When life sends you easy breezes and laughter - take it and cherish it. I do think we need to have these times as a rest and a reprieve for the times when life sends us it's twists and turns. And life does do this. But I am beginning to think that we have it backwards.. we cherish the happy times and recoil in horror at the dark and uncertain hours.... I now understand that we need to look at this differently. It is in the hard times that life beckons for us to become who it is that life has called for us to be. With Caleb's accident all sorts of rockets of desire have been sent forth...good health..a bigger me - a bigger him...a more centered Max and a more complete Kai. We are all finding our way. It is a strange dichotomy. I want my old life back, realize I cannot, under any circumstances have it, and move forward with a semi guilty, positive outlook. Guilty because I feel I am leaving Caleb behind, positive because I am finding almost a new, renewed and better me in all of this. Could it be that on another level Caleb and I agreed to a pact of sorts where he said..... I will come to you and be your child and I will live with deliberatenous and generosity and I will fill everyone I meet with laughter and love in my short 25 years? My life will be more of a life than most people will experience in over a span of 75 years and you will love me more than you could ever know ......and then you will lose what you knew of me.... and in doing so I will give you the gift of finding yourself. It is the only thought that keeps me sane. I rest tonight with this thought in my loneliness and I feel better knowing that Caleb continues to gift us with his effervesence and his widows peak and his contagious smile........ and his proclivity for life.