Jan

The most recent shock wave to blast through the Potter household has slowly settled to a point where we can all finally look at each other and not find ourselves staring back at the "deer caught in the headlight" look.
We are a tumble of all emotions at once.. sad sometimes, angry at others and mostly lost in the confusion of our minds which will not wrap itself around this.
Once again, the support from everyone is more than we could hope for...thank you.

I wish to address the negative posts that found their way to my eyes before Sky could remove them. I must say that at first I was aghast at the insensitivity. As a younger woman this could have destroyed me for weeks.. but now in this space and time it has given me a measure with which I can calculate how far I have come as this woman that I have morphed into over the years. I can read negative things that were clearly meant for me and brush them aside with a blessing to the angel who delivered them, for that angel was reminding me once again to know, as I know my own name, the woman I have become, and which I now proudly lay a claim to.

For the aftermath...

Sarah, Ken (Jan's sister), the boys and I have become a team support group and we all feel very strongly about keeping in touch with one another through this and have planned a memorial to Jan that we feel is appropriate to him. These two women are crushed with grief and yet maintain clarity of spirit, strength and dignity. I adore them.

The boys -- well the boys are holding up as well, if not better than I expected. There are wisps of soliloquies that reach my ear in passing, there are eyes swollen with tears, there is the deafening quietness, but there is also the hand which silently lands in mine with a prophecy of hope and the pursuit of something that is bigger in terms of understanding. They have chosen a life which has handed them many obstacles... but not a single one that can render them helpless. They are beacons of light and they will find their way.

I too am feeling the loss .. I used to tease Jan by saying " You can end a marriage, but divorce is forever". And this was true for us.. we had issues as anyone can guess, but as a young bride I loved him so very much and when you walk away from each other you cannot just put that love on a shelf .. it stays with you.
I am certain that Jan is now in a better place for Jan, and I am relieved for him. I will celebrate him and my life with him on Sunday and I will choose to play on the side of positive. I don't think I will wear the traditional black of mourning, but I will wear all white as a sign of the light I see in him, and for the freedom he has claimed as his own..