On the fourth of July, 2007 Caleb Potter was involved in a skateboarding accident.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.

Monday, March 30, 2009

April fools day

Hard to believe that one year has gone by since riding in the car and getting the phone call about Jan!
April fools day was a special day to us when Jan and I were married. Actually before we were married and shacking up together..I pulled the usual tricks on him..tied shoes, celephane on the toilets, rubber band around the rinser at the kitchen sink. I called a truce by pulling him in close and kissing him with both hands on either side of his face. What he did not know was that I had soaked my palms with green food coloring, donned some gloves immediately, drove to the light house restaurant and watched with delight as people stared at him and poked fun while he struggled with what had gone wrong. Another year he retaliated by planting a full water balloon in the fridge, bulging with the expectancy of spilling at my feet. However I opened and closed the door to get the cream for my coffee so quickly that the balloon remained....perched in emergency. When finally I re-opened ...the balloon fell softly, bouncing several times on the floor, rolled to Jan.....He picked it up..hucked it at me, where upon I caught it and threw it back bursting at the seams and soaking his exhausted attempts. Those were the days of love and laughter.
That was the energy that created three sons.
Caleb still asks for his dad, and I still struggle, like the balloon, in the telling of the tale.

On this day...To my sons I would like to say...all of our life comes to us in narrative form; it's the story we tell. Change the story and you change your life. Do not tell the story of how hurt you are that he is gone, but instead speak of how much you have learned from him. Do not speak of how you cringe when someone else speaks of their father, but cherish and proudly shout out about who he was to you in the short time you shared his life. Tell the tale of how he affected you in positive ways ...speak of his kindness and of his energy. Speak of his stregth, that is now inherently yours. Like inscense and the past tense, he is gone..and yet he remains in you in so many ways. Hear him in the wind, ride upon his strong shoulder when you crest a wave, hear his pounding heart with the rhythm of your hammer. He remains..he remains...always in love with you as I witnessed in his eyes when he first held you. It would be one of the few moments where he let down his guard and loved fully. Change your story about your father..be proud and hold your heads up high knowing that you took from him all of his best attributes, all of his qualities that will be remembered. He lives on in you. Be mindful..and remember his goodness...you too are loved just as well. Take the wondrousness of it all to a place you can call home.. And I too will chersih him for you. Your mother.

28 comments:

amy in ct said...

Beautifully said sharyn
As always.....
I understand what you are saying because I have said similar words to my son about his father.
It is a tough road to travel but I think we are doing well.
So good to hear you ‘write’
amy

Lisa K. said...

If every mother counseled her child this way, the world would anchor itself ever closer to the radiant sun. You are a gift. Thinking of all you and senidng you love at this time -- love, Lisa K.

justjane said...

Every post astounds me Sharyn, but the essence of your soul and the wisdom of your healing words are surfacing from the depths of your former sorrows. You are now!

Lilz said...

Sharon,
You are an honorable woman. This post is straight from your soul. Thank you for continuing to write on this blog. We are always here, reading, responding, connecting with you. Your efforts are greatly appreciated.

Much Love,
Lily

Amy said...

Beautiful thoughts, beautifully written. Sharon, I am sorry I have not posted in a while. I always read, but have not been focused enough to write my own response. My heart is always with you, even if my keyboard is quiet.

Kevin Scalley said...

Sharyn,

Wonderfully said!

Kevin

Claus said...

Sharyn,
What a wonderful message. I was thinking about Jan on my drive to work today and wondering what kind of a day it will be for you all tomorrow. You have all chosen to embrace, love, life and laughter. Some days are tougher than others, but that is the bottom line in your house. You are a great teacher.
Lots of love from my house to yours.
Claus

Gail Hunter said...

A beautiful picture painted of young love, the kind of love that created those soulful sons. We would all treasure those images of our own parents. You continue to nourish your children and us as you share these beautiful moments. As always, thank you, Sharyn.

Cathie said...

Sharyn,

Those are strong, beautiful, helpful words. Very comforting.

I will have Jan's favorite handout comfort food at MidCape Wednsday a.m.-anyone is welcome to stop by.

Cathie

jff said...

a true mother's words to help her children make sense of life..I always found that we eventually remember and extract the good to remember and keep with us.

NY/Wellfleet Mom said...

You have given your sons wonderful advice, Sharyn.

I'm thinking of all of you.

NY/Wellfleet Mom

Kim Harris said...

Sharyn, your words are truth, your strength is unbelievable. My thoughts are with you guys!
Love,
Kim

janet said...

I respect your advice, and your heartwarming take on this year's journey on the bumpy road back to joy. Thanks for sharing this beautiful love letter to your family, and to life.
Bless you.

peg said...

You could not have given better advice to you wonderful sons. Or painted a more beautiful picture of the love that created them. They are so fortunate to have your strength and wisdom to guide them down the sometimes difficult path that is life.
My best to you all,
As always, with hope,
peg from PA

Elizabeth B. said...

Sharyn,
Peter and I have been thinking about Jan all week. As today approached, and the kids were plotting their jokes, fart machines in hand, all I thought of was Jan. Your advise is so right on - it's magical. I'm so glad you've shared it with us too.

Much love,
Elizabeth and family

Roberta said...

Your words soared and made me cry.
Roberta in Wellfleet

Sky said...

Ch said....

Greetings....on this the 1st of April....just back from a 9am.....uh....surf check at newcombs....and to sing our hearts.....and memories....a few regrets....AND our thanks.....to Jan ...to you 4....and MORE (saw spud's feetprints in the sand.....and an incredible flash of Morning sunlight on the wave faces....out..out....well...out in the line-up....off to the the right.....at Newcomb's....)

a short/long year.....Deb and I have our Life together to be thankful for ...in Jan's behalf/behest....in a round-about....circuitous...and VERY DIRECT kinda way!!!! THIS morning i DID NOT paddle out....I had the chance to ....and the option to choose NOT ....to paddle out...and wait for another day...a little less blown out.....on a rising tide...perhaps with a little more sun.....I/we are SO grateful for our choices...our LIFE....our chances at sharing this life....Love and light to Potters/Lindsays ....all!! We are a VERY big...and big-hearted CIRCLE.....love and light!ly...ch/dad...and deb giza...

----and the rest of a VERY sweet April to ALL in this "digital fire-circle"----

haley.jane said...

My thoughts are with you all today... And everyday.

Love you so much. Haley

jess said...

Beautiful Sharyn! Thinking of you and your boys today and always remembering what an amazing man Jan was! love, Jess

Marcia said...

You are in our thoughts, prayers and hearts today and everyday.

hugs,
marcia

Neil said...

Sharyn,

Well said, you remain true to yourself and your sons. Our thoughts are with you today and always,

Love Neil and Carrie

Donna said...

Hi Sharyn,
It's been so long since I wrote on the blog. Thank you for sharing this with us. I know the boys will cherish all the great times Jan gave them, and you too.
Thinking about you all....
love Donna

loren said...

You continue to amaze me Sharyn, thank you for sharing your soul with us!

Sending you and the boys lots of love today, and always.

Loren XOXO

Erin G said...

Thank you for this beautiful, inspiring post. As a mom of three sons, you really help me with your perspective and I think of you as a mom SO often.
Erin

Samantha Garbers said...

Sharyn,
We were thinking of you and the boys yesterday. Sending you a virtual hug.

Jerry G said...

Beautifully stated, as always, Sharyn. I truly believe that we *are* our parents, in a very real and literal way; and in that sense they do live on.

Wishing you continuing strength, love, and peace.

Jerry

grace said...

Sharyn what beautiful memories you have created and shared with all of us, you sure know how to laugh and to Love

penny on st.john said...

Dear Sharyn,
I can only imagine how the memories of a year ago must be tugging at your heart and the hearts of the boys but the fact that you express happy memories is wonderful and positive. Whatever you say or write is always meaningful. I think of life sometimes as a weird balancing act. You have good balance!

Love and best wishes,

Penny