What is it I am made of? I hurt like old worn shoes..but I am still here, living and loving every day. At night I still find time to cry into downy feathers with a storm in my heart, but in the day I often laugh, and in spite of myself, I still see joy wherever I look. Babie's eyes connect in passing, as if we share a secret or two - and I send them off with a blessing of long life, no harm! Wonderful friends, old and new, approach with kind words or warm hugs. People I never would have met, had it not been for Caleb, are now cememnted in my life, and together they help to rebuild me , to piece me together like the scarecrow in the "Wizard". I am grateful for each day that Caleb and I stroll the streets of Wellfleet, arc over the avenues of life and meander through the meadows of our minds . I am learning so much from this journey..how to be grateful, how to be forgiving, how to look at things with a fresh outlook, not to sweat the little things. It is so dificult to not look back, to not yearn for my "lost Boy". It takes every ounce of energy I have each day to stay focused on what is, rather than what is not, or what could be... I miss him so very much...I bleed sometimes from the loneliness of him..These feeling are like verbs..they create action in my system and pain me. But I crawl out of the shawdows into the daylight and I feel that I must trust in the unknown,in the mysteries of life. What is it I am made of? I hope it is of dreams lost and then dreams found.