On the fourth of July, 2007 Caleb Potter was involved in a skateboarding accident.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

We are on the 19th and Caleb's count plummets and stays there. He is fighting the infection and is strong. The Doctor's say that he will have to run the course till around Christmas and then we can start talking about putting a new shunt back in. Everytime one goes in or out, he is at risk of more infection, but we are running short on choices, and this is a necessary step before we can get Caleb back to re-hab. His appetite is good and the meals are the highlight of his day. Whoever thought hospital food could be so tantalizing? Perhaps with any luck, we will be moving on around the 2nd or 3rd week in January.
Kai will be finishing up with his semester this Thursday and he will more than likely join me full time in Boston. Max comes up as frequently as he can, usually catching a ride with his dad. We are hoping that the neighbors will watch Spud and Buuf so that Tim can join us for Christmas day. Carol and Ray will celebrate with me the following day so that we don't overwhelm Caleb with too many people. I am blessed to have such a wonderful beatings of hearts for Caleb.
Lack of sleep is becoming an issue and I feel myself slipping a bit... emotionally and physically . Like having a burning fevor while sitting on ice cubes. Time is an inch worm and I sit most nights holding Caleb's hand, fading in and out of a delusionary state myself, listening through the diaphanous cutain as the Columbian next to us speaks almost silently in Spanish, counting out the ingredients to his favorite paella, going over and over the chopping of onions and tomatoes and making certain it is just right. He comforts himself with the repetitions.
I find comfort in the sounds as well. Caleb's voice brings me home as does the sound of his IV banging gently against the pole. It is the sound of lines of our boat clanging softly in the breeze in the harbor while we sleep. The boys are small and rock with the waves. The nurse whispers in the dark and I think she is my mother, encouraging me to be strong. The quiet sounds of the night are defening and I try to remeber that this too will pass. Por Favor.

38 comments:

susan in portsmouth said...

It will - it will pass.
And until it does please know, as always, that you are loved.

Wishing you some peaceful sleep soon and sending strength and warmth and the promise of candle-light to you all,

Susan

Anonymous said...

Sharyn, your words move me to tears...drift in and out...the tide is certain. Love, El

Anonymous said...

Please stay strong Sharyn, you have so many people in cyberland pulling for you, praying for you, and sending out the most positive vibes.
This has to be hell, but you will survive.

Blessings

J

sashawk said...

Sharyn,
Your writing is so amazing....amazing, I read it better than any good book I pick up and want to read more..amazing. I believe Caleb will pull through. I believe that you will as well, birth into a strong solidified and beautiful being that can handle any trial of life, strength is what you are called to, you are a soldier of life and winning this battle. I am 25 minutes from the city, so if you need anything at all please call on me, I am here for you and your family only when asked upon by you. I respect your rules of keeping it real and simple for Leb, which is why I haven't seen him yet. But please let him know that I am here, praying for him and whatever he needs. Kate can help you with the Pets I'm sure, call on here as well. Now is a good time to stretch out any burdens to others, even if it is to scrub the toilets (I am good at this). Whatever you ask I will do my best to comply. Peace and Love for you and your family this holiday, the brighter days are coming to you. You are a tiger, smart and strong, patient and strategic.

Love sas

Fara said...

I've been following your story from the beginning, thinking always of my 3 nephews, who I am madly in love with and who could all be Caleb. My Cape is Cape Ann, but my husband Jack Clarke and his brother Danny are deep-rooted Cape Codders - they took yoga from you years ago - they were in their 20s, you were hot, great motivation :)
Our prayers join those close to you now, for peace and strength and healing.

Anonymous said...

hey crazy lady,
You sound battered mummsie and rightfully so. But pick that head up and hold your chin up high. You should marvel in what your family has become. Be proud of them, and understand that caleb will fight through this. Dr. Judith says,"Get some sleep!!!" Merry christmas von potters.
Much Love
Judith

becky said...

Your post really moved me......AGAIN. I SOOOO wish there was something more I could do. I'd watch your dog, but I don't think my body could handle the cold weather!!! But, I would in a heartbeat if you needed me to.....I will continue to pray and hug my kids longer and harder! Hang in there(how easy that sounds, eh?)......

Anonymous said...

sharyn

your words once again hit me in the pit of my stomach. i am there with you right now, i am praying for caleb and all of your family.

he will be fine and you will get past this bump in the road.
stay strong as you always are, but take comfort in the loving arms and 'cyber' arms of the people ALL around you.

we all care for you and caleb and everyone in the tribe so much, even though some of us have never met you. be well, i am praying and thinking of you all.

amy in ct

Anonymous said...

Sharyn -- last week -- i think it was tues. or wed. a.m. i dreamed caleb was striding across from mayo beach toward the playground! he looked great and i remember yelling "way to go, Caleb" or something of that sort -- keep your strength,get some sleep and prayers and positive thoughts to you all.

blackbird said...

Today we will pray for your strength and his...

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you, praying for you, pulling for you all...I read a quote the other day from Leonard Cohen..."There is a crack in everything...that's how the light gets in"...May light wash over you all and heal you in the coming days and weeks. We keep you in our hearts and hang many hopes on our Christmas tree that all will be well for you soon.
XO,
Suz B.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharyn,

Well as someone said a holiday can be whenever you wish it to be. Stay strong and try to get some well deserved sleep--even if it's a "catnap." I wish I was in Fleet as I would be delighted to care for your animals.

Peace,love and as Merry a Christmas it can be! Penny on St.John

Anonymous said...

i have this meditation that i do sometimes to get me back to my core essence...and it goes like this:

sit in a relaxed position and close your eyes. then whisper to yourself these questions...breathe and pause between each one. you will feel all of the things you mention fall away and make sure to add to the meditation any feelings you feel are relavent to you at the time (like tension,sadness,anxiety, anger, etc.) for instance you would say: i have sadness, but i am not my sadness. who am i?.

this has always made me feel closer to who i am. i guess because i remind myself who and what i am not! it has always filled a void, this meditation, and it passes the time when it is feeling like everything is excrutiatingly slow.

ok...here it is. start with these an add as you like:

i have a body, but i am not my body.who am i?
i have i have a mind, but i am not my mind. who am i?
i have feelings, but i am not my feelings. who am i?
i have thoughts, but i am not my thoughts. who am i?

(etc)
peace sharyn. i love you.

Anonymous said...

Sending love and sweet wishes.

Nicole in Chatham

Anonymous said...

From such a raw place of exhaustion and pain comes such pure poetry! You are amazing, Sharyn, as is Caleb. You are, as always, in my thoughts and prayers. Try to draw strength from all of us who are pulling so hard for both of you. Love, Alycia

Anonymous said...

Your sorrow and pain and worry come so purely and beautifully through your words. You are all in my thoughts daily as usual. Try to rest and remember to breath and that you are never alone.

Laura in CT

chrissypea said...

the raw, gut-wrenching, stupendous passion you hold for all of your sons is where to turn when the moonlight seems to continually duck behind the clouds...

with admiration and hope-
a cape cod mom

Anonymous said...

Dearest Sharyn,

You are the light
You are the love
You are grace
You are a poet
You are an amazing mother, woman, and inspiration to us all.
You are strong
You are fierce
You are going to make it through this.
You are loved.

Peace to you today-
Audrey

Anonymous said...

Sharyn you always give me goose bumps. I hope for you all a warm and safe place in your heart and mind during the holidays. I would be more than happy to feed spud and the cat on chritmas day. Honestly i do it for another family that lives in orleans and a wouldn't mind at all taken a drive to wellfleet to care for your family members that you have to leave behind. Please take me up on this offer if your neighbors are gone. Love you so much. Do you have an adress for where you can recieve mail there? Let me know. Love Grace

Anonymous said...

dear sharyn,
i am only offering some suggestions as i know how debilitating the lack of sleep and anxiety can be...

i have been doing some alternative medicine of late which i know you are familier with, try these..

chinese herbal for helping you sleep... Bu Xin

homeopathic for taking a little bit of the edge off... ignatia amara

i can only imagine that you want to be by calebs side 24/7, but you also need to take care of you!!!!!!

as for all the last posts on celebrities visiting, i would vote for jessica lang because she might bring sam shephard in tow.. uuulala!!!!!
also you could discuss with her the magic of that secret red lipstick....

i am celebrating the winter solstice on saturday with my family and having 6 doz. wellfleet oysters shipped in as we are 2,000 miles away.. every one we shuck and tip back will be healing sent to caleb and you...

sending all my thoughts, energy, prayers..

Anonymous said...

Sharyn, you are beauty and strength under fire; I just wish it would leave you alone. You move me to tears, and I so wish I could help. I wish I could make you a pot of soup or a stiff drink. I wish I could hold you all and rock you. I wish I could clean your house, feed your animals; think of something wise and wonderful to comfort you. What I can do with every fiber of my being is be counted in the legions of Caleb's and your friends and supporters and wish for you healing and solace. And I do constantly.
Jackie

Anonymous said...

Its all ups and downs. This down is already leveling out and geeting ready for a rocket force up up and away. Hopefully Caleb will spend Christmas with the ones he loves best, his parents, brothers and girlfriend. Get some rest, Sharyn. Your energy is what surrounds him, make sure it can still feel some Christmas cheer.

Anonymous said...

Peace to you and your family tonight. I pray for you all daily, tonight I will also say a special prayer for some much needed sleep for you Sharyn. Sweet dreams will come your way.

Anonymous said...

Stay strong and as positive as you can....

Breathe

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharyn, I'm almost crying. You do not have to worry. You will be taken care of. Arms are around you holding you through this. Sleep while Caleb is sleeping. You could even catch up with him in your dreams. Go to a peaceful place with Caleb and have some time together. Everyone loves you so much!

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharyn,

So many candles are lit for you and Caleb in so many places, near and far. We are all still here for you.

Deep breaths, maybe some Reiki, a hot bath, then some sleep.

Sending you so much positive energy,

DD

Anonymous said...

This, too, shall pass... amen.

I have nothing to add...

Watching, hoping, praying with you every day.

Take good care of Caleb, and take good care of you, too.

With love,
Jerry G

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,

I am in a position right now, worrying about a health crisis where your very same words "This too shall pass' has become my mantra.
It WILL pass, and we CAN and DO get through. With no sleep and much worry, it becomes difficult to feel that and KNOW that.
Try to get some sleep, anyway you can. It will help you be able to lift yourself up and remember how much you and Caleb have been through and that you WILL be through this one soon too!!
Give your boy a hug from us- and yourself too!

The Kaplan Family in NY

Anonymous said...

Doesn't love just feel good on days like today?

Jeff- in the Berkshires said...

Sharyn it is clear you don’t need any advice. You know the pattern, you know Caleb, you know fatigue when it begins to set in. You find solace in your words and your grounding finds real-time metaphors that bring you home. Home is permanent , family is permanent , the support of those who love and care for you is permanent ……your experience here at MGH is temporary…..

My prayer for you is that you continue to find the thin spaces of refuge in this so unnatural world of MGH. That the sounds and feelings that remind you of home continue to be present and strong. This is the work of the great spirit; keeping you grounded and rooted in a place that is good for you, that is good for Caleb, Max and Kai. That restores you in a deep way that medicines can not reach. This is the same spirit that is in the sound of the wind and waves. It is the strength that we the many continue to send you. They rhythm of our prayers and our thoughts are many different ingredients of what we hope give you nourishment. A true pot-luck banquet. I also truly hope that you can rest.

Anonymous said...

is Brad Pitt there yet?
(I'm really trying)

Anonymous said...

My Dear Sweet Sharyn.....Let us carry you this night, let us be there for you in whatever way you need us, lay down your burdens, and be light....Let the wind carry you to that place of peace, serenity and total peace. Rest in the assurance that you are loved and that your beautiful boy, Caleb, is in the hands of the Almighty...pure Poetry and Perfection, and be at Peace........be at Peace this night, my Dear.

Bendiciones de mi alma,

Con todo carino,

Melinda

Anonymous said...

Oh Ms. Sharyn, you have weathered so much. You can do this. You write such beautiful, moving words, that move us all. We are all praying for you, all the bloggers in bloggerland. We are all wishing you and Caleb a peaceful sleep and a stronger tomorrow. Carry on Ms. Sharyn. You are not alone. This blog is one huge prayer circle. We've been in it since July and we aren't giving up until you and your sons are all at home together as one and living your lives as you should be. We are all out here. Here to lift your spirits and send you good will and anything else you may need. All you have to do is ask. I think Brad Pitt is on the Mass Pike!

Godspeed Ms. Sharyn
Mom in central MA

Anonymous said...

Sharyn,

Remember when there where no kids and there was no time to really have to get up in the morning. Life changes; the kids came, work came and the God Damn mail man keeps bringing the bills! So what do we do? Die 1000 deaths worrying about our kids, push the snooze button on the alarm and send Spudley to scare the mailman away! Isn't life grand! Let's decide one thing here....If we could do it all over again what would we do? Oh shit! Let’s not there. That story could go on forever! Johnny Depp is too young, Brad Pitt is too taken and Sylvester Stallone Oh F%&k! Let's not go there either! Fact of the matter is, we love our kids, we all have each other and we can't shoot the mailman! Some parts of the road are bumpy, some parts of the road are smooth and some parts you just can't go there. Moral of the story is.... Oh shit! Go with Johnny Depp….


Kevin

Anonymous said...

Sharyn, everythings been said. While you are sleeping, everyone else will be praying, you and Caleb are never alone.
Ali Manchester UK

Anonymous said...

How do you do it, Sharyn? Your words paint a picture and evoke emotions more real than any movie ever could! I just wish we could all shore you up the way your words do us.....continuing to send thoughts of strength and light your way, but feeling a bit guilty because I get so much more in return it seems from you and all the others on this blog. This is like the sixties all over again! Peace and love and light. It's a lovefest via internet. How cool is that???

Anonymous said...

Sorry, Sharon, Kevin just put Johnny Depp in my bag with the nips and scratch tickets for Xmas!
We were so happy to have Caleb at the Shop Party and know that you and yours will be back in Fleet better than ever. Keep the faith, Jane

Anonymous said...

Your words send chills down my spine. My heart beating even stronger after each word read. You know we are all here with you, even if right now you only feel our love through these posts. Its strange how love can transcend time and space. The internet and this blog has linked us all. Even from far we can instantly connect with each other. Stay strong Leb! Sharyn get some sleep, please take care of yourself. I’m glad Kai finished up this semester, congrats! Peace, love and healing to you all!
Kim