trying to "right" itself after doing a "360." All will be well in time. I feel that in my heart and soul. You've come a long way,baby!
Love and big hugs,
Penny on St. John
Your wonderful boys will hold your family together, don't worry...
Post a Comment