Christmas eve

Caleb is finishing his course of antibiotics and then it will be determined if he still needs to have another drain put back in. Seems his CSF fluid is finally being absorbed naturally as it should be- by the brain Yahooo!
I woke at about 3 am and have been captivated by a full(ish) moon peering down at us, me perched by the window and Caleb's chest rising and falling softly under the sheets. We have had a sleepless night - woken every hour on the hour by the room-mates bed alarm, then by the early cleaning man so I just decided to beat the coffee line and sit near my young man and share an intimate conversation with you.
It is one of those gifted mornings where I rise with a gratitude filled heart for all of you and for all that I have, and for who I am. I have grown into someone who I am finally beginning to like. It has taken me 54 years to get here, but the journey has been worth it. This walk has been full of pot holes and land mines and cow dung and I am realizing that stepping into the poo is what has lead me to where I am now: a woman of substance who has a long way still to go - but one who for the most part is willing to laugh along the way while trailing all my many flaws, like a long tail of toilet paper stuck on my shoe. This holiday will ever remain in my heart as I count out the gifts I have been given : the ones I cherish the most.
From Caleb I have gotten the giggles. No one can make me laugh like he does, nor piss me off and then just as quickly disarm me with his charm. Caleb has given me his heart, fully beating, wildly warm, pulsing and pleasing. He is pure, positive energy and is indeed the heartbeat of the family; the one who holds us all together like glue. He slams through the door like he is walking into a saloon and we feel drunk and a little crazed in his presence. He has taught me to not take myself and things in life so seriously.......Caleb has given me a lighter heart.
From Kai I have received the gift of purity. He is honest and kind, quiet and sincere. He is the Ed McMahon to Caleb's Johhny Carson - always willing to be in humble background and therefore is never overlooked. Kai does not settle - he strives for perfection and pushes himself to be a bit more than he was yesterday. He is Zen in his approach to life.
Simply put...by example, Kai makes me want to be a better person.
Max is the mirror that I get to look into. His pool full of big brown eyes calls me on everything and like the good poker player that he is, he is seldom wrong. He forces me in his silent, but deadly way, to look at my shit and to right myself as best I can. Max is a no frills, keep it straight kind of guy who grounds me. From Max I have learned about honesty and the possibility of being humble.
From you - My head swims with all the warm words of encouragement and I float atop the bubbles of kindness that have been presented.
From this laughing,humbled woman who is attempting to be a better mumsie I want to say - Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight. I love you.