home in fleet

We are back home! Our journey was just like a microcosm of life itself....sometimes it was fullfilling and whole, sometimes it was disjointed. It was damp and cloudy and our thoughts were congested, then the sun would break through and it was clear that all was right in the world. We traveled 2000 miles and we got it all- all the bumps in the road, along with all the benefits.

No trip is complete without it's dangers ..and we had ours ...at a darkened campsite in Nova Scotiaa at around two am, I woke to the sound of a bear in the campsite. I could not remember putting the fruit basket away and was certain he was drawn to the smell of ripe pears. I listened and assesed that he must be hangin in front of the truck, milling around...I called to Kai who was a few feet away. He too was awake and listening...then came the rustle of Max, equally concerned. Within moments - we were standing in our amoured underwear, Kai with his machette, Max with his bow knife, and me with no weapon at all, "cept" for a bra that I considered unsnapping to use as a slingshot, perched and ready like sentries on guard and in front of Caleb's tent.

We listened for what felt like an eternity , waiting for the charge, till we finally figured out that it was the sound of a very large man who was snoring in the tent across from us. But never was a mother so proud!

The scenery was breathtaking, the pause in our lives, necessary!
Our time together was not as it was in the past. Things have changed, and we were not willing to talk about it, but we were all privy to it, keenly aware. The laughter was strained, and a little too loud. The conversations were deep, but a little too distant..

Jenny is leaving for Boston tomorrw to resume a life which is badly needed. She has been a trooper throughout and I admire her for being with Caleb as long as she has...we wish her the best and bestow blessings....

I felt it on the way back - the overwhelming feeling that nothing had changed- we were coming home to the same situation and life would go on as before...the before in our new way. At one point Caleb leaned into me and said " Are we taking pops back with us ?' No honey, I whispered.
" But he was here a minute ago". Yes, Caleb - I am sure he was, I parleyed....and believed.
And in that metered moment I found I was envious of him..... for Caleb lives in a world where Jan is still with us, they both are fine and we are surrounding and adoring him....and we are all happy!
but Kai and Max and I live a different kind of life...one that will be dissimilar from this time forward --- we are home!


" Do not go where the path may lead, but go instead where there is no path,...and leave a trail."