Thank you all for responding to Caleb - he gets such a kick out of it. My arm is still frozen, although surgery went well...but with this therapy that I am involved with - lt should come back with time. It occurs to me while I am whinning to myself about my arm that all I want is to be well..and then I think about Caleb and it shuts me right up. He is remarkable in his approach..he just says, " I'm getting better" and leaves it at that!

His birthday is tomorrow and many of us will be paddling the crocodile nile ( as my boys always refered to the Pamet river ) out to the gut and then home for cake and ice cream. If you have the energy, a belated birthday card would be appreciated .....
45 sapokonish wellfleet Ma 02667 ..or just send him a greeting on his blog- he is now an avid reader. Be well, as we are. S

Hello All of you GOOD friends out there in this fine planet EARTH...!!! Thank all of you people for reading about me so far!!!!! SOOO lets see !!!!.....how am I doing now??? Not toooo bad these beautiful days...Still a tiny bit messed up with one blind eye...and one deaf ear.....Gosh Darn it....can't wait until the good ole..HEALTHINESS comes back around and gives me it's good old health gift....Ohhhh Yeahhh can't wait for that gift to happen,,,,Soooo hurry up great health and please kick my butt until it makes me nice and healthy again....Sooo Ohhhh Yeahhh bring it onnnn Pretty please!!!!!! I'm waiting!!!!! SOooo besides the crappy sick part of my life the rest or the other part is truely a great fun time hangin out with my truely fun and exciting mother and brothers....Ohhh Yeah not even joking around at all !! They are really fun and amazing to hang around with day by day....SOOO All I've got to say is how awefully excited and happy I am to notice the wonderful family members that I belong to...!!! SO Thank You GOOD ole Lord GOD for picking such a wonderfull family for me to grow up in!!! OHHHH YEAHHHHH!!!!!!! Thank All Of you People out there who enjoy reading this stuff !!! I definetly enjoy all of you people reading and then writing back to meeee!!!! SOOO keep it up....THANK YOU !!!! and write me more if anybody has the time....Otherwise reading works Toooo Sooo....Thank Alll Of You AGAIN And AGAIN !!!!! LOVE ME ...CALEB

We were in a bar in some dark and dusty corner of Costa Rica the year Timmy traveled with us. Caleb and I sat across from one another in a booth and I commented on the aquarium above us with ribbons and signs all over it. Seems it held the champion crab - the kind which carries his house on his back . hermit perhaps? He apparently held the record for winning every race on the bar top each Saturday night for the prior 3 years pitted against other crabs and lots of drunken dollars at stake. I commented on how he could probably smell his home each time the bar doors swung open. The ocean was only a beer bottle throw away. He crawled back and forth, and back and forth through his cage, pacing his remembrance of the steps to the seashore and it was menacing to try to enjoy the evening without noticing his frustration. When we left I caught a glimpse of Caleb fumbling in his pocket with a slight smile of guilt and glee, and what should emerge from that pocket- but the winning crab! We ran to the shore and set him free. A more delightful moment, I cannot remember.
I want to thank you for being with me, for noticing the pacing, the discomfort, the trapped feelings, and the frustration. For you have single handedly lifted me out of my cage with your kind words, your thoughts, your prayers and your hopes, and you have walked me back home ...just because you paid attention.
Paying attention seems like such a small thing..but in the big picture, paying attention is larger than life. Simply noticing is an act of faith. It says " I believe that you may feel trapped now in your situation, and darkness threatens to swallow you, but something, or someone will come along, and you will be set free....and I believe you are capable of walking away with the darkness at your back, and that the place of comfort that each of us calls home will eventually be right in front of you with her doors wide open"

I have surgery tomorrow, so if I don't get back right away - just trust, as you always do... that we are fine." Oh yes - and did i mention that Caleb got his drivers license?

I have recently connected with a woman in town for whom I have admired from afar for quite some time. She has terminal cancer and walks the walk towards the ending of her story with dignity and grace. She is a very brave soul and I now admire her from close up and adore her for her strength. This process has started me to thinking about what it is that we take with us and what it is that we leave behind when we part form this Earth. I spent so many years thinking about how people were thinking about me. Now I realize that all we take with us is what it is that we think about ourselves. Have we walked our walk with courage and kindness? Are we proud of ourselves - not for our accomplishments, but for the beat of a heart that says" I am." Have we looked deeply into our own eyes and spoke back the words..I am proud to be me? It is all we have- it is all we leave with.
What we leave behind are the people whose lives we have touched. That is our legacy..that is how we continue on.
I just realized that everything that exists in this world began at one point with a simple thought born out of someone. I am now thinking more about who it is that I want to be to those who walk this walk with me. I am thinking more about who it is that I want to be when I take my final walk. Change your thought and you change yourself.
My brave friend has touched me in ways she may never know..but I know and I am happy to have the chance to pass on her story, her dignity and her grace to others.

I am learning to love and cherish those things which seem impossible. Now that Jan is gone, and Caleb too, as we knew him, I am realizing the importance of thinking bigger about our individual lives....perhaps trying to get it "right" this time around, instead of hoping that we have another chance somewhere down the line. We have only the moment we are presently in. The past is just that; past... and the future is so uncertain. So for me...I am concentrating on what it is that makes me happy, for that is the barometer which meters our emotions..and if we are off kilter, and not happy, no matter what our individual circumstances might be, then we need to re-think our position...and joy ourselves to joy. What are we waiting for anyways? Happiness seems illusive, impossible to me right now - but I am learning to love what seems impossible . I am going to give it a whirl - come join me?

No- I am not finished here- just got slamp dunked by spring. Kai is basically running the show for me so that I can be with Caleb, but there are always a million and one things to do to keep the projects running smoothly, and I am the girl for that job!
We are holding up well..it is surgery on the horizon for my arm ( remember the fall in Jan?) I tore a ligiment..no wonder it is still in pain. Caleb has passed his test which is required by the state to see if he can take a drivers test and get back on the road. We are re-building the barn so that he can live independently in the fall, the house is in need of better windows which go in this May, ---so see what I mean by projects up the wazoo! Life is marching forward. We still find that we as a unit get sad and miss our Caleb and our "before" life. It is an empty glass of wine and a blanket tossed bed that I wake to each morning. Night time is daunting..but each morning when Caleb greets me with his "mornin mama" I praise the powers that be, fold my hands together and recite a thank you that clears the clouds above. We each get to choose how we will spend the day - in sorrow or in joy...and we are lookin to the joy side with a smile on our faces!