A word of thanks...to all the students of Stockbridge who decided to forego their graduation gifts of beautifully crafted jackets with the Stockbridge logo - in order to put the funds into Caleb's account. The jackets were ordered - so this did not fly - but you are all hero's in my eyes. Thank you.
It is indeed lovely to see the progress on a daily, weekly, monthly basis with Caleb. I must admit that at this point in time, he is doing better than the the rest of his family.
Jan has left his boys with a very dark legacy. The struggle to keep them going, while caring for Caleb, is a feat of no small means. I feel as tho we each have an appendage sewn on by one suture and we are all dangling out there- waiting to heal.
Yes, we are smiling, yes we go off to work, yes we are seeing a professional; we are getting out a bit, taking baths and being kind to ourselves .. and yes we do have all the support in this community and beyond that we could possibly have ..
and yet the thin veneer of hope runs out when I see the anger in the eyes of my spiritual child and the anger in the eyes of my already pre-disposed loner child. I want to lash out, scream, kick and bite. This suicide is a very personal affront on our systems that usually say go - and we are stalled in the road with the train "comin" down the tracks.
I have spent most of my adult life being angry with Jan for one thing or another (usually having to do with his children) and
now I have the opportunity to forgive and move forward, but that "ole" anger still lurkes in there and is rearing its ugly head once again.
All things that can be said here are true- he was ill and could not think clearly, he was kind and good, he was a great friend, he helped so many.....he has left us for the second time.
No words can help us come to terms with what must be dealt with now..and this rainy, bitter day is fitting for Kai's return into this household that once prior was filled with laughter, and is now bursting at the seams with unsettling thoughts and stale memories.
I do not wish for any of you to think me ungrateful for all you have done--quite contrare......
I just want to paint a picture that is honest and true to where we are now...so that perhaps someone hearing of our story will take pause to cherish his or her own life more.
And to help us trudge forward, we must cherish the angry thought right along with the softer ones...as the anger is the fuel which will move us off the tracks, even if just in time, with our faces tipped up to the sun ..........and moving on.
mumsie
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On the fourth of July, 2007 Caleb Potter was involved in a skateboarding accident.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
Adding Comments
Please feel free to add your comments to the blog. All you have to do is click on the number of comments at the bottom of one of the postings. Then write your comment in the box provided on the right side of the screen. Thank you to all of you who have been commenting so far; we're creating quite the community on here! Be well...
A BIG Thank You
In this season of giving thanks and celebrating family togetherness, I wish to extend a warm thank you to everyone who has been involved in a myriad of ways with my son, Caleb Potter, and his recovery. On July 4, he was involved in a skateboarding accident in our little hometown of Wellfleet on Cape Cod, that caused him serious injuries. He came home from Spaulding Rehab in Boston just before Thanksgiving. Through the blog we started:
http://calebpotter.blogspot.com/
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
http://calebpotter.blogspot
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
DONATIONS
THE CALEB POTTER
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
Official Information
If you have questions about calebpotter.blogspot.com,
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
For Sending Cards etc.
Caleb Potter
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
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23 comments:
WOW!!!! You are amazing, Sharon. You are a survivor and this once again reared itself in your words. I am in awe of you!!!
I suppose the balance will come in time...
Sharyn, Thank you for once again sharing so honestly with us. Of course you're angry. You're human. The rational side of you knows that Jan was ill, etc...; but, the mother in you, and your emotional side, must look into the eyes of those boys of yours and see the sadness, anger, disbelief, etc...(again) that is there. It all must be a very delicate dance right now. Just continue doing what you are doing - keep plugging away - day by day - and remember life will not always be this way. You will weather this; but, it is all too fresh still.
Thinking of you all and sending my love,
Beth Lima ("Mom in CT")
I can imagine that everyday your families heart hurts for one another and this all sucks., i'm so sorry.
Sharyn,
Thank you for your honest thoughts. I think one thing I have learned is that no one has hold on another's life, only our own. Which makes the pain in our loved ones even worse because there is no immediate fix. You have years of living and more skills than your sons, to cope. With time, all will decide how to spend the next 50+ years(for your sons and hopefully for you, too). I quote a wise person "someone who hears our story will take pause to cherish his or own life more"--including you and your family.
Dear Sharyn,
As always your candor moves me deeply. I am so touched by how you, as I have described before, "love hard." Feeling anger is inevitable when you see those you love in pain.
It's funny how we mothers convey our love sometimes. I teach 11th grade and I was making a point about the innocence of a child as it connected to a poem we were studying. The poet, I explained, was stressing the importance of innocence in children and how even in our often "anything goes" culture, we tend to want to protect children from loss of innocence. "For example, if I brought in my 6 year-old Jenny to class, would you tell her a joke that was too old for her?" No, they said. "Why not?" "Because you would kill us!" came the first response. As we explored other answers as well:), I recognized how much my students felt my commitment to protect my girls however I can from those moments in life that bring you farther from innocence. I said to my class, "Perhaps you wouldn't tell her the joke because you know life itself is going to bring her moments that will bring her away from innocence. Perhaps you already know that the loss we must live through can do this." My juniors knew I was talking about the poem, but also about the challenging road we parents walk becuase our love is so immense.
I am always wowed by your willingness to show us the immensity of your love for your men. You have so much to give, so much to be proud of, whatever the weather on a given day. I have immense respect for all you carry, and how you carry it. Lisa K.
Sharyn, Your honest cuts to the core. Anger sounds like the healthiest reaction to have in these circumstanaces along with grief. Good for you to admit thta you are angry and that your boys are angry as well. It doesn't make it easy, but it certainly is necessary.
My thoughts are with you.
Amy from western MA
That you and the boys feel angry is good, it is one of the stages of grief. That you feel angry that this is happening to them sounds right to me too. I am also angry this has happened to them. Eventually I believe you will all come to forgive Jan. Surely if he could have done things differently he would have.Sometimes it is good to get off the train for a little while and walk in the sun. Enjoy the rest of this beautiful day.
Sharyn:
I read your post early this morning and ruminated on it all day. I always hesitate to respond to you. Who am I to give you advice? Or even to comment? I cannot possibly walk in your shoes. But clearly, you place some value on blogger comments, so I will respond. Use my comments, toss them away, whatever you choose.
To me, anger seems like a normal, short-term response to the most recent tragedy to visit your family. But I sincerely hope that everyone will find the strength to pass through this anger stage swiftly, and to revisit it rarely. Clutched too closely and held too dearly, anger can become a very destructive force. And I say this from personal experience.
Anger is only one lens we can use to view the world. We can choose other lenses.
Wishing you and your sons peaceful dreams and Herculean strength.
NY/Wellfleet Mom
Oh, and to Lisa B and the gentleman you were speaking with at the post office on Friday: I apologize for inserting myself into your conversation. It was rude. Sometimes, I just can’t rein-in my mouth.
you must feel all the feelings, good bad and ugly, in order to move on. you are all working thru it the way that you need to and i understand looking at your son and seeing anger and disbelief in his eyes.
know that we are all thinking of you and pray for you all every day ...
as always peace and prayers...
amy in ct
The last line of my post should have read: "Wishing you and your sons peaceful dreams and Herculean inner strength." Makes more sense that way.
NY/Wellfleet Mom
Sharyn,
I also feel that replying to you about this particular issue is almost not within my "rights" for I have never dealt with THIS particular pain.....BUT - I DO have 3 teenage children, and I CAN respond to the pain I can imagine YOUR children are feeling. I can almost FEEL the anger and RAGE that they might feel, brought on by the sense that their father abandoned them.....and I too, would feel INTENSE anger that the father of my children could do this to them......we know, that underneath those raw feelings, Jan did not do it TO THEM - I don't believe people in that kind of pain are thinking clearly and able to see what it what will do to their loved ones....but knowing that doesn't help those left by such an act -does it?
I DO think that in time, you will all come to feel that pain and anger with constantly fading intensity.
In the meantime, my heart breaks, as a human being and especially as a Mom, as I picture your boy's faces and that look in their eyes.....I just want to wrap them up in a giant hug and make it go away - which is what we Moms are biologically driven to do!
All I can really say is that I hope you take a tiny amount of comfort in knowing how much we all feel for you and the weight that has been thrust upon your already over burdened shoulders.
My heart hurts for you Sharyn - and everyday I wish you the strength you need to continue to carry on and hold your family up - and I do believe my wishes make it to you - because you ARE doing it, although you may feel,at times you are not!
You are - one day at a time - one phase at a time, walking the road, and that's all anyone can ask you to do.
Every now and then,hold your face up to the sun when you need that extra boost - and I hope you will also catch the many wishes of hope and strength, coming to you on the breeze.
Nancy in NY
Sharyn,
I know you know I have told you the anger is a natural feeling in this process for you all. I wish there were new words to come up with for you here. There aren’t. One foot in front of the other and just hang tough and let it out of your system where you can to stay positive.
Keep smiling,
Kevin
Kevin Scalley, Have I told you lately (or ever) that I love you? Well, I do. What a good friend with great wisdom you are! Thanks for your continued encouragement and real life advice. Ellen
Sharyn, I want to say that I totally agree with Kevin. Based on my own experience with loss I would say that you are in a process ..a process which has a mind of its own. Anger is a part of that process. One day it will be finished...but in its own time. Wish we could speed it up for you. Take care. Gail
I didn't mean to suggest that you don't have reason to be angry (or, very angry), but I believe that eventually it won't be on center stage as much as it is now. You will move on to a better place. Gail
I watched slick bodies ride waves today..down at 4 mile. I haven't done that in way too long. I took my daughter on this beautiful day and just sat there and tried hard to just be there and suck this life in for all it was worth. I thought about you and your family all and how we were probably sitting in a spot you had sat in, watching water you had seen when your kids were as young as mine. We are so close all of us. It amazes me how near, how we are really not that far apart. What you do here is remind me and I hope Sharyn that we remind you too.
Loveandlight
t
Sharyn, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
It sounds like you guys are all doing the right thing, you just have to get through this the best way you know how.
A lot of hugs, a lot of good talks, and understand that life will never be the same, but believe it or not it might get even better.
As often as not I am humbled by your comments. In the past few weeks a suffient number of challenges moved me to a place of feeling sorry for myself, not a good or healthy place to visit let alone reside. Your sharing of the less invisible turmoil that is really going on below the surface appearance of normal every day life with your sons and what will continue for a while; and my just now sitting with a co-worker who just learned of the dual cancer diagnosis of a family member moves me to a totally different place, embarrassment.
Thank you for occasionally shaking us up to what is really important in life. It isn’t always the muck that we think is important. As always you are all in my thoughts
This blog has given me much to ponder and I would guess that you probably have reached your limit as to what next? Well Sharyn, I marvel at your strength and tenacity. This course surely has been in un-chartered waters but the very fact that you are,indeed,putting one foot in front of the other--pushing and plodding, keeping the steady pace,believing in yourselves individually and as a family that eventually you all will be out of the doldrums.
You are in my thoughts constantly.
With much love,
Penny
Sharyn,
So many wise words written here already....
I was 12 days shy of my 21st birthday when my Dad died of cancer. I remember the anger, CLEARLY. I didn't know it was possible to feel such anger. I remember one of my brothers punching a wall. I can't even imagine what your boys must be experiencing.
Breathe deeply...take one day at a time. On some days that will mean: have a glass of wine and go to bed early. Tomorrow will be a new day.
As Beth said in the third post, try to "remember life will not always be this way."
Sending you healing energy,
DD
thanks the gods and spirits that we don't always have to eat our words..or our thoughts...sometimes they would be sweet, and other times bitter. what matters is in our hearts..and sharyn, your heart has always been gracious and kind and big. don't lose sight of your bigger self, which you so generously share on this blog. we all need to transcend the mundane every day in some way...and your "mundane" is riddled with such pain now..give me some of that pain and anger, because i can help to absorb it like a sponge, and that is what friends are for. stay strong (and stay funny too) i love you all. lisa
Sharyn,
The fact that you and your wonderful boys are angry tells us all that you are dealing with this just as you should be.
Everyone know there are stages in dealing with things - normal stages that say your are coping in the healthiest way possible.
I do not think there is any set time frame on how long each stage will last for everyone is different.
We are all thinking of you and your boys and little by little the anger will go away and be replaced with something else.
Much love to you .
S
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