the eye

If I am to believe , as I do- that everything happens for a reason then I must follow through with this logic...
This is a letter of forgivness. Somehow I must convey to you that I knew in the deep recesses of my mind that something catastrophic was about to happen. I would not have confessed this to you prior to Caleb's accident because it seemed too strange even to me , but I now know with certanty that in the wee hours before, I felt a deepening sense of foreboding doom that was easier to deny than it was to accept. Life builds up to this point....
But back to the forgivness part.....
From day one, Kai was my child and Max was Jan's..but Caleb belonged to us both ..and this is where the story begins.
I have held very tightly inside for about 15 years.... anger at Jan for leaving us.......
We were the beautiful family- golden haired, healthy boys; dark, clever, handsome dad; flaxen haired mother ..the perfect couple, the perfect family...or so it seemed...
It was not meant to be.. Jan wanted another life and as much as I tried to guilt him into being with us, he was not having it. He was braver than I.. he wanted to choose for himself what his life was to be----
I admire what it must have taken for him to decide that he would follow his own path. In the aftermath it was always Caleb who tried to re-unite us- not necessarily as a couple .... but as two people who would look at one another and understand that to be true to yourself is the greatest gift . That is who Caleb was and still is and what he demonstrates earnestly.
Be yourself - you only hurt people more if you don't follow your path..in the long run the damage is greater. I need to forgive.
I sit next to Caleb and realize all the gifts bestowed- so many......... but one that stands out more than others...
"In a dark time, the eye begins to see". m

Simplified

After a teary goodbye on my part- Kai has returned to Amherst. He is a pillar of strength to me and an enduring calming presence which is a neccessary balance to my conspicuous crazed nature. I will miss him. Max and I are the sentries now in charge of Caleb, Buuuf and Spud. We watch and learn. Being the first born, I found that Caleb, out of the three, was the one who taught me the most about parenting by the nature of his positioning as number one. I had to be patient and let him show me the way. For the most part- that is what we are doing once again, this time with the added benifit of my having learned that to go with his program is the better choice. This process of healing is an emotional sandpaper to glass and back again feeling for all of us. But as Kai is strength to me - Max is my mortar who glues and holds fast and won't allow for things to fall apart. ..... We are doing fine.
Jenny still comes by each day with her positive smile and big kiss for Caleb. He has been speaking to her about subjects that are very emotional - the loss of his eye, not being able to live in the apt. with her for now and the nerve-racking nightmares he has had about the accident. To all of us, in spite of his frustrations, we see this as progress on his part. He still hallucinates a bit and is easily confused, but we hope that all of this will heal with time.
We are walking each day, laughing each day and holding tight to one another.
We feel that life with all it's mysteries is still allowing for the best that is yet to come.
Mumsie

Sharyn and the boys some years ago (Max, Kai, Caleb)


Early Pirate days...Caleb and Cedar sailing on "Sunspirit"

cold settled in

The Potters three continue to impress...Our household was similar to others-a division of labor carefully chosen without words-just happens , but now conquered by Caleb as we are, we are joined at the hip even more tightly....and all are present like an ant colony...not a day will pass where Kai and Max rally around Caleb for a bubbly bath time or dinner - an assembly line of good intentions chopping onions with teary eyes and hot salsa peppered with laughter to warm our hearts and minds. We move forward diligently and puposefully.
Cedar and Ennie came by to share an evening and I had a chance to ask Cedar privately how he felt about Caleb and his progress(someone Cedar has know since around birth) It is only a loving friend who can see clearly the possibilities instead of the negative and Cedar called it all out of the mist - "He is doing well, improving and remembering and laughing at the appropriate inuendoes". Close friends are like the dollars we collect thinking it is amount that matters till we are hit- then it is the genuine love and smiles and the tender rememberances that become the commodity to seek.

Kai leaves in two days for school - he is my stick on the tightrope -- but Max is becoming the solid rock- he is rising to the challenge and when Kai goes back to schoool, it will be Max who gets to shine..always the shadow of the family by choice in the past - he is now going to be running the show- and he is prepared.
The cold air has settled in for a few months, but we are warm with the thoughts of healing. I wake each night around two and cannot sleep again till 4 . I think of my mother and father and cry out for them to guide us and help us if they can from where they are now - and I am relieved to know that sound travels farther in the cooler air. mumsie

loving out loud

Some mornings, like this one, I wake early, fill my coffee cup and sit next to Caleb while he sleeps. Looking at him takes me back to a place in time when I knew what my life was like and what it would be (or so I thought). The chickadees are lined up in formation among the lilacs vieing for their turn at the feeder. The cat has already been chucked out the door and Spud has wedged his way through as well to get to his bowl. Max, out late as usual will not be spotted for another couple of hours and Kai is out the door for an early surf session. I sit alone in the room.
If you did not know what happened you could almost be fooled into thinking that Caleb is just playing possum, will be smiling up at you in a second, and will be out the door in another ready to prey on the first friend he bumps into....he looks like perfection itself. We have lived through hell and are still here to talk about it- to ruminate. It is a risk to love- and I would not have it any other way. One of the gifts of being a single mom was that I didn't have a moment that I could miss watching, observing and being involved with my three. It has been a gift that I treasure and hold tight like the priceless tag that is attached.
Love today - don't be afraid to become kinder, take time to smile, look at one another as tho it might be the last time you will see them as they are now.....it just might be..
We are indeed holding up well..and loving completely.
Mumsie

from a friend

hey sharyn..
I am so sorry that i havent replyed.. soo sorry i realy dident know what to wright.. Im sorry I feel bad for that.. but i follow every movement on the blogg.. I try to understand every thing and i think I do...
I wounder if i can post a thing on the blogg Im gonna try to wright good.. but you know how my english are..
okey post it if you want to.. and also the picture I send with the mail if you stil have that picture with me and caleb on the fishing boat.. i love that picture.... if you feel that this post dont fit in on the blog. please just show it to your family...

hey all good people.. my name is Markus, from sweden..
I meet caleb and his super great family in costa rica last year, we spend in two weeks alot of time together. I spent 6 month in costa rica and when I think about the best times, its always with the potter family//..
I will try to desscribe how my feelings about this family is.. but my english is not the best..
this family is the most kindly family I ever meet..
Sharyn that I called my extra mother (she realy was), is a super strong women that always lissen to you..
Kai the crazy bastardo that paintet a murmaid on my surfboard. becouse Kai thought I talked alot about the little murmaid ariel (that I maby have a little crush on)...
Max yea what can I say about him? he is a crazy guy that make you smile all the time and he is also the guy ho catch the biggest fish yea a great fisherman...
and Caleb the crazy pirate that always was having a big smile on his face, he is the kind of guy that screams go markus go take that wave..!! and when you take it, he just smile and screams.. he always give you hints how to catch more waves... like a teacher.. he is just a good guy..
this great family invited me to spend the summer with them down in wellfleet, but the idiot that i am I went to cold norway insted..
now I am down in costa rica again and shit I miss you guys.. alot!! what shall we say.. next year?? yea I hope so..
Caleb be strong I think you are that kind of guy.. and all the people that support caleb you are also super strong..

Much love from Potters own bro dideli bro bro.. Markus..


soo sharyn I know its bad text.. but just want you to know that I think about you guys alot.. I hope that I can come up this summer and meet everybody..
ooh shayrn I have pictures of caleb and kai surfing on my homepage.. www.makaiphoto.se please when you have time take a look..
big hug for you guys.. ciao ciao italia..
lobve markus

checking in.....

Sorry to be so tardy about updates but in reality it takes much more enegy to have Caleb home and we have a full schedule from the time we wake till the moon casts it's shawdow...we are busy!
Jenny, Max and Kai are just impossible not to love - they are here with Caleb everyday plugging away with enthusiasm and vigor..- Jenny uses books from Aunt Carol's stash (years as a special needs teacher) to prompt Caleb's speech and it is really improving...Kai and Max do a workout ( Max always calls me Richard when I butt in and correct a movement) . They take long walks with the newly improved waistlined dog and sometimes our weird cat . Shaye and Cedar come by to help lift his spirits and Jan pops in as well. Aunt Carol supplies us with meatloaf, bananna bread and comfort.
So to give a brief run-down...Caleb is almost back to par with where we left off in terms of speech..Physically he is strong and with the help of ur new favorite friends at RICH, he will continue to improve. His head remains scrambled but if you can excuse my French, he can tell me -" I'm all fucked up mom "- which lets me know that at least he can remember where it is he wants to get to and that leaves so many possibilities. We are held captive by his charm and wit and his positive attitude.
All is well at the homestead.
We are committed to Caleb and as I have done for 25 years--I will watch over him from the moment he was conceived till the moment I can no longer....
We appreciate your watchful eye as well.

Goin again

We are indeed home in Wellfleet..all of us. Kai is home from school till the end of Jan. and is a continued source of strength and encouragement to Caleb. Max is committed to a physical work-out with Caleb every day, Jennie spends and hour with speech, Carol does my laundry and errands, Anne is on board to give me a break 3 times a week so I can go back to the Health club and work off all the hospital food, and Caleb is almost back to where we left off prior to this past hospitalization in terms of health and abilities. We are once again doing outpatient therapy in Orlenas and are very happy with the absolute positive vibes and energy that pours out of that place. We wish to thank all of you again for following along with us and sending your heartfelt wishes for Caleb during his recovery.
We also want to wish Peg continued good health and let her know that the Lindsay/Potter clan is behind her all the way. Love to all of you - Mumsie

Girlfriend update!!

Leaving the Hospital with the Family!!


Look how adorable Caleb's little smile is.


I asked Caleb to do a " leaving the hospital dance", and he did a lil jig for ya!!!

So Caleb is homeward bound now. He has overcome the infection and his last CAT scan looked really good, so the doctors told Sharyn that Caleb was good to go home. We did want Caleb to go to a rehab center, so that he could catch-up on his therapies from where he was before. But, there are no beds available at any of the rehab centers off-cape and on-cape. Therefore, Caleb is being brought home and he will ressume his therapies at RHCI in Orleans. Caleb was doing very well before he was admitted into the hospital again, but lying in a bed for 3 weeks does nothing good for the body. He has to rebuild his speech again and many other areas need to be worked on. We will work very hard with him everyday, and try to get back to where Caleb was before. I personally think that Caleb thrives while at home. He has the most amazing friends, who love to come see him as much as they can, and his family is so helpful to his every need. Caleb will also work as hard as he can, because he tries his hardest in every task that he is given, and he really wants to get better fast. We will give another update in a couple days and let you all know how he is doing at home!!! I think that this is such a great way to start off the New Year. Thank you everyone for your support and prayers. Love you all
-jennie

on the move again

Hello all
We are excited about the results of Caleb's test and Kai and I are researching places to move to next while Max prepares to pack up some of the things Caleb will need for rehab. We will more than likely be getting on our way either tomorrow or the next as Caleb is once again absorbing his CSF fluids naturally..and we hope that this remains the case which will mean no further surgical procedures.
This is a wonderful New Years gift as I am at the end of my rope and Caleb is clearly depressed now, feeling the effects of falling backwards from illness and lack of therapy. We need to go!
I read somewhere that the meaning of an event in your life doesn't come from the event. It comes from you and the lessons you're needing to learn. Kai and I sat sharing a steak dinner and a glass of wine last evening addressing this. It is always easier to find the "answers" for what the other person needs most, but harder to put a finger on what you personally need to do. I am searching myself, as both the boys and Jan are doing to find the valuable pointer to meaning in all of this. We want to triumph over this tragedy, bring our Caleb back, be open to the opportunities that will present and to learn more about the most important life in all of this - our own.
Your own.

Going On

New Year’s Day has never felt to me like the beginning or ending of something, but rather a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.
This New Year’s Day Caleb and Sharyn and Kai and Max and Jan will be going on, with that wisdom and a virtual tribe of support behind them.

The photos here represent both Fleetian friends and family and Virtual Tribe members “from away.” The numbered links below each mosaic of photographs will lead you to the corresponding bigger picture – please feel free to follow them and add comments if you wish. There will always be room for additional photos and I will gladly add them!

Thank you to all of you who have contributed to this little project – your faces glow with the love and hope in your hearts. If I weren't certain before I'm absolutely confident now that, with this collective spirit, we can accomplish anything we put our minds to!

Wishing you all a joyous new year filled with an abundance of love, dreams
that come true and surprises enough to keep you on your toes. A special wish for the Potter/Lindsay family for healing, and as much of that wisdom born from experience as they can stand.

Susan



1. Aaron, Sebastian, Alex & Xander, 2. Alycia (Goatlady), 3. Amy from western MA, 4. Amy in CT, 5. Arozana and Jamie, 6. Barbara Price, 7. blackbird, 8. Becky, Andrew, Douglas & John in Deerfield Beach, FL, 9. Claire Watts, Wellfleet, 10. D & Sienna, 11. Deb in Groton MA, 12. Mike and Dana Seguljic, 13. Erin and family, 14. Jerry G, 15. Jude Westerfield - Ossining & Eastham, 16. Judi / St Paul - Uncle Frank's Judi, 17. Judith, 18. Judith and family (Rochester, NY), 19. Ken's family pic, 20. Kevin Scalley, 21. Kim & Tom, 22. Laura (in CT) and kids in Wellfleet, 23. Lisa B, 24. Lisa K, 25. Little Caleb Miner, 26. Mike, 27. Mom in CT and family, 28. Nicole and Caleb Miner, 29. NY/Wellfleet mom, 30. Peg from PA, 31. Pirate Pumpkins, 32. South Shore Mom - Gail Hunter, 33. Spudly, 34. Susan, Hannah & Liam in Portsmouth, 35. Tracy in the Berkshires, 36. Yellowbeard



1. Home at Last, 2. The lawn - in anticipation, 3. ch/dad shucking oysters, 4. Sharyn and Caleb, 5. Janet and David Teffer, 6. Jodi & Ryan, 7. Jodi, Carrie and Shellie, 8. Brian, 9. Wentzle, 10. Timmy, 11. Adam, 12. Mia, 13. Trudy, 14. Randy, 15. Matt, 16. Wellfleet Bench Society, 17. "Rec" Beck, 18. Randy and Roshini, 19. Nancy O'Connell, 20. Town Hall treasures, 21. Tracy, 22. Shannon and Brandon, 23. Ashley and Megan, 24. Jan, 25. Rich Bartke, 26. Jonah, 27. Kolleen and Audrey, 28. Sarah, 29. Settie and Zack, 30. Shannon and Amy, 31. Justin, 32. Patty Larkin, 33. Laura, 34. John, 35. Nancy, 36. Shaye Cavanaugh



1. Caleb at sunset - Costa Rica, 2. Caleb and Pelicans, 3. Erin's photo 1, 4. Erin's photo 2, 5. Sharyn, 6. Max, 7. Kai, 8. Ali and family in Manchester, UK, 9. Ali and family in Manchester, UK, 10. Jeff in the Berkshires, 11. Skaket, 12. sunspirit at low tide, 13. Paines Creek, 14. Reese and ch in Front of Andy Jacob's Mural for Caleb, 15. Early Morning Sharyn's, 16. Sharyn's (and Caleb's...Kai's and Max's!) Front Yard, 17. Sharyn's Back Yard, 18. Summer Blossoms at Sharyn's, 19. Chuck and Jolly Roger, 20. Sky and Dad - highschool graduation, 21. Sky - alley - Denmark, 22. Cedar in Mast Lifting Mode, 23. Sky and Cedar (back in the day!), 24. Lovely family!, 25. Anne Freyss, 26. Cedar and Ennie, 27. Sisters at Uncle Tim's, 28. Sky - Frisbee - Denmark, 29. Sky at work at the Wicked Oyster, 30. Sky on her way to her First Day at school, 31. ch/dad and Soleil, 32. Shucky, 33. GB - Betsy Cole at the helm of HINDU, 34. Ethan, Sky, Soleil, 35. Anne and Ennie, 36. Hannah and Liam (in Portsmouth) 2005

A snowman for Caleb

Thanks to Jeff in the Berkshires for this photo!