I'm feeling a bit like yeast lately...the kind you measure into a bowl and add warm water..the kind that is alive, growing, changing. Life now has taken on a different quality and along with the promise of fall comes the promise that we go on as well. We are different now..Kai, Max and I...and I am feeling deep into my soul where a certain understanding has moved over me ...like a cloud covering the sun for a bit....we cannot go back, we cannot go back. Forward is the only way now. I want Caleb back..I want to feel my heart lighten as he drives up the drive with clam baskets in hand and a smile in his heart. I do believe it takes this long ( or perhaps I am a slow learner) to realize in the depths of one's being that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how many promises to God you can make...your son is not coming back the way he was ...and I miss him terribly. Like a shadow, his memory pierces and floods over me even as the sun is out.
I have been busy trying to figure out a way in which Caleb can have a richer life. I will not always be here for him..his brother's need to have a separate life, his friends no longer exist but for a very few. I am devising a plan which will allow Caleb to live in his beloved Wellfeet, perhaps have other friends who are more like him living with him, and a freer existence from me. Things are changing..he now drives to the Library a couple of days a week, by himself..and works with a dear friend of mine in the childrens section of the building. But he is sad..wonders where everyone is, and is bewidered by his circumstances. Can any one thing crush a mother's heart more?
I have been contemplating Jan's choice and have known that for us..the remaining family, it is simply not an option, really never has been.....we must go on..we must perservere..we must find some semblance of justice in all of this.....we must find our way.
I realize that writing it out is the way for me to heal...so I thank you for following even when we are down, even when we are up, and even when we are like yeast..changing and growing...alive!
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On the fourth of July, 2007 Caleb Potter was involved in a skateboarding accident.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
Adding Comments
Please feel free to add your comments to the blog. All you have to do is click on the number of comments at the bottom of one of the postings. Then write your comment in the box provided on the right side of the screen. Thank you to all of you who have been commenting so far; we're creating quite the community on here! Be well...
A BIG Thank You
In this season of giving thanks and celebrating family togetherness, I wish to extend a warm thank you to everyone who has been involved in a myriad of ways with my son, Caleb Potter, and his recovery. On July 4, he was involved in a skateboarding accident in our little hometown of Wellfleet on Cape Cod, that caused him serious injuries. He came home from Spaulding Rehab in Boston just before Thanksgiving. Through the blog we started:
http://calebpotter.blogspot.com/
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
http://calebpotter.blogspot
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
DONATIONS
THE CALEB POTTER
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
Official Information
If you have questions about calebpotter.blogspot.com,
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
For Sending Cards etc.
Caleb Potter
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
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14 comments:
Hi Sharyn-
I've been quietly reading your blog since September 2007 when I vacationed in Wellfleet and saw the Caleb Potter signs everywhere and had to find out who this Caleb Potter kid was! :)
I sent a letter of well wishes to Caleb awhile back when you first requested mail for him.
I'm assuming Caleb has been connected to SHIP? Mass Rehab provides all sorts of independent living supports for folks with acquired head injury. In the event you haven't been directed to this resource, you can find info here:
http://www.mass.gov/?pageID=eohhs2terminal&L=6&L0=Home&L1=Consumer&L2=Disability+Services&L3=Services+by+Type+of+Disability&L4=Head+Injury&L5=Available+Services&sid=Eeohhs2&b=terminalcontent&f=mrc_c_ship_cbs&csid=Eeohhs2
I work with a young man (I'm a clinical social worker for the state) with an illness-related brain trauma. He is about Caleb's age and I've see the loneliness and confusion he has faced as his world has changed, friends have gone and moved on, and he has to find his own, new way in the world. There is a wisdom and strength that comes from such an illness or injury and I think you see that in Caleb and it's making you a stronger and better person. He's a gift you'll always treasure.
Dear Sharyn,
You are not a slow learner! I don't know how you could ever resign yourself to the fact that Caleb will not be as he once was. That in itself is more than anyone can comprehend. You are all in a different place and the adjustment seems overwhelming. Can you ever accept what is? I wish I knew and could say all the right things.
I think about all of you every day and wish you as much happiness as can be had during this time of forever healing. And so it goes.
Love and very best wishes,
Penny
You and your family are in my thoughts always. You have such a strong community in Wellfleet, Caleb will never be alone.
J
Ah Sharyn, Coming to some sort of accommodation with a situation like yours is bound to take a long time.
It takes many years to become proficient at any thing new whether it be learning to play a musical instrument , paint a landscape, grow a beautiful garden or learn a new way of life. We are not experts immediately. We have to learn to read the music, mix the colors, nurture the plants, and change our way of thinking.
I think you are doing a wonderful job of it. Your sadness is palpable, and it pains me to see that it is still so raw, but you are moving forward, you are making plans for the future, and this Caleb will be a part of that future. There are many things to look forward to, many blessings that are still to come. I wish you heart's ease, my friend. We are all still here right beside you.
As always, with hope,
peg from PA
Sharyn,
I am just back from 2 weeks in Wellfleet....our paths crossed more than once...but I realized it was you each time...a few seconds too late to wave, call out or stop my car! We met last year over coffee at Wicked Oyster...a conversation between 2 moms I will never forget.....I also saw your beautiful Kai having breakfast one day...with a lovely girl....he looked happy...he looked like he was busy living his life....and you looked like you were living yours.....we all walk along in our lives..doing our best to live with what we have....The crazy circumstances life has brought to us...I can't drive down Commercial St. and not think about Caleb...and how that accident changed so much. I know you are still struggling and you WILL find your way...and help Caleb to find his way....you WILL.
I wish now I had called, or left my card in your mailbox...but at the time, my sense was to not disturb the rhythm of your days .... to just hold you in my thoughts as I treasured my time in that most unique town...the town that feels like home to my heart... I thought I would leave you to just keep on living your life and I would just keep on sending my love and light from New York...and I am!
Dearest Sharyn -
I've been quiet, but we're still here...and our ranks have grown. My Hannah and her Johnny welcomed a daughter on August 20th. Frances Mae Miley - Frankie - came gently and quietly into the world (her grandmother privileged to be present!) and took root in all of our hearts instantly. I had become a bit lost in the grind of work and the struggle to make ends meet in a new, rather hostile, economy...had drawn inward a bit and was marking life in days completed as opposed to challenges and blessings to look forward to.
My relationship with Hannah has turned a corner..we have new territory in common...My daughter is someone's mother! And I have a renewed sense of the wonder that exists everywhere in the world around me...around us.
I wish this same re-awakening for you and Caleb, a renewed sense of wonder that appears when you least expect it and need it the most.
Please know that, despite the silences, we are still here and still sending you our hearts every day.
As always, as ever, BIG love to you all,
Susan
(signing in a bit differently today - where I am usually "susan in portsmouth" - I'm using the URL
for a new art project/blog that I've been working on)
Sharyn,
Follow your instincts!
;-))
Kevin
Sharyn,
Your achingly beautiful way with words, conveys the deep pain in your mothers heart. As you feel this pain, so much is happening, with and without your effort, to propel you and Caleb to a great,interesting and rich future.
Squirming around in my own grief these days, I am constantly aware of trying to find a place of comfort with all the changes. Somedays it is there, somedays, not. I find myself just being grateful for the ability to get through each day, and to see the beauty brought about by the loss.
I wish you peace.
PS....Thank you Erin for that wonderful information about SHIP.
Sharyn, as is so often the case, others have posted thoughts here that mirror my own. It's particularly sad to read of Caleb's sadness and loneliness. Can you think of anything that we might be able to do to help with that?
Sharyn,
As Jerry so aptly put it, others have beautifully said what many of us feel in our hearts. Is there anything we can do? Sending you love.
Wonderful things are made with yeast.
Sending positive thoughts your way each and every day,
NY/Wellfleet Mom
Mmmm...wonderful things like great-grandma's butterhorns...and it's finally cool enough to bake. This talk of yeast brings wishes for leavening, levity, lightheartedness for you and Caleb, Kai and Max. Life is still good! This transitional season always seems to bring sadness along with beauty, back-to-school blues, but excitement as well. Caleb's library job could be like school...and what a great way to keep learning! So glad that you continue writing about the ups and downs and growing pains of your family's journey. Please let us know how/if/when we can help. (Would Caleb still like to get mail?)
with love,
janet
hello from ct
sorry it has been so long, i am so damn busy these days but still think of you all every day.
i think it is heartbreaking the way that you have to watch your son loose friends and try to find his way...
but i also think it is wonderful that you are trying to set him up in a living situation that will suit his needs and wants.
i wish you all the luck in the world and i KNOW you can do it!!
take care
amy in ct
It is very sad and almost unthinkable that Caleb, who was always such a loyal true friend and had so many friends, is for one minute lonely. What a shame. But he will find his way. I think the living situation idea is a great one and worth pursuing. He has a great friend in you, always thinking about how you can help him make his situation better. Good for Erin offering a practical suggestion. I bet there are alot of resources out there that can help make this idea work. That Caleb is able to drive to the Library and volunteer is pretty wonderful considering were he was at not that long ago. You might not see the great progress he is making being so close but from further away he seems to be doing amazingly well.
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