On the fourth of July, 2007 Caleb Potter was involved in a skateboarding accident.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.

Monday, February 25, 2008

WOW

I am humbled by all of your comments-I was never seriously wanting for anyone to feel guilty about not writing in.
I realize, rather than telling, I should have asked if we should discontinue this blog--after all it belongs to you now just as well.
I am going through a really rough spell...all those tears I could not release from July 4th till now are draining through. I literally cannot stop crying. Kai, that wonderful, sweet Kai will blog for awhile to let you know of Caleb's continued progress, and I am assuming Jenny will as well. Max, as you remember, is the strong and silent type.
I will be back as soon as I can hold it together. I need this!
Thank you Beth for the reminder that things can always get worse, as they did for your family. I once remember saying that as well- and that is how I have come to know that I need to just breath deeply again and trust...I have lost perspective.


And to all the rest of you who wrote in..you are @%&*****+++%%%$$$$$$$###### ing amazing.
And to the rest of you who chose not to write in-- the same applies!

Thanky you all for being there. mumsie
PS. to Blackbird- I hope we have that talk.

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sharyn....As always when I get up I open up the blog. I was so happy to see that you had written. I feel deeply for you and hope and pray that the tears you are shedding will help you to heal. You have been such a rock through all of this it was only a matter of time before it took its toll on you. I look forward to Kai's and Jenny's blogs and I am sure soon Caleb will be writing his own.

Peggy from Western MA

Anonymous said...

Sharyn, I am so relieved to hear your voice. You sounded so down and alone in that last blog post, and I am so glad you heard us calling out to you that you are NOT alone. You do, however, deserve your time to heal, and you know we respect and want that for you. So please do take care of yourself---find someone and some way to build your strength and to vent all your rightfully deserved anger and grief so that you can feel better. It sounds like the reality of the long haul as hit you like a bomb---that there will be no miracle cure, despite all our prayers and thoughts---that this is the life that will be.

When my cousin's father was diagnosed with cancer a few years back, we asked him how he was coping with his father's decline. He said, "You just have to accept that the old reality is gone and learn to live with the new reality." We keep those words with us now with every sad change in our lives. This is the new reality. It is still life, it still has its good moments, but it will never again be the old reality.

I truly ache for you. I hope you feel us all out here, aching for you.

Amy from western MA

Anonymous said...

I want to remind you that reinforcements are coming your way soon. Haley and others who love your boys will be arriving with the warmer weather and all will be eager to do what they can to help.
Suzanne

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,

Yesterday you said it was your last post! Now today you’re writing again! Okay, cut the crap! No more lies!

Everyone will lose their typing skills if this blog ends... Blogger will go out of business! I think I need a new mouse from all the scrolling it took to read all yesterday's comments. Plus I won't be able to publicly tease you anymore... Now that's real important!

Take care of yourself... We all care very much about you!


Kevin

Anonymous said...

Sharyn-We were visiting Wellfleet on our annual trip last year when we learned about Caleb Potter. Through this past year I have logged on to this blog every few days to check in on Caleb and on all of you. Though we've never met, I feel like I have come to know many of you in some way. I have prayed for all of you, been joyous at the triumphs and worried with you through the tough times. Being a private person myself, I have not chosen to write until now. I just wanted you to know that I have come to depend on the blog to let me know how you all are doing. You have been a solid rock thoughout and I think your tears are overall a necessary part of the process. Please know that whether we write or not there are so many of us that care. When we return to Wellfleet this summer I will feel more of a connection to this town I love so much than I ever have before. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers. Bless you, Lori

becky said...

"Wow" is right. I have not responded to the last few of your blogs out of almost a sense of "guilt" on my part. I have felt "humbled" by a lot of your words, but inspired beyond your wildest imagination. I have three sons and am divorced. It mirrors how you described your relationship with Jan and yet is totally different. My x-husband hates me and instead of leaving me to raise my children - he has spent the last few years trying to alienate my children from me. It has been a really hard road for me and to keep as much "peace" as possible I have allowed him to do so. While I have followed your story I would cry tears of pain and joy for your family and for mine. I would sit and wonder just how my family would weather the storm similar to yours. It made me mad at my x-husband and even madder at me that I hadn''t stood up for myself and more so for my boys. With your inspiration I have FINALLY started taking the steps to have my parental rights restored to me. I have custody, court ordered child support etc etc and have since the day of our divorce, but he has picked an chosen over the years what he want to do. He is a VERY angry person and a not so nice person as well and the legal battle is going to be very unpretty, but I do believe I have to make things "right" and help restore "normalacy" in my relationship with my children before they are on their own. It is so much more then collecting MANY years of unpaid child support... My children's male role model (their father) has no respect for women and if I don't stop this cycle NOW it will continue into their own generation of children. Thank you Sharyn for giving me the courage to do something I "should" have started years ago. You spoke of "cleaning" last week and it SOO rang true for me. So many more of your words have as well. Thank you for touching my life and my families life.

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,
Your post this morning made the song by Hootie and the Blowfish pop into my mind....."let her cry...let the tears fall down like rain....
Cry Sharyn, you know it is a release, from all that you have been going through, from all that has ripped through your life since Caleb's accident.Let the tears fall down like rain....it will cleanse...there is always a way up from the bottom. A poster mentioned last night that no one here knows what you are going through, and therefore cannot begin to know how you feel,etc. I disagree - we are all the same to a degree - we have all suffered heartache and terrible loss - this blog is not to measure whose pain is deeper - the bond is enough, I think, if we have lived life, we have all known pain and loss. We have all been visited by dark feelings, felt alone and hopeless at times. And so, we can, I think, all FEEL you in a way,and want you to know, in the truest sense of things, that you are not alone - not in spirit anyway. We ARE here, and if you DO feel our force (which I had mistakenly doubted), then draw from it and take all that you need....I know that I will now post to you more frequently, knowing that it makes a difference. We can all feel so insignificant sometimes....as I said last night - there is a great lesson here....and I think we can ALL learn from it and feel more loved and powerful. YOU COUNT - WE ALL COUNT. We are all here and it is my(our) pleasure to hold your hand and walk with you as much as we can, down your road of healing and recovery - Caleb's AND yours.
Don't feel guilt for crying - it needs to happen....let the tears fall down like rain.
Have a happier day Sharyn - and always know -
WE ARE HERE.
Nancy in NY

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,
Although I haven't written much, I read your blog every morning, often rereading older entries and sending my thoughts and prayers to you all. Please know that your words and thoughts are human, real and meaningful to everyone who lives and breathes on this earth. This blog isn't just about Caleb's horrible accident and amazing journey back, it's about being human,with all the agony and suffering that comes with it. Let our love help you through the tough times. You don't owe us anything - if you want to write, write - if you need a break that's cool too. There's no one right way to do any of this. We'll ALWAYS be thinking about you and your family. Love, Elizabeth B.

Anonymous said...

Rest Sharyn. We will be here when you return. Ali Manchester UK

susan in portsmouth said...

Sharyn -

Please take your time. Feel what you feel as you're feeling it, and know that it's as it should be.

We'll be here if and when you decide to come back, I promise...and in the meantime we're grateful to have Kai and Jennie to fill us in.

Just a few short days left in cold, grey February - It'll be Spring before we know it. Hang on to that, and to this...

We send you big big love,

Susan

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharyn --
I was so happy to see your post this morning. I've been struck over these months how you utilize the blog. Asking for prayers for Caleb, reports on his progress, storytelling, reflection. I've loved and admired how you're using this vehicle to express yourself and your shifting ideas and feelings overtime. I always like to believe that I'm somehow helping in your recovery process by reading your words and carrying them with me for days at a time, silly as that may sound.

I've only posted several times, because I feel like such an outsider looking in on this incredible story unfolding before all our eyes. I read it always and am so grateful to be able to peer inside.

We live in Wellfleet in the summer, and I hope I bump in to you someday, somewhere, so I can tell you in person how much your story has meant to my life.

It's selfish of all of us to ask you to keep writing if it's not right for you. The idea of your words disappearing from my life makes me sad, though. Please do what you need to do. And know that we are all out here reading away for as long as you need to write.

By the way, I've always believed when you've suffered a tragedy and can finally find the tears, it's a good thing. The worst is behind you and you have the luxury and freedom to process and grieve and feel. Please take the time for that. You've earned it!

Best wishes always to all of you. Can't wait for the freeze to thaw to be back in the Wellfleet air!

Anonymous said...

Dana & Mike said...Hang in there, Sharyn! We are all with you whether in print or not....if we are not blogging, we are thinking & praying for all of you....do not feel alone!! I check the blog every morning for updates and think of you all often. Keep your chin up! xoox Dana & Mike

Anonymous said...

Sharyn and family,

I too have that sense of guilt for not responding to the last few posts......a small part of me thought you guys didn't need all of us anymore. You have so much love and support around you, I didn't want to be "pushy" I read every word you write. I pray for all of you every night. I have laughed, cried and screamed when reading. I consider all of us family now. Take the time you need to heal yourself, you have been to hell and back. Just know we ALL love you and support anything you need to do. We will all be here when you need to talk once again. Always in my thoughts and prayers. Peace be with you all
Lisa from Pa.

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,

So good to hear back from you today! Keep the faith and don't loose your beautiful perspective. Caleb is here and right where he is meant to be...he will go forward, get stronger, and have a full and meaningful life, however he wants to define it. Given what he has gone through already and how he has handled it, there will be no limits to what he can accomplish.

And to answer your question from yesterday...His penny has already landed face up!

Blessings,

--Beth

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,
Know that there are lots of us out here following along with this blog and supporting you in our own sometimes silent ways. I find myself checking your blog every morning when I'm settling into work - just like I have for months and months.

I sit back, think of what you are going through, and send silent good vibes your way. Sometimes when I'm feeling really daring a comment comes through. But to be honest - a lot of times... I feel like my words are not up to par with all the other ones here. You get some brilliant advice and support from very well spoken (or is it written?) people in this blog.

I can't express myself quite as good as they can (I'm more of a Max), but know that there are people out there like me. Sending words of support your way SOMETIMES, but sending positive vibes your way ALWAYS. You are always in our thoughts.

I cannot imagine the pain, exhaustion, worry, etc of being on your position. Take the time to cry when you need it. We all understand. We're all behind you on this in any way that we can be.

Hugs and positive thoughts coming your way.

Lauren from CT

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,
It was scary to read your post yesterday and a relief to read your newest entry. I think that you want so much for this pain to end that you are looking for ways to bring closure and perhaps you thought that by discontinuing the blog you might lessen the pain and gain back some control over your life. I really understand that. In listenning to the wisdom of everyone who wrote back to you it's clear to me that this blog is here to help you, to love you and to bear witness to your personal transformation. Everyone, including me, cares about you and Caleb and Kai and Max and well, everyone who participates in this little world of a blog. Take good care of yourself Sharyn. Spring really is coming. I can't wait. I can't stand another minute of graduate school. Some people buy a sports car when they hit middle age, others go back to school. Why couldn't I have been the sports car type? Eight more weeks. I can do eight more weeks. Soon the crocuses will yawn and stretch and life in all its messy glory continues.
Love,
Lesa

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,
Thank you for taking the time to share your journey with all of us. Take time for yourself and know that you and the family will not be forgotten, our prayers won´t stop. Spring is on the way! Be well.
Patti (and Bruce)
Panama

blackbird said...

Now you can count on it.

You will know where to find me - and if you don't I will track you down.
(But in a good way.)

Anonymous said...

Sharyn, if you needed a reminder of how you are loved, then your posting accomplished that. The person who said the blog has become more about you than Caleb may have a point. And to feel let down by those of us who have travelled daily with you these past 7 months is unfair - to us and to YOU.

Perhaps someday the time will be right for a personal conversation, about the shock of losing the essence of someone you love, leaving behind a new or different person in the same body. The memories of years of raising the child into adulthood are so hard to handle - and no matter how often you tell yourself that "things happen for a reason, out of bad comes good, etc...." you still ache and long for 'yesterday'. I know firsthand what this feels like and that is why I've responded almost daily since the beginning. You've shared it all with us, almost convincing yourself that everything would be just fine. But when the crisis passes and the well-wishers go away, what's left is the truth, reality, and it hurts so much you don't think you can go on.

Jeff said it all so eloquently. Avail yourself of professional help...you and Caleb together and separately. Find a place to scream, kick, shout, rage...and another place to breathe deeply, reflect, close your eyes, listen to life around you.

The hardest part for me was not turning my utter sadness and disappointment/frustration toward others who could not understand what I was feeling, watching young men and wishing what they had and what they were could be for my son, too....it takes a lot of time and you have only begun.

Take care of yourself in your absence from the blog. Don't feel abandoned by us. Sky, Jennie, Kai, and others can let us know now and then how things are...they all write so wonderfully...and it might be good for them, too.

Go in peace, take good care of yourself, sing and dance, laugh a lot, and cry when you feel like it, no matter who's around!!

Anonymous said...

sharyn
i was on vaca and away from my computer for over a week but i too love this blog and i love you and caleb and everyone in your tribe, and the cyber tribe as well. it is so important to all of us, to vent, good and bad times, tears and joy. i have grown so much from your blog and knowing ALL of you.
i am sorry i do not write more often to show you how i feel.
take care of yourself and know that we are all still out here, more of us apparently than you thought there were :)
love and peace to you ... to everyone!!!
amy in ct

Anonymous said...

Sharyn:
I'm a lurker who doesn't have the writing talent that you have. I've been reading your blog since Blackbird told her readers about Caleb's accident.

You've been so busy taking care of Caleb, now it's time to take care of Sharyn. With any kind of loss, we go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance as well as many other emotions not necessarily in that order and not necessarily only once.

Thank you so much for all your wise words. I will miss you, and I will continue to pray for Caleb and all of you.

ssheers

Anonymous said...

Sheesh, I didn't read the blog for a few days and all this stuff happened! I have to say I have been lurking and my excuse is a bad case of Februaryitis I didn't want to spread around. If you stop blogging I hope you get yourself a great big journal and write. I'll keep Caleb Potter on my desk top, in case you ever feel like checking in again and of course I will also look forward to Kai's and Jenny and Company's updates.

Anonymous said...

I trust that you ARE getting crucial support and advice that will help you move thru this time of anguish and release.

I trust that your friends, family and fans will continue to move toward you as you continue to receive them.

I trust that you will make the necessary adjustments to your new life with your beloved son as he makes his own adjustment to his own new life -- whatever it will be. We are not meant to remain in darkness, even during a total eclipse.

You know so well that trauma is a phenomenon that takes on a life of its own; and that current trauma excites memories of old traumatic experiences at all levels of mind and body. Feeder streams pour into life streams and reawaken life themes -- it's inescapable, actually, and particularly when old wounds are not exposed to the Light for healing and sealing over. Your anger and grief, self-doubt and self-abnegation, sorrow and mistrust, are now all intertwined,as you describe so remarkably well, and it really is too much to expect from your Self that it all smoothe out in a matter of a few weeks.

If you are able to practice the very same acts of kindness, respect and love on your own behalf as you do for your son, you will be discover a place of safety and certainty soon again.

Best best wishes to you and your deeply cherished children.
RCL in DC

Anonymous said...

I just checked in and read that you were thinking of ending the blog. I hope not! I check the blog every day (except being sick yesterday) and I look forward to reading about Caleb's progress, and your journey. I am so moved by your words and so inspired by you. You are a magical woman and I would be so sad to say goodbye to this blog. All my best,
Alex

Anonymous said...

dear sharyn,
with total respect to everyone on this blog, i have to disagree with the all to common saying that "things could always be worse".
i know it is said out of compassion and heartfelt caring, for other people that have losses, tragedies, problems, stuff, ect..
beleive me, i was guilty of using that phrase alot when i had a tragic loss 7 years ago...

i finally came to realize that anything happening in mine or someone else's life, no mader how great or small could not be compared or measured on a scale with those five words...

this is your life sharyn, and caleb's, and the rest of your tribe..

feel it as you need to without worrying that you shouldn't because someone else (you think) is worse off than you. there is nothing to be compared...

as with so many other people that have posted in the last few days, i say..

if you need to stop writing on the blog i understand and will still be here through thoughts and energy, but please,please don't stop writing in whatever forum that might take for you...

it is incredibly healing and just another way to breathe.. deeply.

peace & love to all...

Unknown said...

Wow is right. What a wonderful group of people are gathered here. The common thread woven through this multi-colored tapestry is love, and it's color is so bright as to be blinding......Do what you must do for yourself, Sharyn. Your reaction to all of the trauma is now just coming to the fore and it is normal to feel and cry and relive. I am sure that there is a lot of post traumatic stress going on with you, and I second Jeff's suggestion that you reach out for help if you need it. It would do you good....we are all too close to give you an objective view, you need someone totally subjective.
Please let us know how you are feeling once in a while, and know in your heart that you are loved and cherished, warts and all.
I thought of you all day, and hope that all of the posts brought some comfort to your tattered psyche.
As always, with hope for peace,
peg from PA

Anonymous said...

I have never posted, mainly because I came to your blog months after the initial accident and didn't want to jump in on a party that had clearly already gotten into full swing. But I keep coming back because I know your pain, and have walked a similar road as yours. Your journey is like many of ours, and we all give each other encouragement and hope. I wish you all the best, whether or not you continue to post.

Anonymous said...

Sharyn - we were also in Wellfleet in July 2007 and HAD to find out who Caleb Potter was. We found out by asking a TOWNIE - since last July I go on to this blog every so often just checking on Caleb - WOW - how amazing. HE could be in very bad shape right now - but through YOUR prayers and caretaking he is alive, walking, speaking, eating and LOVING!! You take your time and heal - you will be okay - I can only imagine the relief in tears and writing that this does for you. Please don't stop - know that there are MANY - MANY people who traveled through WELLFLEET last year who think of Caleb often and your family. GODSPEED Mumsie!!!!

Anonymous said...

let it rip, let it roar, LET IT OUT!! (good advice for tears, rage, joy, and...let's face it...gas).
and please always do what you need, and don't worry about us.
I thank all of you who reassured me that spring is coming soon!!!
Peace...
xoxo

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharyn,
It's clear that there are many people who care about you and your family from reading your blog. I have admired you very much and am amazed at how strong you have been. I think you've had to operate on adrenaline over many months to get through all the big and little crises (mostly big), and now you need to let everything that's happened sink in. The best thing you can do now is let the tears flow! There's nothing wrong with crying! Take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

oh Sharyn- as soon as I woke up this morning and checked in I was so relieved. I am really trying not to be selfish but the idea of saying goodbye to you and Caleb and Max and Kai and Jennie and all the bloggers was so sad to me.

Take time for you- read our comments when you feel like it and don't when you don't. I think it is so important for you to let yourself feel and grieve. You only have time to do that when the crisis calms. Caleb is doing well which is so wonderful but it gives you time to feel the full weight of what has happened and the full fear of what may or may not come. Please cry when you need to, seek help when you need to.

Most of all please please please know that we are here for you. Take care.

Laura in CT

Anonymous said...

I'm so very glad you're keeping the blog up. I wish I could give you a massive hug, but this--

**MASSIVE HUG!**

--will have to do for now.

love,
mia

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharyn,

Jeff said so much, so beautifully.

"I think many are bearing silent witness to this journey and there is support (the site numbers show that) but aren’t sure how to respond."
So true. I can't tell you the number of times I have read one of your posts, and then for a long time waited for the words to come, and it was not to be. Or just sat for a long time thinking. You cause us to stop, reflect, feel emotions that may have been buried deeply.

Jeff's post continues with very wise words. Take time for yourself, Sharyn. Seek out what you need to heal. Be gentle with yourself.

You have been very strong for your family, very courageous, and selfless through all these months. Lots of energy put out, very little (? none) recharge time. There is time now, Sharyn. Take the time you need--your soul needs.

We are still here for you. You know that now, don't you? :)

Sending you positive and healing energy,

DD
North Eastham

Anonymous said...

Sharyn....I am yet another person who has been"bearing silent witness" to your journey since September. My mother lives in Wellfleet,and during my visit I learned of Caleb's accident and of course saw all of the signs and flags.
Since then reading this blog has become a part of my daily life. I post today to let you know that I am one of the many who has been silently sending you positive energy and support. The community who holds you is larger than you know.
Wishing you peace and healing.
Respectfully,
Karen in WA State

Anonymous said...

I have been checking your blog almost daily since my August vacation days in Wellfleet. I am not a writer, but wanted you to know there are many non-writers praying for Caleb and your family. I wish you strength, I wish you comfort. I wish you quiet time in which to grieve for what was and to reach for the best in the future. I thank you for sharing with us so honestly the strength of a mother's love. I thank you for expressing so well the ups and downs of being part of a loved one's recovery. I hope that updates on Caleb's progress will still be posted so that the rest of us can know he is doing well at home. And I will believe in and pray for his continued amazing recovery and for you and your beautiful family and friends.

Anonymous said...

It's good to hear your voice, Sharyn.

Like all amazing mothers, your first priority throughout this crisis has been your children, but now it's time to take care of YOU.

I wish you peace. You deserve it.

NY/Wellfleet Mom

Anonymous said...

Sharyn -- i do not write often but continue to follow the journeys -- support, prayers, hope go out to you and your family -- please put the word out if you need errands, etc., done.

Anonymous said...

I too have not posted lately, just dont' have the eloquence of Jeff and Peg. Ditto those thoughts of everyone out there on February/March in the north. We're too longing for Wellfleet in July. We have always known it is a wonderful place on earth, but you have all helped us see the heart of it. Still keeping you, Sharyn, boys, friends/town in prayer. Judith/Rochester,NY

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,

Do what you have to do (be it write, not write, blog, not blog). You and Caleb are in our thoughts, no matter how many posts you see on a given day (says this Dr. in CT who is wearing a "pray for Caleb" T under his sweater today!!!). We're all here for you.

Anonymous said...

Ah Sharyn, let those tears flow, may they cleanse you, may they take the darkness away, may they show you the light...do it now, purge all that you can purge, vomit it all out, because if you don't it will swallow you whole. It took me 8 years of pain to learn that lesson after I lost my brother, and I lost myself. My stepford mask so firmly in place, my outward appearance so perfectly disguised (or so I thought)...but the anger, grief, sadness always wins out unless we deal with it, you are doing exactly what you need to do now. Grieve, cry, rant, scream...let it all go. A very wise person said to me once. "People will tell you that it gets better with time, it doesn't get better, it just gets different." I didn't understand those words at first, yet I came to embrace them when I realized where and how my life would accomodate such a great sadness. You will survive this, Caleb the amazing soul that he is, will survive this, and I will continue to light my candles and pray for some peace for you each and everyday.

Peace to you and yours tonight-
Audrey

tendencies and such said...

mumsie.

you are an incredibly amazing woman.
the planet needs you.
and your tears.
let them fall.
they will heal you.
and they will fall into the sea
and carry us because...
just because.

sometimes words just can't do it.

all my love,

owen in the west.

Anonymous said...

So many sweet, caring, healing, soothing, comforting words here... I can hardly breathe.
We all as human beings need this...thank you...all. Too bad we can't act this way when we bump into each other in 'real life'...

Anonymous said...

Please know that you, Caleb, Kai, Max,Jan, Jennie, remain in thought and prayer.

We wish you Peace on your journey, and loving kindness each and every day.

Take good care, breath deep, drink in the beauty of the place you call home, and know that you are never alone. Heal my friend, take time to be still, find your center, and heal.

Peace to you this, and every night.

Que duermen (todos) con los angelitos!

Con todo Carino,

Melinda

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,

For any of us who have been on a difficult journey with those close to us, your writing has been an amazing gift.

If has been a true and brave, from the heart every word.

Please do what you need to do to give yourself peace. The caretaker needs care sometimes.

We hope that you will write when you wish to.

Beth Fulton, Walter Rockwood's Daughter