Who I was before, I cannot recall. I have morphed into a new mother, a new woman, a new identity. I am lost in the fog as tho I am suddenly under witness protection , I have lost who it was I was before and I have become someone new who even I don't recognize and cannot at times find that I respond to my new real name.
This is tough..juggling a new born child at age 54, and children who are craving after their father with no guidance from the mother who is just barely holding it together enough to pay the bills and put meals on the table. This is a process, and one that I know we will pass through , but really, I have not had such a challenge ever in my life before.
Feelings come and go - and wash over me like soap bubbles that blow up to super size and make me laugh and then quickly pop and make me sink into dispair. I know that well intentioned people want us to move through this faster, but it will not happen at their pace, only ours...and I am sad to say that I, for one, have always been a slow learner.
My sister and I had a tandem yard sale this past week-end......at one point after hauling numerous boxes to and fro, she paused to examine her hand, and eeeeked out - damn - I broke a nail...at which point, I examined my fingers and thought to myself...I wish I had a nail to break.....and so isn't it how it goes. What one person has and cherishes...another views lustily and wishes it was hers. Are we always in this state of wanting -- or will there ever be a time when acceptance is accepted. Will there ever be a day when I will be happy with what is rather than what it is I want? Time is a timetable now.. and only time will tell.
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On the fourth of July, 2007 Caleb Potter was involved in a skateboarding accident.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
Adding Comments
Please feel free to add your comments to the blog. All you have to do is click on the number of comments at the bottom of one of the postings. Then write your comment in the box provided on the right side of the screen. Thank you to all of you who have been commenting so far; we're creating quite the community on here! Be well...
A BIG Thank You
In this season of giving thanks and celebrating family togetherness, I wish to extend a warm thank you to everyone who has been involved in a myriad of ways with my son, Caleb Potter, and his recovery. On July 4, he was involved in a skateboarding accident in our little hometown of Wellfleet on Cape Cod, that caused him serious injuries. He came home from Spaulding Rehab in Boston just before Thanksgiving. Through the blog we started:
http://calebpotter.blogspot.com/
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
http://calebpotter.blogspot
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
DONATIONS
THE CALEB POTTER
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
Official Information
If you have questions about calebpotter.blogspot.com,
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
For Sending Cards etc.
Caleb Potter
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
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13 comments:
I hope not Sharyn - what is, is what is, what we want, is what can be, or what will be, or what we want to be (but will not be)...at any rate, 'wanting' is a part of being alive and here - "I love everything just the way it is right now and I wish it will never change" - but it does! Even when things are at their best - we want!And that's a good thing!!
i agree, it is always there, the wanting.
for peace, for a new love, for more time, for long nails.... there is always something.
and if we didnt want for more, or different, we wouldnt be human.
you are doing the best you can... and that is all you can do.
time will tell :)
amy in ct
acceptance
1. The act or process of accepting.
2. The state of being accepted or acceptable.
3. Favorable reception; approval.
Tough definition. On one hand you want to accept what is going on right now and move ahead with it; to grow and see positive change moving forward; but if you do accept it then you may have to admit that this is all there is, maybe you will never get back who you were or who Caleb was.
Take your time Sharyn, it was a fast year for us, but we don't live "it" everyday. We don't wake up in the middle of the night longing for what was. Remember you are mourning a lost husband, a father to your children, and in some ways you are mourning part of your life that died on July 4, 2007.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other, shower, get sun, and do the best that you can. Your strong and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
J
Sharyn,
I still see the same girl I saw 30+ years ago...
I'm hanging on to that thought!
Kevin
Sharyn,
I don't think we ever DO stop wanting.....it's either in our nature,or in our culture - I'm not quite sure which-
For now, I hear your struggle and see that it is a slow and steady one. You ARE moving through things, and you're right - it can only be at YOUR pace - no one else's.
Getting back in touch with the Sharyn you were before all of this is a good goal - you need her for a reference point - you may very well find that the new and evolving Sharyn is the one you are happier with - the work is in in getting in touch with yourself -before life handed you these huge challenges and after -
I hope you are thinking about ways to carve out time for yourself - your boys DO need you, but they are capable of caring for themselves and giving you the space the to re-charge and be the best Mom and person you can be.
I know Caleb needs you - but he needs you re-charged and ready for life too.
It sounds like you need to gather up some folk who can back you up and give you some time to STOP - just STOP and be there for yourself - I KNOW that's not easy - but it's what your words tell me you need -my instinct may be off - but if not - DO IT.
It's often the best thing we can do for ourselves and everyone we love and take care of.
What seems selfish is not - it is necessary and the best thing for all involved.
Take care Sharyn -
We will be in Wellfleet this coming Saturday - I would LOVE to say Hi.......we will be on Gross Hill Rd.....how to get in touch?
Kevin Scalley, I love your response to Sharyn. It's simple, uplifting, and unwaveringly hopeful. Can't beat that, and I won't try.
Sending you and your sons virtual hugs, Sharyn, on this glorious and radiant Wellfleet day.
NY/Wellfleet Mom
I think we should talk. Anne will vouch for me, as will Cedar, and lovely Sky. Been thru as much, older and wise. You may find it fun. :)
Marianne
Email @ quinn55@verizon.com.....AFTER you check me out!
My very wise friend said to me once when I had lost my way,
"Feed your children, clean your home. . ."
I have clung to your advice even after my children were grown and I no longer had a home. It has served me well. Those two actions centered me, reminded me of who I was. Now I am the child I feed, and wherever I am is home. El
Mornin' Sharyn,
The simple pleasures are still there for enjoying, the starry night, your flowers, ocean breezes, fog. I hope they bring you comfort. It hasn't been long since your two big traumas, and there's no speeding things along.
All in good time... and time is really on your side and on Caleb's.
As I always do, I wished on last night's brilliant star show, for blessings for our children and the world they are inheriting, for you and yours, and for peace.
janet
Dear Sharyn,
As I left the Berkshires this morning the hills were shrouded in clouds and mist and rain hiding the beauty that is so brilliant in the brightness of sun. The bleakness is depressing and the seemingly endless run of rain and clouds is inevitably having an impact and changing the terrain. But this will change and the sun will eventually return.
I too believe that your fog will clear and that when it has parted an evolved beauty is reveiled to you that others have known all along is there. How long it takes for that to happen is how long it takes for it to happen. It can't be rushed or willed by good intentions just as I or others can't will the fog and mist to part the hills and the sun to return.
You are facing challenges that many of us have never imagined let alone experienced. How you navigate this is how you navigate this, the best you can. There is also a big difference between a slow learner and someone who is deliberate in considering of options and direction and other people's needs, though the two might to others appear the same. Navigating slowing in a fog without a road map or gps is not being slow its being smart.
I don't know if we ever become completely happy with what is rather than what we wish could be, especially when it comes to our children and especially when it has much to do with well-being and nothing to do with envying someone elses toys. Isn't that what hope is all about?
This novel is far from over and Kevin has that clear image of what is beneath the fog and we all have faith that the fog will clear.
Sending you good thoughts.
Sharyn,
You will continue to grow in your new direction and will embrace it fully and will begin to recognize yourself once again in the mirror. This is all part of the recovery process.
I love it, Kevin sees the same old girl he saw 30 years ago, your kids see the Mom they've always known, only stronger; and we bloggers acknowledge an incredible woman who inspires us and humbles us and reminds us of our humanity. I second the oft repeated mantra, "write a book" Sharyn. (By the way, it was great meeting you, Kevin. Wish you had been sitting outside for lunch the day I came by, Sharyn). I don't have any words of wisdom to add, only want you to know we're out here; listening and learning and loving and as always, sending thoughts of love and healing.
Gail Hunter (South Shore Mom)
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