Caleb's 26th

The skies threatened to pour down on us- but we were not having it---the Caleb Potter birthday party would go on..and on it did! Pizza at Chad's, lots of laughs, and a great effort on everyones part to be a part of it. When I am in this crowd of young men and women, just coming into their own, I experience a jello laugh which shakes from head to toe and reverberates till the night is final.

And today is full of more surprises... a well intentioned friend came by to drop treats and her dog killed my ever so little rooster..before his time... and it was a reminder to live each day as tho it could be the very last..we protected him as best we could for the month that he lived..but there are forces greater than us out there........and so it happened.

On the flip side, Max has met a darling young lady -- and the timing could not be better -- thanks to the powers that be! There is a smile plastered on his face from morn till night and a relief for me to know that at the time most needed ... he has a healthy distraction from the darkness.
In small, but healthy increments..we are pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps - Max's are builder's boots, mine are cowboy boots, Kai's are surfer's booties and Caleb is baring his soul through his bare souled feet.

I have been presented with the task of sorting boxes..some of Jan's and some of mine to make room for the things that the boys stake a claim to ....those which belonged to their father. So as I mentioned above the words .. "on the flip side" ...as I am becoming aware that there is always a flip side to everything and I want to remember this...... I was depressed for a bit thinking that a life in the end resorts to someone..perhaps anyone... pilfering through a box that once was a life. Photos, boy scout pins, money clips, coins, a small journal of a trip to Europe..... is this what our lives are reduced to? A box or two- a lousy box or two? Then I remembered the flip side ... all the people writing who have mentioned the many kindnesses of Jan, or the building project that Jan did for them - not just with a hammer and nails.. but with a flair and style..and soul - a Caleb kinda soul..an artistic soul .. a caring and an attention to detail...the extra time it takes to be special.......to be remembered.
And so I want to remember that our attention can be focused on the negative .. or the positive... one is not any more difficult or easier than the other- it is simply a matter of choice. i am still recklessly swimming to find the way upward toward the sunlight, and sometimes the water gets cloudy and I cannot seem to find my way....then something happens and I once again see cleary the path set for me- the direction to follow........when I come up for air I am determined to be mindful of the choice I am presented with. The rooster was killed, Caleb had a horrific accident, Jan took his life....... but Kai is surfing, Max is fishing, Caleb is on the mend, and I am sitting here with you.