Sitting on a floating dock at the Pargo Rojo in Bocus del Toro, Panama , surrounded by balmy waters and loitered laughter with my Frozen Daquiri in hand -my companions were two handsome young surfers in their 20's who found me amusing. The owner was an Israli who had had his tongue cut out ( I never asked) and a piece of his thigh sewn back in so that he could amuse us in return - which he did. He was peevish, but took a liking to us so dinner was otherworldly... I can remeber thinking this was as good as it gets - an ahhhh moment in time . ...an ahhhhhh moment in time.
There are always two sides to a stick and now I am in a Ohhhh moment in time...but are they not one in the same?
The ahhhh moments are to be savored and enjoyed for what they are..just like the company and dinner. A space in time to cherish, a space in time to replenish.....
But it is in the ohhhh moments that I find I learn the most . I am trying to learn to cherish these moments too. I am a seeker as I know all of us are.....we love; we are dissapointed, we laugh; but feel empty inside,
We are proud, but we feel we don't deserve....we are fearful and whistle into the dark to soothe ourselves.
Yet all of my questioning dissipates when I realize that Caleb was only 6 months ago, a thinking, functuning human being who was the life of the party -and the heartbeat at our dinner table. When I expected company I called Caleb in hopes that he would be free- he made impressions by making people laugh- he made impressions by being himself- an authentically humble human who always saw the light in others.
The ohhhhhh moments- I am not asking for more of them--Caleb is healing in his own time and in his own way and we are grateful,,,,,,,- but I am asking that I can see through them to the other side ..I am asking that I can cherish these moments too; knowing and trusting that we as a family will move through this to a better time and a better place and that we will feel replenished in the aftermath. No matter where we land- we cherish!
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2 comments:
Ahhhhhh....
Like the song by Rod McKuen,
We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun.....
I have a copy of that poem in one of his books. I'll try to find it.
There's a message there. Be well. Healing can be so painful. Hugs - surprises coming soon. Natale
The better time and place are right around the corner ......You will get there, with Caleb showing the way. Time is the thing...we never have enough of; it is fleeting and can leave us standing still if we lose track, and yet we look ahead in anticipation, wishing it away without realizing what moments we are missing in the meantime.....and over time our perceptions of moments in time can shift...ohhhs can turn to ahhhs.... it just takes time......
Wishing you well, and still lighting Caleb's candle,
As always, with hope,
peg from PA
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