On the fourth of July, 2007 Caleb Potter was involved in a skateboarding accident.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.

Monday, February 7, 2011

One of the perks of not having lived through a tragedy must be sleep- a full night's uninterrupted. I get that phone call in my dream each night once, if not a hundred times, and suddenly I am racing down Long Pond Rd to get to Caleb. I race over and over again as if by trying it many times,I might possibly change the outcome on one of those trips.
Jan, I dream about, we walk, we talk, we ride the range of emotions ...I ask him why?
But most every night I hear Kai's voice loud and clear..Mom ( with the last M drawn out into a humming question...and now I wake fully, expecting to see him at the door, or holding on to the brass rail of the bed searching my eyes and waiting to tell me his sorrowful news. Who is it this time? Lizzie, Max, Lara, or himself?
This is the dredges of an accident happened. I think it the fear that resides in me. Once a tragedy happens, those who experience it know fully that it could strike again.

We are moving forward. I have been working with Caleb's new brain injured group, and it has become the sole purpose of my life. I was able to secure an art opening through the very lovely and generous Tracy Harmon of Harmon Gallery. The boys and De will produce art for their opening in April. We will be doing the Potter's plunge as our annual fundraiser. Since most of these accident victim's do not or cannot work, I feel obliged to find funds for them to enjoy their lives with. And our goal and intention has been set to move Caleb into an independent living situation before the year's end. This last sentence produces a lump in my throat so big that I cannot form words...but I know it is time for Caleb, and in truth, time for me to get on with my own life that has been put on hold for the past 3 years.
So most days are filled with smiles and hope, most days are lined up with goals for the future, most days are heavy on the positive;
but I am certain I will wake to the call of Kai again tonight around one.

13 comments:

NY/Wellfleet Mom said...

Sharyn:

You are, indeed, moving forward. The art show is very exciting news. Please keep me posted, as I would very much like to attend.

NY/Wellfleet Mom

BenBirdy1 said...

Thinking of you, as always, dear Sharyn, and so glad to hear some of your news.

xo Catherine

Kevin Scalley said...

Sharyn,

I think the sleep thin goes with us getting a little older...
Hard to control the subconscious.
When you are dreaming of me then you will really know you are in trouble!

Kevin

peg said...

That's a hard way to live, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Although the scale and severity of circumstance varies, sooner or later, all of us will pick up the midnight phone call that awakens us to a live bad dream. Maybe an expected passing, a heartbreak still, or a sudden illness or accident, a loved one in crisis: the memories of these events stay with us, they attach themselves to our psyche, a negative feedback loop....is it possible to finally spin out of that loop? That is the question for which the answer will be as different as our lives, our respective trauma

peg said...

Woops! In my rambling, I hit the wrong button!

Anyway, Sharyn, it is good to hear your voice. I am glad that you are well and busy with such a meaningful venture.
My love to all of you.
As always, with hope,
peg from PA

haley.jane said...

I am sorry.. I would hope that you would find peace in sleep... The subconscious can be cruel. When I am stressed, I have zombie nightmares.. not nearly comparable, but intense and terrifying. I have very vivid dreams. I have dreamt that Kai has spoken to me to a few times before, but not as often as every night and it's always a welcome visit.

Last year, I dreamt at least a few nights every week, of a boy... I won't mention the name. But I dreamt that I was finally ready to tell him I loved him.. and everytime I tried, he would cut me off and he tell me he was having a baby with another girl... Sometimes dreams do come true.

I pray for you & send all my positive energy in your direction.. I feel terrible that you have to relive these feeling every night. I love you all & care about you deeply. xo I have some mail for you, might be a little late wanted it to reach you for Valentine's... prob be a bit later. Love extends through February right? xo xo Love you to the moon.

jff said...

Sharyn,
I have had those nightmares, those projections, probably a touch of PTSD. But WONDERFUL to hear of the plan for Caleb's move toward independence(that I know you and he will revel in) and yours(possibly being the hardest decision, being a mom and all). Your journey has been noble, not forgetting the heart- wrenching parts and selfless endeavor of sharing this journey without filters.
Happy Valentine's Day...

Jeff- in the Berkshires said...

Good to hear your voice and hear of the many things going well. Art is blind to the limitations of the body and mind. It is the true essence of the soul speaking and I would love to see what your group produces.

I sense your guarded breath as you speak of launching Caleb and you to a different level of independence. It will take enormous courage and faith but I know you have it within you.

Sharyn, I don't want to presume that I can fully appreciate the fear of being woken up with being woken up to tragedy, I can only hope that time and hearing good and joyful news in Kai's voice will help you heal.

When I wake in the middle of the night, I often go down a list of people as I send good thoughts of warmth and healing. You and Caleb and Max and Kai, along with others wander here, are always on that list. While I know it is mild comfort you are rarely alone in thought.

Scupper's Significant Other said...

Had a thought that you might be interested to know that I am an independent grant writer. Let me know if you are interested in raising funds to create an awesome space/place on Cape Cod for people brain injuries. Through this experience you have everything to create the perfect situation for Caleb and others. I can at the least get you a list of foundations with an interest in life after a brain injury. Joan
joliver23@nycap.rr.com

Jackie said...

Sharyn
That is such exciting news. Please keep us informed; I think we would all love to see the art show. Any other way we can help?
Jackie in NY/Eastham

Amy said...

sharyn
i completely understand the fears, though i do not have the nightmares every night, i do have them.
after josh's dad passed away so suddenly most every phone call my heart sinks a bit before answering it.
also with my mom's health failing, calls in the night would usually come from 'life alert' telling me that she had fallen. now that we have her on one floor things are more stable as far as midnight calls go.
i fear lots of things, people can be in trouble in an instant.
i wish you rest and sweet dreams and a clear mind.... i think of you so often yet never seem to find the time to write.
take care and keep us posted of the events... i hope to be able to see the art opening :)
peace to all of you
amy in ct

Melinda from Greenfield said...

Dearest Sharyn.....Just wanted you and Caleb to know how deeply you are loved....you, Caleb, Kai and Max are never far from thought...My hope and intention is that you continue to feel supported and led by your inner compass that leads you right where you are suppose to be, and that you are at peace with that.

Progress can be unnerving, but not as unnerving as lack of progress..We stand here in support of you all, the Lindsay/Potter Clan..you will be fine, no matter what~

Much Love and Light,

Con Carino,

Melinda

janet said...

Thinking of you, and hoping March is treating you well. Sleep is so important. Post-traumatic stress, waking or sleeping, seems understandable with all you've come through. May this, too, get better with time. Have you set a date for the art show?