I wonder sometimes how this will all end? Caleb struggles, as well as I. We dance around the fact that our lives have changed, barely talk about it, and yet the undercurrent is pulling us at all times towards depression. It is so difficult to live like this, sad all the time...Caleb and I both. On each others nerves at all times. Life marches on. Cedar never comes by, Shaye is getting married and has a baby, Jenny is getting married too. Kai and I don't find time to speak to one another, and Max is lost in his own painful world, alone. I do not wish this on any of you. If you thought the pain of the hospital and the life threatening life that we once lived through was enough to put most of you over the edge, this has panned out to be worse...the everyday looking at each other and realization that life has changed as we once knew it, will never be the same...and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. I am trying to stay afloat...Please do not comment that I need help-please do not comment at all..nothing can be added. Tonight I am feeling very alone..and alone I am. Sad, just sad.