Summer has caught me up in it's tremendous sweep of energy...and we have been occupied....and very much so in a good way.
Caleb seems to have greater depth of understanding each day, and his memory does continue to improve. He can remember the things which were important to him in his past, but can just as easily forget that he just ate breakfast a minute ago...it is as if he chooses to not clutter his already cluttered brain with unnecessary information. I think he is brilliant! I have been giving myself permission to change, and to not feel guilty about Caleb's life ....a not so easy thing to do for mother's who love. I am now concentrating on losing the mashed potato weight from Caleb's hospital days,...so Caleb and I are walking, biking and eating better. It is funny to me that in times of stress, we often slip away from those things which can so easily make us feel better--exercise for one...solitude for another... a walk in the woods, a dip in the pond, holding hands and silently gazing at the stars.
I am carefully picking out of the day the things that I want to do
The boys and I have a trip to Maine scheduled for the 8th of this month, and will be staying at a seaside rustic cabin, where kayaks will be our only distraction, aside from just being together. I am beginning to slowly re-learn to appreciate life in all it's wondrous glory..with all of it's questions and all of it's answers, with all of it's surprises and all of it's certanties, with all of it's ups and all of it's downs.
I look forward to looking back on this phase of my life with a renewed desire for life, knowing that it was born out of such tragedy, and knowing that the contrast has caused me to grow to higher heights. We are moving forward, somtimes at a snails pace and sometimes with a blast...but either way, I am more, than not concentrating on what I have instead of what I do not, and I am finding my way.