I am grateful for the rain that fell last evening. It's refreshing and reminds me of why I love this Earth...the smells, the birds, the flowers laden with moisture and bending in a bow to me as I walk down the garden aisles and pass them this morning. Caleb had his first week of being back on the tides, and I imaging his elation feels to him like the rain feels to me. He has come home from digging with his brothers and Richard feeling hungry and so very tired, but the look on his face reminds me of the Old Caleb, and speaks to me of how very clearly he is still in there.
I wonder why sometimes that we were singled out to have this new life we have, why Caleb had to transform into someone new, why my smile does not reach the corners that it used to. There have been many a days where I could not fault Jan for leaving us in the way that he did...I too have come to understand that bottomless pit feeling, but on mornings like this I am glad that I am still here to witness miracles...even if they are just the beauty of a rainfall, or the smile on Caleb's face which is as brilliant as the sun that warms me.. Blessings

It has been three years now since that phone call came that catapulted me into the pit of despair that I have been diligently climbing out of ever since. It has transformed my little family of four into new people, hardly recognizable to me sometimes. There is a yawning gap between who we were, and who we have become, and are still becoming because of Caleb's accident. I am ever so proud of the boys and how they have handled responsibilities flung at them from all corners, accepted a mom who has been nothing short of distant at times, and have found peace with a father who resides now in their memories.
As I sat across the breakfast table from Caleb this early morning, I raised my coffee cup to his orange juice in a toast. " Caleb, your dignity through these past three years has been nothing short of miraculous. I am so happy that you determined to fight instead of giving up. I love that I am holding a warm hand, because it could have been so easily a cold body that I was touching for the last time. Thank you for being so brave."
A cloud shadowed his eyes making his face look ominous, clandestine.
Then he raised his glass higher and after a pregnant pause replied " Mom, I am trying to eat my breakfast"

Life goes on....and on...and on.

Happy fourth of July.