We are on the 19th and Caleb's count plummets and stays there. He is fighting the infection and is strong. The Doctor's say that he will have to run the course till around Christmas and then we can start talking about putting a new shunt back in. Everytime one goes in or out, he is at risk of more infection, but we are running short on choices, and this is a necessary step before we can get Caleb back to re-hab. His appetite is good and the meals are the highlight of his day. Whoever thought hospital food could be so tantalizing? Perhaps with any luck, we will be moving on around the 2nd or 3rd week in January.
Kai will be finishing up with his semester this Thursday and he will more than likely join me full time in Boston. Max comes up as frequently as he can, usually catching a ride with his dad. We are hoping that the neighbors will watch Spud and Buuf so that Tim can join us for Christmas day. Carol and Ray will celebrate with me the following day so that we don't overwhelm Caleb with too many people. I am blessed to have such a wonderful beatings of hearts for Caleb.
Lack of sleep is becoming an issue and I feel myself slipping a bit... emotionally and physically . Like having a burning fevor while sitting on ice cubes. Time is an inch worm and I sit most nights holding Caleb's hand, fading in and out of a delusionary state myself, listening through the diaphanous cutain as the Columbian next to us speaks almost silently in Spanish, counting out the ingredients to his favorite paella, going over and over the chopping of onions and tomatoes and making certain it is just right. He comforts himself with the repetitions.
I find comfort in the sounds as well. Caleb's voice brings me home as does the sound of his IV banging gently against the pole. It is the sound of lines of our boat clanging softly in the breeze in the harbor while we sleep. The boys are small and rock with the waves. The nurse whispers in the dark and I think she is my mother, encouraging me to be strong. The quiet sounds of the night are defening and I try to remeber that this too will pass. Por Favor.