It is from that same window that I watched him grow..
perched high above the garden green.
Hands dreamily dipped in soapy water...I watch him unaware.
He bends to study a tomato in the same way I study my face.
Creased, rough, lined with age.
He picks it anyways..
We understand eachothers wounds...
and I make my way through the day by remembering.
Now the light has settled to dust
I wake from the pillow.
This one is wrong....creased, rough, lined with age.
The soft has gone missing.
So I walk to the window once more. But he is gone.
and I make my way through the night by remembering.
Since I really can't sleep..I write to you.
Caleb is truely doing very well. His memory is getting better in small, but detectable increments. He has begun some volunteer work at the Library and commented to someone the other day who ran into him " I used to like that place"..but he goes very willingly and drives himself there, which boosts his pride. I am beginning to pull together a program where Caleb and other "disabled" young men can get together a couple of times a week..he desperately needs new friends.
I believe that what happens here- in this situation I find us in- is that after the initial shock wears off, and all of life seemingly goes back to normal, there is no longer a normal for me..or for the boys. We are making a new normal up as we go..but finding our footing is difficult. I bask in the fact that Caleb is alive, but truth be told, this is difficult at best. I appreciate his smile each morning, but I miss the old grin. I walk beside him and treasure, but my treasure is missing.
I don't know how other people have made it through this!
Not to worry about me..I am a tough old bird. I just cannot grow into my new skin and enjoy it. My heart is bursting with pain and I am so sad........and so tired of being sad.
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On the fourth of July, 2007 Caleb Potter was involved in a skateboarding accident.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
He suffered serious injuries and continues to need all of our positive thoughts and prayers.
This blog is to serve as a space for updates on Caleb's journey of recovery.
Adding Comments
Please feel free to add your comments to the blog. All you have to do is click on the number of comments at the bottom of one of the postings. Then write your comment in the box provided on the right side of the screen. Thank you to all of you who have been commenting so far; we're creating quite the community on here! Be well...
A BIG Thank You
In this season of giving thanks and celebrating family togetherness, I wish to extend a warm thank you to everyone who has been involved in a myriad of ways with my son, Caleb Potter, and his recovery. On July 4, he was involved in a skateboarding accident in our little hometown of Wellfleet on Cape Cod, that caused him serious injuries. He came home from Spaulding Rehab in Boston just before Thanksgiving. Through the blog we started:
http://calebpotter.blogspot.com/
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
http://calebpotter.blogspot
the Wellfleet community of support stretched far and wide across the country, and in fact, throughout parts of the world, with many people offering prayers and words of wisdom. We could not have come so far without this legion of support from all of you, in Wellfleet and beyond. We are sincerely grateful.
Sharyn L. Lindsay and family
DONATIONS
THE CALEB POTTER
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
BENEFIT FUND
Donations may be made in person at any branch of Cape Cod Five Cents Savings Bank or mailed to the bank at P.O. Box 697, Wellfleet, MA 02667.
Thank you SO MUCH
for your contributions.
With love,
from all of Caleb's friends and family
Official Information
If you have questions about calebpotter.blogspot.com,
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
email Sky at:
novembersky.freysscole@gmail.com
For Sending Cards etc.
Caleb Potter
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
c/o Sharyn Lindsay
45 Sapokonish Way
Wellfleet, MA
02667
(please be respectful)
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20 comments:
Sending good thoughts and just quietly listening.
You have every right and good reason to feel such sadness,Sharyn. Your life situation is not one that ever becomes whole, and this new 'normal' can be far too much to swallow. I would like to say that time takes care of everything, but I know that is too pat an answer to the sorrow of your soul. You will never forget your memories of Caleb before the accident, and you wouldn't want to, but they are painful reminders of all that you have lost. I think that the best you will ever be able to do is come to some sort of accommodation with this new and troubling reality, and that is hard to do. Having your past and the present in front of you and trying to squeeze them into some sort of understanding, building a place where they can reside together is a difficult undertaking; it is draining, spirit-sapping work, hard work, relentless and painful. But building it, you are, piece by piece, memory by memory, and perhaps one day that place will be built, a cobbled together place where your memories can reside together, the sad and the sweet.
I am sorry for your sadness, dear friend, for all that you have had to endure.Your life has become a hard job of work, but you do have the tools: wondrous strength, generosity of spirit, the power of love and hope.....and us standing beside you holding the can of nails. Believe it.
As always, with hope and love,
peg from PA
Sharyn, I've read this blog many times and laughed and cried with and for you. While I've posted just a few times, countless are the times I've started to really share with you, but my heart was too heavy and couldn't continue. I know the pain (although from different circumstances) of "losing" a son who is still here and for whom my sadness at the loss is eclipsed by the joy that he is still here, albeit not as either of us ever imagined or, certainly, planned. Of course your heart is breaking and sad and you do the best thing you can by acknowledging it. I hope those closest to you read this today and do something small to lighten your heart even if for a moment.
I want to thank you for you will NEVER know just how much your reflections on this blog have helped me, and, I am sure, COUNTLESS others with their own struggles. In your sefless, thoughtful postings you give so much of yourself and I know I think to myself: if Sharyn can persever and look for the beauty, the gratitude, the "truth" whatever it is or will be from now on, so can I.
Thank you!
Sorrow and sadness are not harsh words however they express so many feelings and emotions that sometimes are not easily overcome, if ever. Life for you is very different from the one you lived a few years ago and for Caleb and Kai and Max. I've been thinking also that the lives of Caleb's friends have changed and I suppose they are hanging on to what was. Some people just can't cope with "change."
It's true you are tough but not old. Don't worry about lines and creases. You have a wonderful face and a loving heart and a tremendous spirit.
New friends for Caleb are on the horizon--your idea is a good one.
Much love and best wishes,
Penny
Like all of us, you and Caleb will muddle through. I am saying goodbye here, I don't know if my thoughts were a help or not but I won't be back to visit so say what you like when I am gone.
Sharyn... I, for one am NOT going anywhere. I'm sad that you're sad. I've never experienced your kind of loss, so my thoughts don't carry the weight of experience. But my heart follows along with yours, wherever, and whatever you choose to share. Wishing on a full moon (or a campfire bundle) that you'll find the peace, good health, and joy that you and yours deserve.
I am still here, Sharyn, still reading, listening, and hoping for your happiness.
Although we have never met in person, Sharyn, I am still here - reading, mourning, and celebrating with you. Daniel still asks me on a regular basis, "How is my friend Caleb doing, Mommy?" and tells everyone about the beautiful map that Caleb drew for him.
I am so happy to hear that Caleb continues to recover, and that he is taking pride in his library gig. Good for him, and good for you.
A sort of peer group sounds great. You may want to put up a post on meetup.com for it. The great people at Spaulding may also be able to give you some contacts.
Again, know that we're still thinking about you and Caleb. Take care of yourself.
I am still, and always have been, here - though I have nothing especially helpful to add, save for the fact that we continue to hold you and Caleb in our thoughts.
Sharyn,
I couldn't agree more on Caleb's progress. It makes my day to see him improve! Stay strong and look forward...
Kevin
Oh Sharyn,
I'm sitting here wishing I could make it all better; but since I can't, I promise to listen and just be here.
Your idea for Caleb is a good one. I am advocate and guardian for my older sister who has cerebral palsy. After my mom died, she came to live with me (my mom's wishes). But she was lonely (my husband and I both worked) and had to live vicariously through us. So we started her in a day program and then she asked if she could visit a group home. She had friends (imagine that!) who lived in various group homes and ultimately she chose to do the same. She is happier than she's ever been. She has limited independence, has her own furniture; even a salary provided through a sheltered workplace. We moved her twice, but she's in a location a few minutes away from me and has a real life for the first time. There are a lot of agencies out there, some are better than others. But just follow your instincts.
Oh and by the way, having met you for the first time this summer, I saw nary a wrinkle or crease. In fact, my daughter turned to me and said "She's really beautiful." And so you are.
With much love,
Jackie in NY
Sharyn,
I am here as well and check your blog daily for an indication on how you and Caleb are doing. Some times I post, some times I do not, but I check here EVERY DAY. And I will continue to. Your story has become the narrative for all of us who struggle. Your grief as a mother is the narrative for all of us who have lost the innocence that comes with a healthy birth and the promise of a life that will continue along those lines. While I have never hugged you, I hold you, Caleb and your other boys in my heart.
I am in Needham and would welcome the chance to meet you at or over the Bridge any time for coffee or a meal. We are only lucky enough to warm our toes in Wellfleet the last two weeks of August but we are saving our pennies in hope that we will become permanent summer residents there one day. It is certain it will be our community later in life.
Please email me if you find yourself close to Boston and if the winter allows me a visit to Wellfleet with your permission I will reach out. I never know if that is appropriate but I often think about the chance to hug you for real.
With compassion and empathy,
Risa in Needham
risa.sherman@gmail.com
Sharyn --
I am always honored to listen to your journey, whatever path you are on, whatever you experience as you walk it. I feel for you and wish I had something more concrete to offer -- but know I and others are here, sending love, energy, power and peace to you as much as we can. Thinking so much of you -- Lisa K.
My darling friend, you continue to find your way and those of us who love you walk with you, even if at a distance. El
You are a strong and resilient woman, Sharyn, with strong and resilient sons. Follow Kevin's advice: Look forward. It's the path toward light.
NY/Wellfleet Mom
Its a really good poem.
aimai
We are still here too, Sharyn, sending you our deepest wishes for things to get better. I hope you can focus on ths small, incremental improvements. They're so important, because they show the overall direction is still positive, however painfully slow the pace may be.
I hope we may get to see you at Oysterfest this weekend. Be well, my friend.
Jerry
Hi Sharyn,
Happy oysterfest! Ran into Caleb, he's such a flirt - I asked him how he was doing and he answered "Much better now that I've seen you!" So sweet!
He loves eli, and I told him to come visit b/c we have a batch of puppies I thought he might want to see, so you guys should come over! Love you both!!
I am sooo bummed that we couldn't make it up there this year for the big fest. Know that I am thinking about you and I miss you all very much!!!
Eat some oysters for me!
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