I sit alone most nights now, I polish off a bottle of wine and think about the past when all was good..I know that I should be happy that Caleb is alive, but I miss the old him so much..I cry myself to sleep and wake at 2 am till about 5. I remind myself, to no avail, that things could be worse....but I do not feel that the way I should.
I met a new aquaintance today at he swap with her beautiful, in tact son, and I was embarrassed to introduce Caleb, who before I would have delighted in..and would have been so proud of...and now, all I feel is lack! I think the newness of all of this is wearing off, and the stark truth is setteling in..and I am sad beyong belief! Do not instuct me to be counciled, I am beyond this... I will not check out - but I will feel this grief beyond measure, and hopefully, I will emerge a better, stronger person...It is all we could ever ask for...just to be stronger!
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On the fourth of July, 2007 Caleb Potter was involved in a skateboarding accident.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
Adding Comments
Please feel free to add your comments to the blog. All you have to do is click on the number of comments at the bottom of one of the postings. Then write your comment in the box provided on the right side of the screen. Thank you to all of you who have been commenting so far; we're creating quite the community on here! Be well...
A BIG Thank You
In this season of giving thanks and celebrating family togetherness, I wish to extend a warm thank you to everyone who has been involved in a myriad of ways with my son, Caleb Potter, and his recovery. On July 4, he was involved in a skateboarding accident in our little hometown of Wellfleet on Cape Cod, that caused him serious injuries. He came home from Spaulding Rehab in Boston just before Thanksgiving. Through the blog we started:
http://calebpotter.blogspot.com/
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
http://calebpotter.blogspot
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
DONATIONS
THE CALEB POTTER
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
Official Information
If you have questions about calebpotter.blogspot.com,
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
For Sending Cards etc.
Caleb Potter
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
MORE POSTS!
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15 comments:
hang in there sharyn. I know you have your ups and downs and you always seem to rise up to the top. and like the tides, these feelings will rise and fall as time goes on and you will be a better person and you will always have us to vent to... as long as you continue to do so.
amy in ct
Oh Sharyn, the anguish in your voice is heartbreaking, and I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. There are no platitudes that can help, no advice or cliched comforts that can ease your sorrow. I wish I could come over and just wrap you up in a loving embrace....that is all I have to offer you, the knowledge that I am holding you in my heart and sending you strength and peace. I know you won't give up and that you will clear this rough patch and come out the other side with the grace you have shown these past years. We walk beside you, we will be there when you falter, we will catch you when you fall. Believe in us, we are all here and we believe in you.
As always, with hope and love, and open arms,
peg from PA
Sharyn, I know better than to try to change your feelings, so I'll just tell you about something I saw today. I was in 'Fleet just for the day to 'fluff the pillows' for incoming tenants. Was driving down Main St around 2:30-ish and saw a little black truck driving toward me. Just as I passed by, it was pulling into a parking space at the curb. I thought nothing of it, a normal looking guy driving a truck... till I got right up side by side and saw that it was Caleb driving! Our windows were both open and my first instinct was to yell his name, but in the split-second calculus in my head, I decided not to risk distracting him, and besides, he wouldn't know who the hell I was anyway. My point here is that it was just a totally normal looking, unremarkable scene... and you have to know how much beauty there is in that. [BTW, there's maybe a 1% chance that the person I was was someone else... but I really don't think so.]
I am so, so sorry to read about what you're feeling now. I hope, and honestly believe, that you will get past this rough patch and will succeed ultimately in accepting what is. You have many, many friends and I hope you count me among them. If you reach a point where you think it might help to talk through this thing, my offer stands... you have my number.
Wishing for you continued strength... as always,
Jerry
Sharyn, My heart breaks for you. I understand what you are saying and how you feel. I also have no words of wisdom and would never presume to give advice. Just know that what you are feeling is understandable. Put one foot in front of the other and take it just one step at a time. We are all still here listening.
Amy from western MA
I think that most of us who check in here are fixers. We want things to be right and just and to help out when they aren’t. Your are correct in that we just can’t give you the magic suggestion that will make things better, make you feel differently, make things differently with Caleb.
I am not going to rationalize or suggest that you should feel differently or that as time passes you will. It is not my place and I do not know. We can’t feel your grief, we can’t feel what you feel when you meet someone and are in the situation of introducing Caleb. We can try to relate from our own portfolio of experiences, but we will always come up short. I know that after a certain point, kindly advice is no longer kindly.
As I have said here a few times in the past, sometimes life dumps a load of shit and nothing we or anyone can do to make it smell better. Only time and fresh air will make it into compost. You’ve had one hell of a load of shit dumped on your path.
This all said, we continue to do what we can, which is to walk with you along your journey. Listen when you wish to speak or just be with you in silence. The journey is yours and while we might seek to lessen the sharpness of the rocks along the path, we can’t.
I often experience waking for a few moments at around three in the morning. The thinness of time, the transition of night to day…I do not know. But to me this has always seemed sacred time and I have long believed that in these thin spaces, the great spirit is always present. In the stillness of these moments I always say a short prayer or blessing and often they have included you and your family. Knowing now that you may be awake at this time I will be sure to send you good thoughts. I also urge those who read this to do the same during these early hours.
Sharyn, my concern is for you at this time and only you. It is my wish for you that this grief that is hovering over you like the grayest of smog and that makes it difficult to breath, not block out the life that is within. That the presence of the great spirit that I feel in these early hours keeps you company and sits with you in the quiet of the night.
Peace
Beautifully and eloquently said, Jeff in the Berkshires.
Sharyn, please know that you and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.
NY/Wellfleet Mom
Sharyn,
I appreciate your honesty. My beautiful, intelligent, love of my life four - year - old son is a pediatric stroke survivor. I am embarrassed sometimes when people find out about it. Does that sound terrible? It probably does to those who haven't been through it. I am not in any way embarrassed of my son. Rather, I am embarrassed of the "monster," that "thing" that sometimes masks his wonderful gifts to those who can't look past his weakness, and the fact that there was nothing I could do to protect him from it. It does get easier, and I would like to say that the pain will go away, but I think I would be lying if I did. After three years, I still struggle emotionally to wrap my brain and heart around our "new" life.
Know that I'm keeping you and Caleb in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.
- JB in Sandwich
Hang in there, Sharyn....we are all out here pulling for you, Caleb and your boys. You have mustered the strength to come this far and FAR you all have come! Just know we are here for you, thinking, praying and sending good vibes your way. May you find the comfort and peace that you & your family so richly deserve! xo Dana & Mike, Diamond Point, NY
Sharyn, Sometimes it is what it is and you just need to be with it. It sucks and I am deeply sorry. Thinking of you. Risa in Needham
Jeff, your words give me strength during my own challenging time. Thank you.
Im with u through this pain Sharyn, i can barely pick myself up from the ground. I hope soon we can just hug and cry and then smile that we have eachother, love u
Sharyn, I could not be more grateful for your honesty and example. I do pray that your openness with us allows us to share in the weight of all you carry. You help all mothers, and the rest of us as well, remember to be true to all sides of ourselves. We are here for the walk with you and Caleb -- love, Lisa K.
I hope this isn't the wrong thing to say but I am going to say it anyway. It is possible that some of what you are feeling has to do with the time of life you are in. Unfortunatly women reach this time of life just when the shit usually hits the fan, forgive my French. Sleeplessness, feeling blue plus real reasons to feel this way can be confusing. You can feel that you are really losing your mind when in fact a little hormonal adjustment might solve those feelings. Just a suggestion. I agree with Jeff that we are all probably people who want to fix things.
No words. Just a hug if you want it.
In Fleet, so just call me.
dearest sharyn as you know i have spent countless days and nights shareing our grief over these last few years.we have cried in eachothers arms and you have listened to me when i needed to vent.when uncle frank passed i immediatly went to your house.i would like to comment on your last blog and a reoccuring theme in these spaces.first off,and i am sorry if this stings or maybe i should confront you in person,instead of in front of the world,but you are not the only one who should hear this,there is no old or new caleb.caleb is .he shall be.and he will be.who among us doesnt age,mature,get fat,slow down or get confused?as for you being embaressed by caleb i truly pity you.many people have confronted about why so many people came out for the prayer circles,why so many resturaunts and organazations had fund raisers or why people made such a big deal about this kid from little ole wellfleet.they obviously never met the bill.when you first meet caleb,escpecailly when you are new or alone he would single you out,grab you give you a big ole pirate hug and immediatly make you his new best friend.he makes you feel special,he makes you feel like the image in your mind of how you wish other would percieve you.in other words he makes you feel cool,he makes you feel welcome,he makes you feel like you want to feel.true.real.loved.sorry if you cant see that,but spend as much time with him as i can and he is caleb.caleb is him.the second thing i would like to bring up is how people around town and also you in a way are useing caleb for thier self loatheing.as you know three weeks ago i confronted one of calebs best friends on why he doesnt come by to see bill or even call him,his number hasnt changed as you know.i said how caleb loves him so much and even idolizes him.this person immediatly got up and walked away,i followed and tried to gwet some dialouge out of this usually talkitive person but to no avail he ran away.i wish i could run away from things that arent easy,that confuse or frighten me,but i cant,its not right.and as you know i was confronted two days later by another of calebs dearest and trusted friends in front of eight other people saying how wrong it was of me to do what i did to the first friend.we got into a heated debate infront of all these people,on the verge of an arguement when this person in thier defense said he would love to come by and see caleb,but it was to hard.at that point i saw red,i immediatly ended the debate by saying that i respect his opinion but i have to disagree with it.its to hard.to hard.difficult? what i wanted to say was you arrogant fuck,you little piece of shit,you self serveing,self centered,self pitying asshole.how dare you.under the light of day you stand before god and tell me its to hard to visit or call a friend.fuck you.do you know what the hardest thing i do is everyday.when i wake up i have to get out of bed.thats it.every thing else is gravey.dont tell me whats hard.i spend time with caleb,i see hard in his effort everyday,he doesnt quit,he doesnt runaway,he does.he always has and always will.i'm sorry if i'm out of line but i love caleb and you and everyone bills life has effected{and thats been everyone hes met}to much to tell me its to hard.nothing easy is ever worth two shits.thats the truth,my whole life for you,truly timmy
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